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Funniest EMS stories


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Just the other day.....received a call, had to take a HUGE man to the hospital for various reasons. We finally got him onto the streatcher but his fat was hanging over the side so I couldn't buckle him in. I figured I would simply raise his fat and then strap him in...so I tried...several times, not realizing I was sufficating my pt with my breasts each time I bent over to lift his fat!!!!! I of course apologized perfusly....he said it was ok, and that it was the most action he's got in a LONG time. Yes...that would have been a hard one to explain to my supervisor! "YOU KILLED YOUR PT HOW???" #-o

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How about...

VAS crew, first time together, all green and on the road for the first time. Car Accident, car versus concrete elevated train track support. Municipal ambulance already had one aboard, and let us take the second. C-Collared, longboarded, sandbags taped into proper position (a time before the KED, KODE, or IDEA), we got the patient to the hospital.


As we were still so green, whoever had the release lever on the streacher forgot to let go, so we went up and down a few times before we figured it out. Once we got the patient inside, after a quick evaluation by the ED doctor, we were instructed to remove the patient from the longboard. The longboard was still on the streacher, and we had undone only the streacher straps, not the longboard. We nearly choked the poor woman. Then, we decided, just undo all the straps, and we attempted do slide the longboard out from under the patient. This went OK, if you don't take into account that in doing so, we pulled off the woman's wig!

We got a lot of weird looks from the ED crew, but managed to maintain our composure until we got back outside to the corridor, then we were almost rolling on the floor laughing at ourselves, just in time to be seen doing so by a characteristically no-humor Highway Patrol Cop, who was doing a followup on the accident. His dour attitude towards our laughter made us laugh all the more!

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  • 2 weeks later...

So on scene at a code blue, with a very green EMT-B. Fresh out of the state test and just out of high school. So folks from several units are working this lady, got her intubated, pushing tons of drugs, shocked a few times, the works. After we move her onto the stretcher one of the medics thought that the tube may be dislodged since the ETCO2 reading was dropping. So he looks at he new recruit and yells, "Give me some ears"(which in my neck of the woods means a scope).

This kid, wide eyed and looking like a deer in headlights, has no idea what to do. So he slams his head down on the patient's chest actually trying to listen for breath sounds! Guess he never heard the term ears before.

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So there were these guys who started talking about calls on a forum board. One of the patients found out, got really pissed off and sued the service and the employee for millions. Now the employee works at 7-11 with forty percent of his wages going to the poor "victim." All just for violating the the HIPAA standards.

It was fricking hilarious!!!! :lol::D:lol::lol:



P.S. Of course it is fun to tell stories and I have done it myself. Be very careful when you use phrases that describe a time, place or identifiable event or patient. Especially if it was a recent call. Just a word of warning.

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Marty the Scaramedic makes a very good point. If telling these stories, make sure to not mention specific locations, dates, and especially not names of the patients, or your crew-mates.

Oh, the story I mentioned? It was a long time ago, in a galaxy far away...

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We got dispatched to an assault at about 7:30pm on a warm Friday night. We arrive on scene with approx. six cop cars. One of them walks up and tells me that this woman had been beat by her boyfriend and she's now complaining of neck and back pain. The cop told me she'd been hit with a shoe on the back and neck. Okay ya'll, remember "hit by shoe". I walk inside to find a healthy, pretty woman holding a 5mth old infant. I ask her what happened and she tells me she has an "extensive history" of spinal problems and has a pinched nerve. She told me she's on prednisone. She stated she'd been fighting with her 'baby's daddy' and he'd threatened to kill her. After he threatened to kill her, she said he hit her with a banana.

A what?

A banana.

"Then he hit me with this stuffed banana. And this thing hurts when it gets flyin'," she said.

A... a.... a stuffed banana. A BIG STUFFED BANANA.

It took everything I had in me not to laugh. My partner said I did a good job because generally I can't contain myself and I do laugh. But I'm learning to hold it in. I already laughed at a lady who called us for tape because "the ticks are bitin' the backs of my legs and my butt and I need tape to wrap up my legs." When she told me that I couldn't help it. I just laughed. Luckily she was drunk so she wasn't offended.

Anyway, there you go. Assault by stuffed banana. I wrote it up in my report just like that too.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I caused a big controversy on a run recently. Obviously I'm female, and my partner is a male, 6'2", pretty big guy. We went to an ECF for a pt fallen, still on floor. My partner, a medic, tried to clear c-spine, but the pt was complaining of pain even when nobody was touching him. So, c-collar, backboard, the works. The patient was not happy, but since his wife was POA, and she wanted him to go, he went.

All the way out to the truck, he's pulling on the collar, telling me he vomits if he's on his back. Once the stretcher is locked in place and he realizes hes going, he goes ballistic. Pulls the collar off twice with both of us holding him down, throws punches at us, basically trying to beat the crap out of us. Funny considering I'm 22, my partner is 42, and the patient is 92.

My partner tried to protect my by tying the patients wrists to the cot. Even so, he managed to pull the collar off AGAIN. I gave up and just held manual c-spine. My partner then pissed my off by trying to take over my patient. I shoved him out the back saying, "It's BLS, get up front and drive!" Partner marked BLS, emergent to the ER, kinda because I was getting beat up in the back. That's where people got irritated at us.

The entire trip, the patient is yelling at me, pointing his finger at me, and finally landed a solid left hook on my jaw. Ouch. We get him to the ER, and the doc immediately cleared c-spine after the pt unhooked all the straps and rolled off the backboard.

Three nights later, I'm riding with a medic supervisor who asked me why I was in the back instead of my partner. The male supervisor told me a man would have been able to handle it better. He got the tongue lashing of his life. Oh, it was so much fun seeing the look on his face during it. After all this though, not a single guy at work even dares to make a comment like that. They know I can handle my own.

It's all really funny, once I look back on it. And once the bruises faded!

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