mrmeaner

On the topic of traffic problems and gay rights marches: "'We're here and we're queer!' Yeah, well I'm straight and I'm late! Get the hell out of the way!" - Larry the Cable Guy. If you're gay, fine. If you're straight, fine. If you're a queen, you'll piss me off. If at some point during a call it becomes crucial to know your sexual orientation, I'll ask you. Until then, don't care. When I was a kid, being a fag was a sign of weakness or an outcast. If that is not the case, then prove it. Don't use your sexuality as a crutch, excuse, or defense. It's like the term "hate crime." Nobody beats the crap out of somebody because they thought "Well, he's generally a decent guy." For some people being the victim is not enough.

I hope there is a special circle of hell reserved for those who murder and molest children. And I hope that somebody in the land of Ahhhnold will find a way to expedite his delivery.

Why wait for the ER staff to make an intervention? Even if you're pulling into the garage, the infusion is still running while you unload the patient, give report, nurse does an assessment, nurse calls doc, doc does assessment, etc. Is there something I'm missing?

Volley wackers are usually easy to spot as they have Motorola imprinted backwards on their face from sleeping with their radio. :roll: One of the local and verrrry rural fire services has shirts with an old time horse drawn pumper with the slogan "Same day service". At least they have a sense of humor about themselves. Some wackers should spend less time acknowledging test pages and weather warnings. Some medics should realize their feet do still touch the ground. Some firefighters shouldn't watch Ladder 49 and touch themselves. Doesn't mean they will. Ok, I'm off the soapbox now.

X2. I've used it on patients that had deep veins but as stated before, it only works in the dark.

No, Richard, I just figured I'd introduce him to sarcasm too since I was here.

To: All EMS Administrators (among other things) Subject: The use of humor in an online forum It has come to our attention that humorous references made to the workplace environment have gone unnoticed, unrecognized, and worse yet, unappreciated. In an attempt to reacclimate our staff of lesser humor with the standards of entertainment, the following definition has been included in this memo. Please circulate this information with your co-workers as they may have experienced similar situations or documents and may be able to assist in processing of such information. joke (jōk) n. Something said or done to evoke laughter or amusement, especially an amusing story with a punch line. A mischievous trick; a prank. An amusing or ludicrous incident or situation. Informal. Something not to be taken seriously; a triviality: The accident was no joke. An object of amusement or laughter; a laughingstock: His loud tie was the joke of the office. v., joked, jok·ing, jokes. v.intr. To tell or play jokes; jest. To speak in fun; be facetious. v.tr. To make fun of; tease. We understand the dissemination of this information (including the old e-mails that everyone has read several times) may take time and may seem to be troublesome, or "a waste of time," however it is the common belief that the use of a "joke" may reduce ailments such as cardiac stress, headaches, and the need for recto-cranial inversion. This in turn, will lead to a much more friendly workplace, or will at least entertain the medics who perpetually are late for meetings (if they show up) and sit in the back making comments that you never quite completely hear. Thank you for your attention to this matter. P.S. Pyroknight, please spend more time with your crew so explanations such as this are no longer necessary.

I was working with a medic student who had to do just that. One guy in his class is doing fine in the medic class, but is on the border w/ A&P. Hopefully most schools are going to keep them as pre-reqs and help create a standard two-year medic degree.

That video is wrong on many levels. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Sorry guys, I just looked at the title again as I was scrolling through the forum and realized that I pulled this thread off the origional topic which is way more important than my opinions. :oops: It's about time EMS gets good press, especially for a job well done. I live in an area where that hasn't been the case. Great job to all who responded to the Virginia Tech shootings and to all who took care of patients, families and friends. My condolences to anyone who lost anyone or had a loved one hurt in this tragedy. Hopefully all recoveries are quick and lasting. Hopefully no one else has to respond to a scene like that again.

StickEm, Sorry, I shouldn't have singled you out because you surely aren't the only one. I just don't understand the tennancy to forgive due to the bad things that happen in people's lives. I don't know the details of his life, but unless he had been previously beaten, abused or otherwise attacked by the 50+ people he murdered or injured, I don't see how he's deserving of pity, however generous you may be. It's gets aggrivating to hear people sympathize with a murderer because at some point in his life somebody wasn't nice to him or because his life wasn't just rosey like he expected it to be (not meaning you). A flight nurse recently took his two childrens' lives and then his own apparently due to the stress of a nasty divorce. Do I feel bad that his family was being torn apart due to divorce? Yes. Can I forgive him for what he did? No. Not even close. There is NO reason to take eight and four year old children out of this world no matter how rough your life is. But, like I said, maybe you guys are just better people than I am and I am wrong. Oh, yeah. I was just implying that it's going to be hot where he's going. :evil: Very hot.

ABSOLUTELY! Some schools are implimenting A&P into the curriculum. I really wish I had taken A&P before medic class.

Ok, maybe you guys are just better people than I am, but forgiving the shooter is something that I'm about 257 years away from (give or take). People are willing to forgive him for his actions, but in the same breath, are condeming the news channels for covering the information (choking the ca ca out of someone). Don't think for a minute that I like the media any better than filling my taxes, but what about responsibility for your actions. You watch the channel, don't watch it if you don't like it. He shot 32 people and then killed himself. He knew what he was doing was wrong and took the easy way out. I hope they didn't bury him in a sweater.

This is why nobody can find a the picture: Here lies the last construction worker to play with a jump rope. http://www.worldofstock.com/closeups/PAB1632.php

On a poster at Kencom: "ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP." This reminds me of a radio commercial I heard. It was a help center for people who had speech impediments, stuttering problems, etc. They gave a toll free number to call for information. My first thought was "Those operators must be the most patient people in the world." That and, "I hope the operators are not the same ones as American Express has."

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one: Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse; I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!" "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter...and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" If they only knew!

Once again, if this is a repeat post, I apologize. HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT THESE ARE ALL TRUE STORIES FROM EMERGENCY ROOMS AROUND THE COUNTRY: (They would have to be true because no one could make this stuff up!) FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva! (fortunately, Larry the Cable Guys sister is recovering quickly.) PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." which bit him during sex (Evil Knievel could not have made the jump to that conclusion). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy. PING PONG ANYONE? ----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (obviously the construction worker from the village people.)The concrete then hardened, (really?), causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Richard Gere's apparently an amateur.) BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea. (apparently he was watching Gray's Anatomy) OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (who says romance is dead?) While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go (or at least that's the story he's going with).

I apologize if this has already been posted but I didn't see it. The following is an actual question given on a chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor decided to share it. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God." THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

Without a Paddle "Tom weren't you a boy scout?" "No, but I ate a Brownie once."