Working 24 hour shifts with the opposite sex

[Just Plain Ruff]

I also did not go into my interview and say I'd do anything for the job.

I think that the OP didn't do that either.

If working in a remote site makes the OP uncomfortable there is nothing wrong with going to his bosses and saying that he in uncomfortable working with a female partner in the remote area. You have that right to ask that.

Unfortunately the bosses are going to come back and say that "this is the way the shifts fall" or "sorry, it's part of the job"

It sounds like the OP is doing the right thing by sleeping in a separate room.

There honestly should be separate sleeping quarters for women and men. The image of impropriety is always there and why continue to feed that image???

I have been in your shoes before, my wife and I enjoy good trust but when you are away from home for many hours and you are working with a partner of the opposite sex the other party simply cannot help but be concerned, even if there is nothing to be concerned about.

Continue to keep it completely platonic, sleep in separate rooms and keep your vows. If you are worried about your partner then you need to address that with your partner.

[itku2er]

For any relationship to make it you have to have trust. Reguardless of what the Job is.

Diazepam618 do you need an ativan?

[FireMedic65]

I have worked with females for over night and 24 hours shifts while I was involved with someone. She trusted me to be loyal and I always was. Believe it not, I am very professional at work. Any kind of hanky panky at work would lead to, and should lead to immediate dismissal from the job. YOU ARE WORKING! So unless your job is a prostitute or something, you shouldn't be considering these things. As with any relationship, you need to have trust. If there is none, then what kind of relationship do you really have? Always worried about where the other one is, what they are doing, who they are with. You see them talking to another person, and you get worried of who else they talk to and what they do when you aren't around. It leads to breakups!

Also, I am pretty sure you are supposed to have separate sleeping areas and bathrooms. One should not enter or use the others. At least in PA, it is a law.

[krumel]

Damm it....

What kind of relationship do you life in, jwraider? I don't think anyone should be "24/7" available for anyone, including his or her partner....

When I'm on work my cellphone usually is in silence mode (only dispatch and the chief of emergency might reach me than). Of course, if there's time, I'm going to call my gf sometimes...But certainly, this is nothing she can count on.. When I'm having a rough shift, of course there is no time for calling...

I believe in the creativity of people;)

No matter if there might be splitted sleep rooms or different building: If people want to have a hanky panky at work, there gonna have it. So we have only two choices:

Only hiring people who are professional enough to do so (and have spouses who know that) or let only men/men / female/female shifts work. (But what if someone's homosexual and the chief doesn't know? hell..we should create "assexual paramedics")

As said before by many others: If your spouse can't trust you enough to believe you, that you won't things like that..Well..Than you're relationship has a major problem.

(and btw: from my very small expierience as an psych student: most people who are accusing their partners in a way like that do that because if they were in their spouses position they would exactly do what they accuse their BF/GF with.)

[JakeEMTP]

I work with a female partner during a 24 hr shift and have for the last year. My wife has met her on numerous occasions. We work very well together and I would be disappointed if I had to change partners. In some respect, your wife is correct. Relationships are formed, but a Professional one only. We are a team. We have to work together and a certain amount of trust must be mutually earned. We eat together and do station duties together. On calls, I have to be able to trust my partner and vice versa, so in that sense we have a relationship. In that year, there has never been an accusation by either party, or rumour of inappropriate behavior or whatever. Men and Women working together is a fact of life in EMS.

This misconception that overnight shifts at the station are nothing more than one big orgy harken back to to the "Good Ole Days". Today, for the most part, we are professionals. We have a job to do. I would suggest that your wife meet your partner, get to know her as others have stated. Explain to your partner that your wife has some trust issues, and for the sake of your marriage and your sanity you feel it would be beneficial for the two of them to meet. Your partner in fact, may be offended. I think I would. I hope for your sake your wife can trust you a little better. It will make your life far less stressful.

[Jeepluv77]

Keep in mind, jwraider, that concern is not mistrust and that the issue may be more focused on not trusting your parter, not you. You wife may be concerned from a legal "is she going to try to sue him one day?" or from a marital "keep of my man" stand. Either way, it's likely to be more about the other woman than you. Just make sure your wife knows that you love her and only her and she'll adjust over time. Also, try to get her to meet your partner. Even though it rarely actually discourages the other woman if she does get any ideas, it still helps to put our minds at ease. And, unless you really want to be single or married to a wife that resents you, don't throw the fact that you are the bread winner in her face. That's a sure fire way to take the happiness out of your relationship. On the plus side, she would stop caring about the situation and may even start hoping the other woman will get you out of her hair.

[jwraider]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and experiences. I shared most of the same views you expressed before posting this and it's very helpful to let her know that the vast majority of us know how to handle this situation the right way.

[Dustdevil]

Wow you must be really enjoying that trust factor in your relationship!!! I often work with the opposite sex overnight and can honestly say my partner has never been in the least bit concerned.. Talk to your wife about having a little trust!

I suggest you tell your significant other until she makes 100k a year or something like that, that she get over it and let you do your job the best and fullest.

Blunt, but to the point. I have never done anything to earn distrust in any relationship, and I won't tolerate it. Once it's gone, it never comes back. And I won't spend the rest of my life living under that cloud.

This isn't about your commitment to your employer. This is about your wife's commitment to you. If she isn't standing fully behind you, and assuming you have given her no reason to not do so, then you've got a much bigger problem than a female partner, and even leaving EMS won't fix that problem.

[WolfmanHarris]

Blunt, but to the point. I have never done anything to earn distrust in any relationship, and I won't tolerate it. Once it's gone, it never comes back. And I won't spend the rest of my life living under that cloud.

This isn't about your commitment to your employer. This is about your wife's commitment to you. If she isn't standing fully behind you, and assuming you have given her no reason to not do so, then you've got a much bigger problem than a female partner, and even leaving EMS won't fix that problem.

Quoted for agreement.

My fiance's the jealous sort, but she knows she has to trust me. Step one to a stable relationship.

[mobey]

Hey, Buddy I hate to tell you, that in your interview you said you are willing to do anything for this position, and or something along those ambitious lines, so guess what this is anything. So I suggest you tell your significant other until she makes 100k a year or something like that, that she get over it and let you do your job the best and fullest.

best of luck

Way to put a price on your relationship.

Relationships are built on trust/communication, remind her that trust can only be built when you are put in the position to break that trust but choose not to.

I highly recommend avaiding the "get over it bi**h" attitude.

I would NEVER do anything for ANY service anywhere!!!!

I am a competent medic, and a dedicated employee..... employers are lucky to have me, I would never trade a harmonious relationship at home for a frickin JOB! Sheesh

Blunt, but to the point. I have never done anything to earn distrust in any relationship, and I won't tolerate it. Once it's gone, it never comes back. And I won't spend the rest of my life living under that cloud.

This isn't about your commitment to your employer. This is about your wife's commitment to you. If she isn't standing fully behind you, and assuming you have given her no reason to not do so, then you've got a much bigger problem than a female partner, and even leaving EMS won't fix that problem.

Dust is giving solid advice once again.

Ask your wife a few questions:

have I given you reason to not trust me?

Do you trust me?

Have you had your trust broken by a loved one before? if so... is that hanging over our relationship now?

realise this is a relationship problem.... not a work/career problem.