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Funniest EMS stories


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First one was not really funny at the time but is a regular comming back with the colleague I rode that night. We got a call from 911 dispatch " someone's called there's a child on a bike ran over and blocked untherneath a tram.

I rush like crazy and arrive together with PD to find a drunk Morrocan lady in a long dress drunk as hell who fell over the tram rails? Since she thought we would not com to help her up since she was not even injured at all she "exagerated a little bit on the phone"

Even since I called all other units back asap we had at least 10 cars ranging in PD, Ambulance, MUG, public transportation police and FD...

I wonder i Fatima ever got a bill over this :lol:

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we had a call for one of our local nursing homes for a fall

get there and shes sitting up against a dresser cussing like a truckdriver basically blaming the staff for her fall

we ask her what happened her response was "what the f**k does it look like ?i fell you morons !"we hide a smirk and try to get her checked

shes like 80 something and wont let any male ems near her

i approach her and try to get her on the stretcher

shes like "but they're gonna see my a$$ i said no they wont

get her settled andloaded and enroute with her purse on her lap(wouldnt let anyone else hold it )and shes still complaining that the staff is incompetent and all the sudden in the next breath we hear "im sorry im not normally this bitchy "

we just nodded and got her to the er

it wasnt a really funny call but the way she was acting was really funny

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911 call for a fight on the street, arrived there in a mass fight between two foreign families. Suddenly a guy comes running to us yelling " I am bleeding, the stabbed me in the head"

So we look and find a small screwdriver planted in the back of his head, the guy goes " the asshole who did is went now to his car to get his gun, he wants me really bad for sleeping with his sister"

We put the guy down, c-collared him, stabilized the screwdriver, put out BPvests on and speeded of the scene in about 1 minute :lol:

Elderly wheelchairbounded big lady slipped out of the safetyseat in her bath, I could no way get her out with my female colleague so called FD for manpower

We get the lady seated upright in the bath, I step between the legs, a fire fighter behind her back and lift her out in rauteckhold when the fire monkey lifts the showerhandle up with his elbow...There I was standing with 200 pounds of patient in my hands untherneath an ice cold shower with six firefighter and my colleague laughing their ass of :roll:

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We went on a chest pain so we needed to do a 12 lead. The women was old, in her sixties, but had a great sense of humor. She was screwing with me from the get go.

I explained the 12 lead and told her where I'd be putting them and that I would need to move her breast (which were rather large and saggy). When I lifted her breast she looked right at me and said "Oh, you frisky little boy!". My partner about lost his damn mind! I couldn't think of what to say, so I purred at her. She laughed her ass off and my partner could no longer keep a straight face.

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My partner and I responded to an EDP in the nursing facility cafeteria, NYPD there in multitudes, per their protocols. As she was reportedly violent, my partner and I were glad to wait in back of the LEOs, for them to "secure" her.

One of the LEOs turned to me, and asked ME what the ETA was on EMS! I'm only standing right next to him.

My partner, the other cops, and myself, have never let the poor guy forget it, either!

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Way back when, I was an EMT running with Fire when we went on a 17 year old female heroin OD. Her veins were trashed from years of IV drug use and the fire medic couldn't get a line. He stuck her 3 or 4 times. SHe was groggy and said "Ouch, give me that!" Grabbed the IV cath and without even looking stuck it right in. The medic said "Nobody say a f##king word!" And of course we didn't. It just happened to make the next issue of the fire dept news letter.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Went on a frequent urination call and upon arriving onscene we are advised by the pt that he feels he has to pee but can only dribble. He tells us he called 911 because he does not think he can make it to the hospital without peeing enroute. I gave him a urinal. The guy, unbuckled the stretcher, stood up, dropped his pants to his ankles, and sat his naked ass on the bench seat right next to me. If only they made an autoclave that is big enough to fit a truck inside of I would be so happy. I did not sit on that bench for at leat 2 shifts.

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