Britpara

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

......what??

At last!! A decent chain letter as opposed to those normal chain letters/pyramid schemes, this one costs nothing, and you can only win. Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates. INSTRUCTIONS Anaesthetize your wife, put her in a large carton, (don't forget some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post. Statistically, among those women, will be at least: 0. 05 Miss Worlds 2.5 Models 463 Wild nymphos 3,234 Good-looking nymphos 20,198 Who enjoy multiple orgasms 40,198 Bi-sexual women. In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off. And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you. DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial expression on her face. On the same day, the international supermodel he'd been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter). While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages. YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women). No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement. Do not hesitate...send this letter today to 9 of your best friends. PS. - Even when you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum cleaner; one of the other women that arrives will know how to use it. PPS. - This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon undertake. _________________

In the UK, Dominos pizzas give all uniformed emergency workers 50% discount. McDonalds give us everything they have left at closing time, and sometimes that is a LARGE amount free. Most food shops will call you to the front of the queue to get served if you are in uniform. The local Indian restaurants will give you free drinks with your takeaway meal. We generally get free coffee and tea at most large food chain outlets.

:shock:

Due to increasing concern that alcohol is bad for you, the Government has decided, as it did with cigarettes, that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the *beep* happened to your bra and panties. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a giraffe on heat. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends repeatedly that you love them. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable carpet burns on the forehead, knees, and lower back. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. WARNING: The crumsumpten of alcahol may maak yu tink you kan tipe real gude.

Oh I see, In order to take part in this forum I have to meet some self appointed Dustdevil standards?? I think not. This forum is for the use of EMS staff worldwide. I saw no rules on signing up for it stating I had to contribute in any other way than I wanted or needed to. I choose to post jokes because I think that we all have very high stress jobs and to make people laugh or smile may in someway help us all to get through our shifts. You have no right to attack me in the way you have Dust, and it is also a little bit sad on your part that you are keeping some sort of warped tally of my posts. Maybe it's time for a few of you to grow up especially you Dust. Come down of your high horse and realise that all those stars above your name and all those posts you've written do not make you superior in any way to me or anyone else.

..........aaaaaaaaannd breathe! :wink:

I was feeling low the other day so I called a helpline number I saw on the TV. I got through to a call centre in Pakistan. When I told them I felt suicidal they got all excited and asked me if I could drive a truck!! :shock:

Im a wee bit cynical about this contest. It's a lot of work for not much of a prize! :? Anyone else feel the same :?:

Then help the drunk get home :shock: http://mistux2.com/misgroup/funnies/drunk/...e%205-20-07.php

Well just imagine how confused us poor old Brits are by all that!! :wink: