Happiness

Just had my training for the tracker style last week, yahoooo now lets hope we get our soon

End of fishing season at the lodge. They always have a big party, and this one particualar group of Darwin applicants decided it would be a good idea to fill a kiddy pool with jello, then jump off the roof and land in it. One only one participant was scored and it was a 0.

Definition of Irony

The food stamp program, part of the Department of Agriculture, is pleased to be distributing the greatest amount of food stamps ever.

Meanwhile, the Park Service, also part of the Department of Agriculture,

asks us to "Please Do Not Feed the Animals" because the animals may grow dependent and not learn to take care of themselves.

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...................so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the fight started....

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream........ And that's how the fight started.

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security . The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's licenseto verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said,'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'.............. And that's how the fight started.....

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girl friend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'.............And that's how the fight started.....

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' ...............And that's how the fight started.....

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.' ........................And that's how the fight started.....

I travel the beaches with my dog and quad, Weave cedar hats, sew and torment my sons cat

Im pretty sure this has been a thread before way back when. I try not to cut off the cloths of the homeless or if in reality I dont need to. There are those times that I am recieving a pt that has been packaged by a first responder (exp a logger) if their cloths are not off when I get them I dont take them off until in the ER (be aware my ER is about 5 min code three away from where I get them) where I have alot of help because most of these guys are spinaled and very large men and I would cause more damage.

You have to be aware of the settings, if it is 40 below are you cutting someones cloths off in the street, or waiting until your in the ambulance.

As for patient dignaty it is a pretty big deal in our little world and there are those times it is out the window but it can be handled well for example, I had a lady that was nudged by a car while walking with a walker. She didn't have the time or ability to put her hands out to protect her neck. She went face first and her neck was broken. Now since we had to start CPR and we had alot of FF to help, they grabbed blankets and made barriers so that the general public couldn't see us cut off her shirt and bra, it worked well for that scene.

When I do have to cut off the cloths in general I will go and find new stuff for the pt. (there are those exceptions to that rule)

thats okay richard we don't all like british humor, personally I love it

Wow, is really all I can say. Well maybe not. My experience with our local FF has always been awsome. I dont understand why people have to slam them to the point that they do. At least once a year I go to them and we cruise through the car so they know where are stuff is. I ask them politely to get things for me and you what, they do. They also carry down those 300 pounders to my ambulance, funny thing is they dont complain. Maybe some should be thankful there are those other professions are there to help us. The other point that could be made is that DRs., nurses and paramedics dont always answer the call because of law suites, so you know what the dumb FF did so maybe the regognition is warrented.

The original report I read here made me think like others that it was how it was reported not nessasarily accuratly. Please ignore the spelling mistakes.

In the Haida world when someone is dying or is sent to the hospital everyone from the village shows up. It is a bit overwelming to those who dont do this in their own culture. You have just discovered one of the best things in EMS and that is feeling compfortable enough to stay for the prayer, comunicate with the family and to be able to give that family a hug. The hugs can be few and far between but you will remember every one of them.

Is this scientific? or just you're experience?

This is by experience and Yes I have used this technique but it is not the only technique I use. Not once have I decided to use it with out really thinking this person was faking and not once have I had a person hit themselve in the face.

What was the negative outcome for the patient?

No negative outcome for the patient, but the patient and the medic ended up rolling around in the back. So therefore I think it is very important for the medics safety they know if a patient may be faking.

I agree.... You are NOT a whacker

Why thank-you

I don't wanna bust you're perverbial balls here, but just a reality check for ya: A sternal rub is barbaric yet you are advocating dropping a 7lb (adult) piece of bone and meat on thier face while they lye there completely defenseless and entrusting thier well-being and dignity to you?

Oh don't worry about my balls, I am here to learn what I can from others. Even though there are those that dont agree with the arm drop I feel it does have a place. I am not saying you use this the little old lady or the 10 year old that fell off of a bike, this in my opinion is used when you think for what ever reason (a gut feeling) you need to know if a person is faking.

How do you explain the epistaxis running into thier unprotected airway?

First do no harm!

An NPA insertion will sort out the fakers..... If it is that important to you that you are the one to expose thier fakeness.

So first not one person has ever hit their face and cause an unprotected airway, next the last time I used a OPA and said it here I got slammed. As for needing to know about someone faking, I just like to know as I do know a medic that was caught off guard with a faker (a good faker at that)

I keep waiting for the decade when the stupid arm drop test is relegated to whackerdom. Providers still bring it up, usually with a stupid grin cause they are oh so smart.

I touch the eyelashes. The corresponding reflex movement of the eyelid is enough to reassure me that my patient is protecting their airway.

Its not that I am a wacker it was something I was taught and have never been told not to do it. I do know about the eyelashes but it isn't what comes to mind I guess, maybe I will try that next time.

We all have different idea's and I have never harmed anyone in doing the LOC checks, I personally think the sternum rub is a bit barbaric but if it works it works.

A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday

after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.

The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks

for 2 hours and 48 minutes.

The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they

asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't

talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much

to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his

wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...

Are you kidding me? If that was my front yard I'd have to go back to construction, as I'd never be able to pass another drug screen again...

Have you had them? Oh....My....God!!

You didn't get past the "They grow in my front yard" statement. Go re-read my post and you will have your answer

OK didn't read any of the responses but I did just watch a documentry on this a few months back, and yes they are testing in the states the LSD and the Magic Mushrooms and the studies show that they are benificial to the people that are banging their heads on the floors sucking O2 until they pass out. You can google this and find alot of information.

Magic Mushrooms grow in my front yard where I live (they are the best in the world) and I just talked to my boss and we may have to start a pharmicutical company to get these things out there. Just so people know before they start shoving these things down their faces, you can really distroy your brain if you take to many of them.

To the OP. If your friend chooses this rout in treatment then they had better know exactly what they are in for. Before being a medic I decided to give them a try on my birthday #25. A friend of mine who happens to be about 350 lbs turned into an orangatang in front of my eyes, and playing Mario was interesting to say the least. So halucinations do happen and you do feel weird.

Trap squeeze or sternum rub for me has always worked. I normally dont take shoes and socks off until my full assessment and personally I think I need to know my LOC before that. Also if I think the pt is faking I take the hand and let it go just above the face, if they smack themselves in the face I was wrong........

We are a on call station. We take turns but there are times when it is the first one there is the one that takes out the car so they drive. We also have a 2 man crew but can call others in if needed

Subject: Norwegian Virgin Wedding.

Olof Svenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota , took a lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch.

Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.

...As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said:

"How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiancé, Lena , is still a Virgin -- in every vay."

...

The doctor told him, "Olof, I'll have to put your Villy in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it on dere as long as you can." He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint,

and taped it all together...quite an impressive work of art.

Olof mentioned none of this to Lena, married her, and they went on their honeymoon to Duluth . That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said: "Olof...you're the first vun.

No vun has EVER seen deez.

Olof immediately dropped his pants and replied: "Look at dis Lena ..... still in DA CRATE."

NOW THAT THERE'S FUNNY, I DON'T CARE WHO YA ARE !

I am writing to say

what an excellent product

you have.

I've used it all of my married life,

as my Mom always told me

it was the best.

Now that I am in my fifties

I find it even better!

In fact, about a month ago,

I spilled some red wine

on my new white blouse.

My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me

about how clumsy I was,

and generally started becoming

a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood

on my new white blouse!

I grabbed my bottle

of Tide with bleach alternative,

to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday

told me that the DNA tests

on my blouse were negative.

Then my attorney called

and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief!

Going through menopause

is bad enough without being

a murder suspect!

I thank you, once again,

for having a great product.

Well, gotta go.

I have to write to

the Hefty bag people.

I will warn you this video is very graffic and some of the scenes are pretty disturbing. As I said in the parenting thread we dont always know what has happened previously to someone recording something......

Here is an example I wittnessed about two weeks ago. I was at the gas station and I saw a RCMP officer trying to talk to a person who is known for violence and severe ETOH abuse. After a few minutes of the cop being patient the guy took a swing and hit the cop in the head. Needless to say the guy hit a 6ft 6 350 lb cop and he didnt fair to well when he was having handcuffs placed on his wrists. So someone starts to video this incident but all the taping is the arrest, they weren't on the scene to witness the cop getting hit. So now if it posted anywhere on social media the public is only seeing one part of a story.

The first scene you see a man come out of a Carl's restaurant with his face covered and carrying an axe i think, he threatens a cop and gets shot 5 times. So there is an outrage of police brutality but do we know what happened in that restaurant NOPE.

We have to beware what we think is the truth if it is on the internet and remember there is normally a story before the video.........

Well as a parent who tried inventave ways to disapline my boys (most of them did what I wanted them to do) I really have to say I was not offended at all by this post. He took a situation that was started on facebook and ended it on facebook. The one thing about the internet is that you never get the whole story of what happened before this particular parent felt he had to do this post. Really he could have given her a cardboard sign and put her on the corner we have seen that done, and dont forget the dunce cap, so we really have had public humiliation in society for a long time. This is just a new way to do it. And I bet she isn't going to post insulting things against her family anymore.

I have enjoyed social media as a source to communicate with my children. My youngest can be moody to say the least and it may sound stupid but we communicated through FB chat even if he was sitting beside me. Now this wasn't the only way we talked but he was better able to type down words then to actually say them. I also have used it to kind of keep track of what he is up to now that he is on his own. I think that it is in all how you use the new tools that are going to make the difference.

I will warn you on this one. It is typical british humor and if you dont like their humor you wont like this. Enjoy

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/81447597/

TheRedneck went to thehospital as his wife was having a baby. Upon arriving, the Nurse says Congratulations,

Your wife has had quints,

5 big baby boys."

The Redneck says,

"I'm not surprised,

I have a penis on me like a chimney."

The nurse replies,

"You might want to consider getting it cleaned,

The babies are all black."

My Dog’s Secret

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.

He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants.

His meals are provided at no cost to him.

He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.

For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.

If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.

He receives these accommodations absolutely free.

He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.

All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head.......

I think my dog is a member of Congress!

I'm married... my memory isn't that good.

ya ya ya My husband went to the dr and a question was "are you sexually active" Not missing a beat hubby said "nope I'm Married"

As to the original subject just so you know I didn't laugh to long I also am a frequent flyer but I have limited my fluid intake and if there is a bathroom available I use it. Those are the only things that I can suggest. You may want to see a dr to see if there are other things available to ya....................

Subject: Fw: Two ladies talking in heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Kelly. How'd you die?

1st woman: I Froze to Death.

2nd woman: How Horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking

from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful

death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I

suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him

in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching

TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman

there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up

into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went

through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had

looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled

over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the

freezer---we'd both still be alive

"Laughter is the best medicine."

Subject: marriage

Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you.

I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.

I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules.

Any comments?'

His new bride said, 'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not.'

(SHE'S GOOD!)

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'

'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.''

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either,' and

storms out of the house.

After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'what took you so long to answer the phone?'

She says, 'I was in bed.

''In bed this early, doing what?'

'Getting a second opinion!'

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home 'Mother of six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, 'Anytime you're ready, Father of Four.'

God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.