The Best Chief Complaint

[ERDoc]

"I need to have my ovaries washed out."

"My penis is red and itchy and swollen." 4am

"I was in an accident 10 hours ago and now my neck is hurting. I don't want to go to the hospital, but was hoping you could give me one of those collars." 4am volley call

"I've had this belly pain for 15 years. I saw a 3 GI guys who said it was GERD and started me on a pill that I have to take once a day. I don't want to take the pill anymore, so what can you do for me?" Me: "I can have you sign your discharge papers and have you follow up with one of your GI guys in 2-4 weeks."

[etfink]

35 yo female, ill person:

I've had diarrhea for 3 days.

OK what made you call us tonight.

I want to go to the hospital

OK well again why did you call us.

I didn't want to make a mess in my SUV. It is a new BMW

AHHHHHHH!!! :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

[madmedic8522]

2am tones for a sick case......upon arrival find a 38yo female, who is very upset and scared to the point of not being verbal, finally get her calmed down, and she tells us that she had her thumb nail removed 2 days ago and the bandage was now stuck to the nail bed. we walked her to the kitchen sink, ran water over it until the bandage fell off, then sign a refusal.

back in bed by 0220ish!!!!!

madmedic

[Scaramedic]

Oh I just remembered another really stupid call.

Dispatched at about 1am to an apartment for an unresponsive ~20yo female. Arrive on scene to find a man & woman arguing. The short version they were in bed talking and had an argument. She got mad rolled over and would not talk to her boyfriend, so he called 911 saying she was not talking to him. Dispatch took this as unresponsive and dispatched us, fire and PD. Needless to say PD had a nice talk with the young man.

Peace,

Marty

:roll:

[EMT857]

Was toned out to a supermarket for a diabetic emergency, pt was feeling lightheaded and dizzy, she was NOT diabetic, but the rest of the family was. So she was diabetic by association. :roll:

[medic_9]

Lights and sirens to an assisted living home. Dispatched as a shortness of breath.

O/A ~80 yr old female standing outside on the sidewalk smoking. Chief complaint: I'm about to run out of smokes. Shows almost empty pack of smokes as proof of this. Wants us to either take her to the store and back or we just go and bring them back for her (store is almost directly across the street).

My partner not so nicely explained that you can't call 911 for this reason.

[MedicBob]

2 calls come to mind.

1. Urban, big city. Called for a jewelry ring stuck on a finger. Transported to ED. Then we were nice and gave her a ride home too. We should have had a ring cutter on the bus but didn't.

2. Urban, smaller city. "My leg bag is leaking." 10-23 find man ambulatory 3 blocks from hospital, 5 blocks from initial address given. He walked by the hospital after calling and stated he we meet us at that intersection. Foley leg bag had a pin hole in it. Tried to duct tape it but gave up. Transported to ED and met in garage with a leg bag on a cart, discharge instructions already printed, and a note, to us, that we owe the ED chocolate. The pt. wanted a ride home. Didn't happen. :roll:

[Mediclcems]

Dispatched to an assault call for a 40s F adamately requesting EMS for a broken fingernail! She's lucky we didn't trauma alert her for medics kicking her butt!

[mediccjh]

A toothache.

On Christmas Day.

For the past 3 days.

I love da Brick.

[Ridryder 911]

I was working in very busy ER one day. I asked the patient "What's the problem today?"... her reply was " I am dead".. I died 2 days ago and I thought I better get it checked out" .... Yes, she did have a pulse...

The other one was I picked a lady not too long ago in her late 50's to early 60's who was hysterical claiming that a " Demon had impregnated her!" After reassuring her that she was safe, etc.. we got her into ER. Jokingly I told the ER Doc and of course he rolled his eyes, also laughing that a late 50 year old woman could even get pregnant!....

He called me later and wanted to talk to me.. I went by the ER, and he showed the video tape.. of the ultra sound .. she was pregnant.. too weird & spooky... she was sent for psych counseling...

R/r 911