My service does neonatal/pediatric critical care transports for children's hospital of Pittsburgh transport team when they cant fly due to inclimate weather or close proximity hospital.
Anyway, around 5:30 on Christmas eve morning, we get called to go to a hospital about 8 miles out of Pittsburgh for a 5 year old in cardiac arrest., we picked up the team and got there in like 10 minutes, the team went in, we found out, child was worked on by ED staff for 60 minutes and nothing, they pronounced him in the room...
I was okay until the mother and sister walked in saw the kid and lost it, I had to leave run out to truck and I lost it, saying "why now??, its christmas eve", "what that kid do to deserve this". Then another truck pulled up, it was another one of my crews and I had to suck it up, and stopped.
A normal person dying is not going to hit, but a 5 yr old on christmas eve, that was tough, and I was fine til the family lost it.
I am ok, til its kids.