PCB

I can't believe the reaction to this thread. A dog is just that, A DOG!! If the police choose to call them an "Officer", that is in their own minds. IT IS STILL A DOG!!! If it were me, I would get me a "Junkyard Dog" of a lawer, and sue the PD for leash law violation and damage to my vehicle, mental stress, ect. I'm glad PD's don't call cows officers, I'm might be eating an undercover cop right now!!

level 20

OK, I hate you!!! Now I can't stop playing this dang thing!! I'm going to get fired!! PC (level 5)

We all went to HOOTERS for a platter of chicken wings and to practice quick visual patient size-up on the waitress....

Blow up doll, whole fresh salmon, rubber boots, dozen 9 volt batteries......

Now, that's some funny stuff!! God, it brings back memories....

I was wondering if anyone else is going to go to the AMA & Emergency Responders Conference in Indianapoils. It will be Sept 14-17, 2006. Just for you "EMERGENCY" fans, Randolph Mantooth will be there 9/14, as a guest speaker and signing autographs. See ya there, PC http://www.in.gov/dhs/fire/branches/ems/conf/06erc.html

A friend sent this concerning TASERS..... Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary. Last weekend I saw something at Ski's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 36th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife, Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh- and blood-moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; (pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say "Don't do it, idiot.". Reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad, I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!@$!!@~$%^&**&%$$##@!!~~^!@+*!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking, "Do it again, do it again!". Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-...!! That hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return. Still in shock, Art

On site rapid response at a steel mill.

None. The lightbulb has to want to change it's self...

I kind of like being on the bottom..... 8)

I just love this. Ya gotta love a good duck joke!!

At work, we call ourselves the Basic Unified Trauma Team for Rockport AK Maintenance So I guess our unofficial moto might be "Have you got your BUTTRAM'ed today?"

"Over My Head (Better off Dead)" from the album "Does this look infected?" by Sum 41

TEN CHANGES IN THE NEW HEALTH PLAN. 10. Your annual breast exam is at Hooter's. 9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park". 8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles. 7. The only proctologist on the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter. 6. The only item listed under Preventative Care coverage is "An Apple a Day." 5. Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. 4. "The patient is responsible for 200% of out of network charges" is not a typographical error. 3. The only expense covered 100% is "embalming." 2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "M"s on them. 1. You ask for Viagra, and they give you a popsicle stick and duct tape.

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him also has a black eye. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence: we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?" So the guy tells him: "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident, sort of. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts I've ever seen was there. So, instead of saying: I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said: I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh." "She socked me one." The first guy responded, "Mine was a tongue twister too." "I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties, but I accidentally said: You ruined my life, you lousy bitch."

My ex used to walk, talk, eat and do several other interesting and enjoyable things while sleepwalking. My favorite was when she woke up wondering why her a$$ hurt!! :twisted:

I have a question. We are EMT's and Paramedics. Basically emergency medicine, PHTLS. How is supplying the "morning after pill" considered emergency medicine? Personally I would not, if given the authority, administer this medication. Neither would I withhold information if asked, but I would also offer information on places like "Nile House" or other teen pregnancy helplines.

i'm afraid of midget pigmie clown nurses..... you have no idea how it complicates my life!!!

Ass Master :twisted:

What is your name? Paul When is your birthday? May 28, 1956 Eye color? Blue Hair color? Brown/Grey/Gone What nationality(s) are you? American Any piercings? Yes Any tatoos? Yes You have three wishes, what are they? My daughter has a wonderful life, My country doesn't forget God, My wife gets well. What sound can you not stand? Dogs barking Special talents? Not really What is the first thing you do when you wake up? Get coffee What is the last song you sang? Amazing Grace Do you play any instruments? Does the radio count? Do you know any random facts? Hoover Dam weighs 5,500,000 tons BE HONEST- Do you listen to show tunes? Sure Do you want to go to college? Again?? I can't drink that much anymore... Whats the first thing you do when you get home from work? Talk to my dog. Is there anyone you are desperate to meet? Not really. Do you dance around your house when nobodys home? White guys can't dance. Favorite quote? "Just because you have a mouth doesn't mean you have to open it" My Grandma Main source of exercise? Pushing my luck. Yay or Nay Diet Pepsi? nay Kids? yay Bread? yay, especially 50's & 100's Hair cuts? why? Hiking? God created cars for a reason. Black and white photography? yay Coffee? OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!! What C.D.s are in your sterio right now? Christian artists Guilty pleasures? Starbucks If you had to eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? T-bone steak Speak other languages? Spanish Favorite song (as of right now)? Mary, did you know? Favorite flower? Wildflowers Contacts, glasses, or neither? Glasses Hometown? Los Angeles Favorite Drink? Milk Have you ever been in love? (depending on what your concept of love is) Yes Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yes Assertive or passive? Assertave Sing in the shower? Yes Any regrets? yes Do you swear? No Do you have any pet peeves? Not doing what you say you will do. Favourite Ice cream flavor? Chocolate chip Member of the red light club? No