Unfortunately, there is no easy way to answer this without sounding a little harsh. EMS relationships are the hardest and the most challenging (right up there with cops and doctors, etc...) Our passion and desire...near obsession...with this job is not able to be summed up to you in simple terms. I no longer have relationships because of what I love to do. This is my career...my life... I'm not willing to change it. I know that sounds selfish...but helping people is what I was intended to do. The sense of happiness, calm, peacefulness, fulfillment, etc...that I get from my job is the best feeling in the world. I certainly do not do it for the money. :roll: Unfortunately, you cannot just jump into this business and make it. You have to work (hard) for what you want. You have to prove yourself. You have to prove you are one of the best to climb even further. This job takes control, consumes you and leaves you wanting more and more and more...
I can almost tell you firsthand without even knowing you or him that he DOES care about you and his family and DOES love you. It's not his intention to ignore you, or to be crabby, or extra tired. It's not an easy job. It sounds like you are wonderful and supportive thus far; although your frustration is obvious, and for good reason.
The only advice I can give you is this. You have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself some very important questions. Can I continue to do this? Can I stay supportive and will I continue to love him; or am I going to resent this? There is no in-between. You are going to have to find time for the two of you to sit down. As Rid suggested....maybe write him a letter (nicely) and explain that you NEED him to find time to speak to you. Explain how you feel in a non-threatening way (keeping in mind that your goal is to get his attention, not to push him away). Come to an understanding...talk this over. It will not go away, and it will not get better. If you are having these feelings now...they are only going to get worse. Please talk to him if you love him and decide if you can continue to support his career.
Sadly, most marriages and relationships in this business DO NOT survive. It is against the odds. You have to want it to work and unfortunately, it does involve a lot of sacrifice on the other spouses part. And, it doesn't help much if your partner is in EMS also. In those situations, your spouse may understand what you do better, and may understand your feelings, but often you end up working different 24 hour shifts and you see each other even less than you did if you had different careers.
I wish you the best of luck. It's not an easy situation. I've lost many relationships because of what I do. However, my calling to do this work is what it is. I can't change how I feel. I'm hooked...and yeah...I'm lonely sometimes...but I'm happy and I love my job. Given another chance...I'd do it all over again and again.
Hang in there...
xoxoxo :wink:
Love, 8