Happiness

A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY WAS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THOUGHT

HE HAD BEEN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE WENT IN TO SEE WHAT HE WAS UP TO. THE

LITTLE BOY WAS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK. ABOUT EVERY 15 SECONDS OR

SO, HE PUT THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPPED THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HIT HIMSELF ON TOP OF HIS HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.

HIS MOTHER SAID, "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE."

BILLY SAID, "I'M FINE, MOMMY. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE POTTY YET."

HIS MOTHER SAID, "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT BILLY, WHY

ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"

BILLY SAID: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP.''

Nope taxi cab diary. But if we go with Traitor 911 Happy you will star in Traitor 2 the sequel. do I get to wear my sexy uniform or the frumpy one

Oh did y'all miss me? NO

I am thinking that all these negative posts are because she didn't choose your ambulance crew. You guy's are just jealous that she choose mine. You don't think there will be a problem when she finds out we are a bunch of fat bald old guys with kegs rather than 6 packs?

And the name of the show is going to be what ? "Traitor 911" ;p

Ok I think I may have kind of miss wrote when I wrote chief he was an Indian Chief not our Station chief. I know this dosnt dismiss anything anyone has already said... but when I see the medic i will hug him for everyone

We all have our patients that we have a little more compassion for, this holds very true in small communities. Iigaawas (ill-ja-wa) was our communities chief. He had suffered a long battle with cancer and passed on Sunday.

I have read many stories of the kindness we as medics do for our patients, and to be honest we dont always know how this impacts their lives.

This man was medivac about 6 weeks ago and returned about a week later. Through out his time in the hospital all he wanted was a hamburger. No one in his family or staff would get it for him. The day he was to come home he had mentioned it to the crew that was bringing him home. The medic left the room and returned with a burger in hand. On the way to the plane he enjoyed that burger like never before. Once he got on our tarmac it was the first story out of his mouth and it was the last story I heard from him. This small act of kindness made an old man so happy. Kudoo's to the medic and when I see you again I will make sure you know how much that hamburger really ment..............

A little long but completely hilarious!!

Why we shoot deer in the wild

(A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this)

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up-- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold..

The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope .., and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite?

They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ..... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!

All these events are true so help me God... An Educated Farmer

This is truely a dispicable event and will certainly turn into nightmare at Penn State. Sad that people witnessed the events and didn't report it, they are just as responsible as the ones actually committing the act of abuse. A friend of mine who worked in the court system when Clifford Olsen was caught was asked what she would do to him if she had a chance. Her answer was "just give me a potato peeler".

Come on Flamming prove Siff wrong I dare you ................................actualy I double dare you

I remember seeing a Voltswagan Beetle done up as an RCMP vehical.

Just why are you reaching down to your ass trying to grab a hair, do we need to know something?

Maybe

There is no such thing as a BS call, every call is a cry for help (except for false calls). Some are more acute, some are actually not acute at all. Calls only become BS, when you the practitioner feel that your time has been wasted. If you are paid for every hour you work, then you should not gripe about any call that you run (a volunteer has the right to be mad).

Imagine your electrician scolding you or getting pissed off because he did a service call to your home and found that they only problem you has was that a circuit breaker tripped in your fusebox, and you were to dumb to go check that before calling a professional.

So you dont concider a False call a BS call. Have you ever been in a situation where your dealing with an ass that abuses the system for a ride up town and the real pt dies because of it..... I have and it sucks the big one. Maybe in big cities where there are 50 ambulance you can deal with the BS call but if you only have one that is manned it is a danger. It dosnt have anything to do with wasting my time it has to do with wasting the time a pt that is in a real emergency has. Oh and there is no difference with time being wasted if you are a volly or paid.

OK you figured it out, they had a one night stand and I am their bastard child.

WOW I might actually be a bit speechless........

Ummm Ummmm

Holy shit...The friggin' City will be speaking French before long if this friggin' Canadian trend continues...

Pitiful...

Dwayne

Its easier to learn than Newfie.......count your blessings on that one

I still get a woody when I drive by a good MVA

Ok is it just me or does this appear to have the influance or both Squint and Dwayne Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Kiwi, we will have some fun, likely at tniuqs's expense!

Ok if any one is going to fun at squints expense I had better be invited. Welcome to the city WTF, anything that little teepee creeper says about me is untrue I am the true definition of Happiness lol

Always learn new stuff!

Longest Nerve In The Body

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eyes.

My public service is done for the day!

Keep laughing...life is too short to take life too seriously...

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a great huge, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.

'So, how is everything going?' inquired God.

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.'

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.

'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden..

Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?'

Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless Tit?'

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?

Well I will just send a newfie to NZ and see what happens then

Psst! Dwayne!

It's "sister".

Im surprised that Dwayne actually missed that

Thanks everyone for the input. I just wanted to get others' thoughts on this. I guess if you knew this person you would understand. She is in medic classes and is already the "paragod awesomest bestest paramedic in the WORLD". She bad talks all of the area departments that she rides with saying they don't know how to run codes, take care of patients properly, etc. So when a patient does not personally thank her she believes they are ungrateful for her even though she just "saved their life" (put on a bandaid). I am not trying to bad talk her but I think there is a limit and to me she hit the limit and has no business in this business.

We had a temp once that came here with a crap attitude... I can be very patent but when she screemed at our local VFF and they said to me to make her shut up or they wouldn't come to a scene if she was there it was time to make her realize that she wasnt all that. It was one public moment with a bike rider vrs road. He was drunk and not happy. She was trying to do a spinal senerio without any real success as no one but me was willing to help her (only because I had to . We finally got on the collar and he was strapped in the clam shell, when it came time to tape his head she was struggling with it so I came up to the pt with the O2 tank lifted the head up and was able to do a good tape job that wasn't slipping. She looked a little stunned so I said "If you respect the people that are around you that have the little tricks they will be willing to show them to you, but since you yell at everyone and make them feel stupid no one wants to help" and went to my end to do the lift. She looked at a FF for help (she was little) at her end and he came to help, he said lets start new. It is sometime something very little that will make a hero realize that they have to rethink their actions and in this case it was an O2 tank trick.

I am thanked all the time by my patients or by the family. It took me along time not to look at the floor and blush. Now I just say your welcome and thats that. Patients are just sometimes just polite and want to say it.

When it becomes expected is the time that person should be out of the profession

Thought about starting a new topic, but I think it fits in this discussion. I was recently labeled a troll because I did not agree with the majority in the room on a topic. I do not believe I am a troll, but for the purposes of this discussion I will count myself as one, since that is how I was labeled.

So I ask, if you could wave a magic wand and get rid of all of the trolls, what would EMTCITY look like ? Would it be better, maybe, but maybe not? I think I know (by peoples scores) which ones you consider trolls. Funny thing though, their posts seem to be the ones that get the most views and responses, and I believe some of those topics are very thought provoking, whether you agree with them or not.

Next, I would ask for a clear definition of "A TROLL", as I imagine it differs from person to person.

You blantently LIED to us and I think I have pointed that out

we hadd 299 calls last year, dont know this years numbers

MY DADDY SLEEPS NAKED

"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Johnny.

"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"

Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Johnny what he meant by that. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Johnny and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth.

"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double barreledshot gun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!'' "Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!

"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barreled 12-gauge shot gun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy's crack!"

"Miss Russell, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!"