True ER humor.........

[Mediclcems]

Because all of you would understand...

>>Yes, some of these are crude and rude, but if you

>>have ever worked in the medical field or with someone who has

>>worked in

>>the medical field you know that we are a different breed.

>>(And that's an

>>understatement.....) Feel free to add your own witty humor

>>and pass it along.

>>

>> Here are some tips to remember before your next

>> visit to the ER

>>

>>You need to remember these are from some practicing and

>>former Emergency dept. RNs!

>>

>> 1. Don't tell me yo u have abdominal pain as you eat

>>Doritos in my triage booth.

>>

>>2. If you come to the ER by ambulance, the first

>>thing I will ask you is how you are getting home. No, we

>>don't have

>>people on staff to drive you home, and don't tell me

>>you don't want to "bother" one of your family

>>members at this hour. You had no problem bothering

>>911 for the back pain you've had for 3 months.

>>

>>3. You don't get to pick your own IV site. This

>>will irritate me and I will probably miss your IV on

>>purpose and start your site in the place I wanted to

>>initially to prove a point

>>

>>

>>4. "Butterfly" is not an IV size, this word signals

>>me to put in a larger bore needle.

>>

>>5. Nausea is not a reason to come to the ER. If

>>you are not in severe pain, are not vomiting or

>>pooping your pants in front of me, your butt goes

>>back to the waiting room.

>>

>>6. How can you have the worst migraine of your

>>life, but be able to yell at me about the wait after

>>you just put down a magazine you were reading?

>>

>>7. Don't ever say things like, "I usually get 4 mg

>>of Dilaudid". Requesting your med and dosage will

>>prompt me to squirt out half of the med before I

>>inject, then I lie about the dose.

>>

>>8. If you are allergic to Tylenol, Toradol, and

>>Motrin, I have already assumed you are a drug

>>seeker.

>>

>>9. If you came to the ER having a family doctor

>>appointment that same day, I will make sure you are

>>still in the department well past the time of your

>>original appointment.

>>

>>10. I don't care if you are neighbors with t he GI

>>specialist. Unless he drove you to the ER himself,

>>you can't be that friendly.

>>

>>11. Just because, "my doctor sent me here", does

>>not mean you get right back to a treatment room.

>>This tells me you are a pain in the ass, and he's

>>pawning you off.

>>

>>12. The louder you moan/whine, the bigger size IV

>>needle you get.

>>

>>13. Foley catheters cure pseudo-seizures. They

>>also cure intoxicated persons.

>>

>>14. If you are on more than 2 medicines at home,

>>bring a list. Don't say, "you know, the little

>>white pill". I am not a pharmacist.

>>

>>15. RN is not synonymous with waiter/waitress.

>>

>>16. Don't bitch about missing breakfast when I'm on

>>the ninth hour of my shift and haven't peed yet.

>>

>>17. What gives you the righ t to complain about your

>>sore throat for a week while I have diarrhea from

>>the antibiotics I've been taking for pneumonia?

>>

>>18. Broken toes are not an emergency. We'll make

>>you feel stupid by putting a little piece of tape

>>down there and kicking you out.

>>

>>19. I am currently inventing a trapdoor system in

>>triage to be triggered when you say the word

>>"toothache".

>>

>>20. Cover you mouth when you cough/belch. This is

>>just common courtesy. When you neglect to do this,

>>I am tempted to bust butt in your room, then close

>>the door.

>>

>>21. If you tell me you have fibromyalgia or chronic

>>fatigue syndrome, know that I'm rolling my eyes and

>>thinking you're a loser.

>>

>>22. If you list Haldol, geodon, Xanax, and

>>trazadone as allergies, don't t ell me you have no

>>psych history.

>>

>>23. Never sign in with chest pain because you were

>>too embarrassed to write "penile sores" or "foul

>>smelling discharge". This will piss me off that I

>>bumped you ahead of other people and I'll make your

>>visit horrific.

>>

>>24. Although you've been in the ER four times this

>>week, you cannot list the ER doc as your family

>>physician.

>>

>>25. Do not talk to me while I'm trying to listen to

>>your lungs.

>>

>>26. Don't tell me you have no money for medicine

>>while you have a carton of cigarettes in your purse

>>(next to your cell phone), and each of your seven

>>children are playing their own PSP's.

>>

>>27. Gravida 7 at age 22 means you are a slut.

>>

>>My candle burns at both ends;

>>It will not last the night;

>>But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--

>>It gives a lovely light!

[Connie31079]

OMG! :shock:

I'm laughing my ass off @ "Gravida 7 at age 22 means you are a slut"......how true!

Thanks, I needed that laugh!

Connie

[paramaniac]

That was truly entertaining

I'm emigrating to the US & was beginning to wonder whether my sick & twisted outlook on life would cause me problems, I'm not worried any longer :wink:

[aussiephil]

I love it

[emtpsaveu911]

20. Cover you mouth when you cough/belch. This is

>>just common courtesy. When you neglect to do this,

>>I am tempted to bust butt in your room, then close

>>the door.

:sign5: for some reason i just (not busted a$$) but busted out laughing when i read that.

[BushyFromOz]

27. Gravida 7 at age 22 means you are a slut.

GOLD! Bring on the baby bonus............

[iMac]

LMBO...waw, so true.

[MedicAsh]

I think this needs to be posted at the admissions windows of EVERY er. LMAO

[Ridryder 911]

At least one thing, all those were true and universal @ every ER I have worked...

R/r 911

[Asysin2leads]

You know, not that I don't agree with most of the sentiment on the list, but once I get some rest, I'm coming back with my tips for b---chy ER nurses. You need to have a balance for life.

Tips like:

Just because you are half my height and I'm a man doesn't mean I am the one to vent all of your repressed rage on towards the men who were bigger than you and treated you bad in your life. We have psychologists for that.

If you didn't bother to learn anything about the prehospital care system in your area while working in the Emergency Room, don't get mad at me if I look at you like you're dumb when you ask me a dumb question about what I can and can't do.

If I am out of breath when I come through the doors, that's a good sign the patient needs immediate attention.

Vital signs are courteousy. Don't abuse the courteousy.

If you don't like your job, find a new one.

Thank you for leaving your personal issues at home.

I don't care how many years you've been doing your job. Get up from behind the desk.

Try as I might, darn it, I just can't make things look as pretty as you can when I'm working in mud, blood and crack vials as you can in the middle of a brightly lit, climate controlled, non moving Emergency Room with some soft music playing, so cut me a little slack.

Call me an ambulance driver and I'll call you a candy striper.

Okay, I'll think of some more, but those were pretty good.