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Alcomedicism

You might be working for Rural EMS If......

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When your dispatch is out of one of your senior citizen's houses that is equipped with a "RED PHONE" and portable radio. ( I like it when the dispatchers children or Grandchildren answer the emergency phone)

When you are considered the back up for your one law enforcement officer on midnights.

When everyone on your department is related by blood or marriage.

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When the dog automatically gets out of the hallway when the tones go off...

When you have to dust your rig and trucks once a month!

When your dispatcher expresses sympathy for a bad call when you request times.

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Your ambulance is the only vehicle within 100 miles that has a plow mounted on it. Plus it works great during deer season!

ACLS stands for 'Advanced Cow Life Support' or 'Advanced Cardiac Livestock Support'

You tell dispatch to put your unit out of service because your ambulance "Trew a Shoe"

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If your dispatcher tells you "the trailor house on Wilcox Road, the one with an old tractor in the front yard"..but doesnt ask the caller what brand of tractor--John Deere, International, Ford, Moline, Massey Ferguson. (it was the "7th" trailor house with an old tractor in the yard--a John Deere.........only in Mississippi................. :?

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ACLS stands for 'Advanced Cow Life Support' or 'Advanced Cardiac Livestock Support'

I've got something similar along those lines:

If you've ever worked a choking call involving someone's 4-H show rooster (not me but one of my coworkers did this at the fairgrounds- he had to remove a piece of corn from the rooster's windpipe)

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Directions include driving past the barn that burned 20 years ago, past the old (whoknows) place, the one you had an ambulance run at in 1967, past the field where the drug plane crashed in 85, take a left at the old school house, go ten miles, past last years forest fire, hang a right at the failed oil well, another right at the rock shaped like a cow, and they'll be in the field, 15th Tee-pee from the road, medicine mans tent for a snake bite.

(really, no seriously... a pow-wow... they think eastern diamond backs are good for healing and to sacrifice for their children to have food)

Well, the snake seen it as some guy in a costume that clearly wasn't an indian (some weird flatlander tourist from New Jersey) that was planning on killing them. :P The guy deserved it. He survived.

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When the local ED has 2 beds and closes at 5PM.

When you have to check which mountain passes aren't closed by avalanches before leaving on an interfacility.

When the skibums try to hitch a ride on your ambulance.

When 1/3 of your fleet is out for animal strikes at any given time.

When the paramedic responds to the scene on his snowmobile.

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When your emergency response vehicles ARE snowmachines, and you have to mark out a 3000 foot runway for the medivac plane with snow filled garbage bags on a frozen lake at 50 degrees below zero. 8)

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