Happiness

Children Writing About the Ocean...

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.

(Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls.

(Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.

(Mike, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily

Richardson . She's not my friend any more.

(Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.

(Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs.

(Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans.

(William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really?

(Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.

(Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.

(Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.

(Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.

(Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.

(Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know.

(Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

If you didn't smile at one of these, you need to find a better sense of humor.

Ten Thoughts to Ponder

Number 10

Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8

Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an

erection, make him a sandwich .

Number 7

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the

Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 6

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying

of nothing.

Number 5

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to

criticism.

Number 4

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax cut

saves you $30.00?

Number 3

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is

weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Number 2

Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn your

a$$ tomorrow.

And The Number 1 Thought - - - as someone recently said to me:

"Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last that long."

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America,

Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be

referred to as

'HILLBILLIES.'

You must now refer to them as

APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore,

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a

BREASTED AMERICAN. '

2. She is not 'EASY' - She is

'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a

'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a

'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes

' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a

' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a

'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is

' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

3.. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He

' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in

'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of

RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

(Loved this one!)

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's

'TROUSER CLEAVAGE.'

Not that she shouldn't be heard but I always have a problem when anyone state's "I was sexually harrassed" when things don't go their way. Would the shower comments be an issue if there was a letter for employment and not the ones she recieved.

If you take this bad experience and make it a learning one then all is good. The guy didn't die and you and your partner are not being sued "yahooo". Dont fret on it to long, everyone of us have made or not made decisions on that internal holy shit button, some turn out and some dont. The earlier you realize that it will make your career a bit more enjoyable. I dont understand why you wouldn't feel that you could ask a question at the time of all of this, as in the end it is all about learning right. So one question I have were you around when the medic was getting the nursing report ? The reason I ask is maybe this person had a DNR or something else was going on that you may not have been aware of.

As for staying calm when all is going down the drain it all comes with experience, and so you know even the ones with experience are freaking inside its just they have learned to hide it well, I know I do................

good luck in you future adventures

My question would be what is an acceptable level of O2. If using the pulseox do they want it at 80% or should it be 95%.

Im going with ascetis. But since the pic has a beer bottle on his belly Im thinking you may find a case or two of beer in autopsy......

Anyway, if you can, and would like to, I'd love the opportunity to do a few shots and try and teach you how o drink like a real man...

Or, a cup of coffee, either is fine...

Dwayne

I want to see pictures of you after you try to teach an Aussie how to drink hee hee .......have fun

http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/06/10009107-penis-tattoo-gives-guy-permanent-erection

I knew a guy that had a snake tattoed on his little gentlman once and to say the least it was a bit disturbing

The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.

About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List.. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone! The top 10 were:

10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.

8. Viagra, like a rock !

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra , Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!

And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your peepee... This is your peepee on drugs

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to

track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to

join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take

us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit

until you're at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about

sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about

sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000

additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a

cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't

sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe

letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it

will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile..

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys

always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I

said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may

as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where

we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number

would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting

screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also

developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them

for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the

screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've

been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope

hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after

completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've

never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still

learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl.

He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to

shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little

more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The

last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off

old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know

that their best years are already behind them.

You could also recruit Women over 50...in menopause!!!

You think MEN have attitudes??

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on

border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!

Send this to all of your senior friends...(it's in big type so they can read it.)

congrats

take lots of pictures

remember you were a teenager once

and also it dosn't matter what they do wrong it will be funny one day

Welcome to the city I hope you have thick skin, we are a different kind of herd here

well can you feel the boot in your ass for leaving us for so long. now perv if you do it again your going to get a spanking like you have never had before sure missed our resident perv.

Now on topic, one thing I have noticed is when a patient says "I'm sorry i called you guys" our or my response is "thats okay thats why we are here" so do you think with those types of comments we encourage that type of behaviour in our patients. I try not to encourage bad behaviour but what do you say "dont call me again" and then they die. Its all the little boy who cried wolf syndrom.

Why do you feel you have to mind your own business. He let you look and you told him how serious it really was and now he is going to go see the dr. I think you did a fine job . There are those times in our lives that we intervine and it makes a difference to those who need help, and being female helps because we tend to have the motherly touch in the touch situations.

edited for saying that might be interped wrong sorry

That being said, it wasn't you who had to play with the hand you were dealt. It was your patients who had to play. That's why being a patient was such an informative experience. I'm sure you're proud of your soothing voice and shredded GI blanket, but your patients probably were not as impressed.

Happiness: I don't think the use of any analgesia currently on the market can bring pain down to a zero. The other thing I learned about in the hospital is a nerve block. Its what they did on me prior to surgery. That made any pain a 0. Of course I couldn't move my arm for a good 12 hours or so. I liked Entonox not so much for its analgesic effects but for its dissociative effects. For me it kinda more dulled the pain, which was definitely still there. Morphine, fentanyl, dilaudid, they're fun and they do work to some extent, and the euphoric side effects are a nice distraction, but still for pain control in an acute injury they can be lacking.

Which brings us to multi-trauma victims. Poor, poor, conscious multi-trauma victims. Pouring water in someone's face to elicit information is in some circles considered unethical. But strapping someone with several broken bones down to a hard plastic board and taking them over rough terrain is considered proper medical procedure. For these poor souls, I would suggest conscious sedation. Even if they're AMS. Even if they're hypotensive. There's no contraindication against giving a hypotensive patient benzodiazepines, only cautions. I think we are so focused on rapid transport with trauma patients that somewhere along the line we forgot that when you're in that state, no transport is rapid enough. Until we invent the Star Trek teleporter that time between we pick them up, deliver them to definitive care, and definitive care does its thing, is usually an unacceptably long time for a patient to be in agonizing pain.

I had a nerve block once when having a tendon reattached in my index finger and your right there is no pain until it wears off . I dont disagree with your comment on slamming a trauma pt on hard surfaces and having straps tightened on broken boards but if you make sure there is alot of padding on both the board and around the straps this does minimize the any further damage and pain. Now with that being said if you have done your job to the best of your ability you will have some idea of where the broken bones are and you then dont tighten the straps in that area, you move them so they dont go over the injury. I have only had to pack one patient a far distance http://www.queencharlotteislandseh.com/parks/tow_hill/index.htm this will give you an idea of the terain and if you think the wooden pathway was easy it was slippery as hell and was not strether safe so the clam shell was used. Anyway the pt was elderly and slipped and the end of the path, she had a very broken ankle, we took the time to make sure everything was padded well and with the help of others packed her out. She was given entonox from start to finish and in the end she said it wasn't as bad as she thought it was going to be. By the way the roads to Tow hill are even more horrible with pot holes etc.

One thing out station does is make sure the everyone gets a code three ride laying on the stretcher so they know how it feels for the ones in the back.

Now also experience has a big part in the equation, and by that I mean I dont feel the panic I once did on calls and am very compfortable being in the back longer if it means more compfort for the pt. And if my driver is not driving to what I want I will say so.

I also give entonox for pain relief for any suspected fracture. When I first started with BCAS all I need was the OFA 3 course and apperently I was lucky to have an instructor that made us do alot splinting and trauma packageing. I have used pillows for ankles, Sam spints and metal flexable splints for arms. To help stablize shoulders and clavicals I use a towel up into the arm pit and zap straps to hold the arm in place. When dealing with hips or femurs zap straps and a blanket are my best friends. And if it is with in my guidelines they get the entonox asap.

The one thing I never really understood during classes was using the Segar splint in trying to convince a pt that me pulling on their leg and applying this contraption was going to make them feel better until I actually used it. I asked this particular Pt if it was true and she said the relief was amazing.

So I guess back to the original theme, I would like to be able to completely eleviate any of my pts pain to 0, and I have found that entonox has been a good to get most of the pain at least down to a 2. The one call that comes to mind in useing all of my resourses what a 20 yr old Dirt bike accident. He was wearing a helment thank god, was riding down the beach hit a rock, went over the handle bars, wacked his head on a rock, flipped and smacked his hip on another rock. He heard and felt the snap of his femur. Did a complete spinal and femur stablization with zap straps gave him the entonox for relief while we packaged and moved him. By the time we got him to the hospital which was 5 min away his leg was 3 times its normal size, so with that in mind in using the straps is that you have to keep evaluating and adjusting the straps so that it dosnt turn into a tornique.

I posted this on my FB and my friend called me asking "Why are you looking for drugs on Craigslist"

Education is the best place for paramedics to learn, but one thing that is forgotten is the experience of the partners. I have learned more from the flightmedics, the nurses and the drs on any given call. A text book and a teacher is going to show you the inside the box information where as the others above are going to teach you the outside of the box information and are going to show you how to apply it in the real world.

Just my opinion

Scotty sorry to hear you may need the help of your collegues, I am wondering if you have the emergency alert necklaces in NZ, if so why don't you get one and if something happens when she is with you in the house or out and about all she has to do is remember to push the button. Hope things get better soon and remember always wear clean underwear, as you know we do check

Happi

Happiness why are you harassing Paramedics again?

Its my only way to get that 15 mins of fame.............

Interesting

http://www.theprovince.com/news/thirds+paramedics+abused+study/5923898/story.html

Because most of you heterosexuals like to procreate and then abandon your wife and kid, leaving the child to be raised by no one (because the mom is at work all the time), you have to protect children from these influences. Violent songs create violent actions, especially in the young.

Seriously what planet are you fom. You come to these forums and call us bigots you arse and the above is the most biggoted statement I have seen in a long time. My son spent most of his life on the computer, playing all the games that people thought should be banned and watching the most violent and sex full movies. He lives on his own, owns a truck, plays music, produces music with his friends, he went to collage, he works full time (outside) and he has asperations to join the RCMP. So produce the stats, and so you know peckerhead (i just wanted to call you that)

We then had to bake her, we dont want any waste

My favorites

NCIS

3rd rock from the sun

all in the family

MASH

Mike and Molly

Married with children

Big bang

Reba

According to Jim

Pengins of Madigasgar