Worst joke ever?

[Upton4785]

Three guys sit down in a bar to enjoy a drink. One of them is a Frenchman, one an American, and the last is an Irishman. All three men ask the barkeep for a beer. The three men get their beer, and odd as it may seem, three flies that were buzzing overhead died in mid-air and landed in each of the men's beers.

The Frenchman is horribly disgusted by this and dumps the entire beer out.

The American takes a spoon and lifts the fly and some beer out of the glass, then drinks his beer.

The two men look to the Irishmen as he carefully grabs the fly by both wings, looks it straight in the eyes and yells, "Spit it out, you bastard!"

I have always loved this joke.

[scott33]

I was sitting having lunch with World Chess Champion Garry Casparov. Coincidentally, our table cloth had a black and white checker design...

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It took him half a fu**ing hour to pass me the salt.

(Bernard Manning, UK)

[Upton4785]

Now that I think of it, there's one that's been tossed around for a while that's just so stupid it's hilarious.

Two muffins were in the oven baking. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Boy it's hot in here, huh?", the other muffin looks at the first with a horrified expression and shouts, "Holy sh*t! A talking muffin!"

[Michael]

What did the zero say to the eight?

[spoil:36c6c07038]"Nice belt!"[/spoil:36c6c07038]

[firedoc5]

A plane while crossing the Atlantic had some kind of mechanical problem and they needed to lose weight. They throw out all the luggage and carry on's. That still wasn't enough. A Frenchman stood up and walked to the door. He yelled, "Viva La France" and jumped out. Well, a British man couldn't let a Frenchman out do him, so he went to the door and yelled, "God save the Queen", and jumped. In the back row was a 300 lbs. Texan. When he stood up all the passengers were relieved to loose that much weight. He starts walking to the door. On his way up he grabbed two Mexicans and carried them. When he got to the door he yelled, "Remember the Alamo", and threw them out.

[Amhet1]

Another bar joke.....

Two guys are sittin at the bar having drinks.

As the night went on, the conversation turned to sex. They get to braggin on about the size of their units. This goes on a few hours til closing time.

By this time they are pretty well wasted so they decide to walk home.

As they cross over a bridge, one turns to the other as says he needs to take a leak. The other concurs and start going about their business.

The first guy turns to the other and says "Damn, that waters cold".

The other responds, "Yea, its deep too!"

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Are gay jokes inappropriate here? A gay freind gave me these gems.....

How do you get 4 gays on a bar stool? Turn it over

Whats the most common pick up line in a gay bar? Can I push that stool in for ya.

How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they arent afraid of the dark.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender walks up and asks "Why the long face"?

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Three southern belles are sittin on the porch of their plantation house.

One turns to the others and says "I learned a few things while I was back east".

The others say "Do tell!" (all in best southern drawl)

"Well, back east they have men that date other men". Oh, do tell more, the others say.

"I think they are called homosexuals".

"I heard of women that love women there too". Tell us more, they say. "I think they are called lesbians", she says.

"And there are men there that will use their face and tongue "down there"." Fanning themselves more quickly now, our southern belles want to hear more about that!

"Yes girls, I dont know what they're called, I just called him DARLIN!!

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Two pengiuns are taking a bath in a toilet and one turns to the other and asks "Can you pass me the soap? The other penguin turns to him and says "What do you think I am, a typewriter?" (Sorry, son gave me that one.... I dont understand either)

[mrmeaner]

Two pengiuns are taking a bath in a toilet and one turns to the other and asks "Can you pass me the soap? The other penguin turns to him and says "What do you think I am, a typewriter?" (Sorry, son gave me that one.... I dont understand either)

Ha, I almost forgot about that one!

[ERDoc]

What did the fish say when he hit his head on a wall?

Dam.

[Michael]

dont understand either

There'd be a problem if you did. (Aren't you glad you asked? )

[firedoc5]

What is a tornado?

Mother Nature doing the twist.

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What were the people singing when the earthquake hit?

"All Shook Up"

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Why do fish swim in schools?

They can't walk into schools.

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