The face of the one I couldn't save

[DwayneEMTP]

I've been watching this post grow for a couple of days and have hesitated on commenting..We have gone from one girl's plea to the controversy of CISD...Don't know why things have to get so technical !!

Pretty simple really. Her plea included the misconception that CISD might have been a realistic option in helping her avoid this issue. This is a smart, rational lady, I expect she will be around for a while. If that proves to be true it's very important she knows what is, and is not, good for her mental health. Technical is good when it is research based.

Simple solution to CISD -- If by some odd chance any of you have a Mentor in this field ( an elder of sorts, someone who has been here for years, someone who has struggled thru the trials and errors of healing) A person of respect who's time in EMS came before our time of LABELS, SYNDROMES and the Multitude of Medicinal crutches which were created to keep us in the "RUT" >>> GO TO THEM..........There is no need to subject yourself to being drawn into an office by inexperienced college professionals or those who have no clue of what it is we need to express only to walk out feeling like you have been poked, prodded, analyzed, judged----Sheesh!!

It's paragraphs like this that make those 'technical' posts from Dr. Bledsoe and others like him so important. Not a fact to be found above, simply a sour attitude.

Addressing the original Post from SHira____ ( My opinion only) The problems you are having now are " Self-Inflicted self pity"

-If you chose to hang on to it, you will

-Go back to your training__Read up on Respiratory arrest in Infants..You did all you could do!! Plain and simple..

-Put the facts together, rationalize it in your head, deal with it in your heart, and move past it.

- Get over it and TOUGHEN UP because I assure you that you will see worse, deal with worse and not every call will be successful.

If you read her post I believe you would have seen she asked specifically for people to withhold this type of advice. She seemed to want steps that she might take to resolve this issue and prepare her for issues like them in the future. "Get over it and toughen up" is redneck wisdom, not advice helpful to managing a person's mental health for a lifetime. Besides, nothing in any of her posts suggests she's not already tough, smart and confident. She just didn't know how to pull this one out of the ditch. Nothing wrong with that. Perhaps in the future you can give it a little more thought before attempting to criticize valid advice by comparing it to nonsense.

Shira, I don't have any stories like yours to offer advice from. I know you'll listen to what helps you and apply it. I didn't mean to hijack your thread, I'm just sort of playing hall monitor... :wink: Good luck girl, keep your chin up...others here will point you in the right direction!

(Pulling my pants back up to my chest, adjusting my clipboard, and going off in search of other malcontents....)

Dwayne

[bbledsoe]

In an overly technical post I pointed out the problems with CISM. EMS is about humanity and its problems. True, people die and often times we cannot control that. It is OK to grieve and OK to feel bad. We have this ill-conceived notion in this country that we have to feel good all the time. That is far from true. You have to look at the overall scheme of things. Infants and children in the United States and Canada have the best chances in the world to live to adulthood. There are some that will not. In some of these cases, EMS can make a difference. In most, it will not. Despite millions of dollars of research, we still don't know much about SIDS. In over 30 years in this business I can never recall resuscitating a SIDS baby.

1. It is OK to feel guilt--all of us do.

2. It is OK to be sad.

3. It is OK to cry.

4. It is OK to keep your emotions to your self.

5. Just don't let the guilt consume you. Use your personal support system (i.e., spouse, significant other, priest, minister, rabbi, parent, pet, best friend).

6. Learn from each experience and move on.

People are overly concerned about PTSD. People who develop PTSD have underlying psychiatric issues--it is not a normal response to stress. It is quite rare.

If you are a good EMT, as the poster apparently is, she is suffering a normal reaction to a bad call. The best treatment is tincture of time.

[EMT*Sweet]

Ok I apoligize if I sounded to harsh. I apparently did not convey the meaning of what I was trying to say in a "nice" or "thorough" way. I may not be the most soothing but I am one of the most empathetic.

Yes, it is ok to cry, to feel and to apply ALL of what Dr. Bledsoe stated in the above posts. We all do this but after a year it is consumption and self blame. This is destructive both mentally and physically.

If my statement of "collecting facts, rationalizing, dealing with, forgiving and moving past" is a sour attitude then tell me what isnt. I agree that "Technical is good when it is research based but it is better when it is applied correctly afterward. This is where the snag is...

Yes, Dwayne she wanted the steps to take to resolve this. Read what I said above. I gave advice in a personal way not a professional way. We all have to learn our own way of dealing with things that are happening now and be prepared for what is to come. I was speaking from an experience just like hers and one of these days you may run across the same thing.

The words "Get over it and Toughen up" is simply a generic way of saying the above. It is no way was to criticize or question the strength she possesses now.

One last thing-- I dont criticize valid advice and you shouldnt comment on it unless you have actually performed the task at hand.

[shira_emt]

I want to thank you all again for replying to my post. After speaking with my best friend of 10 years, who is also an EMT, I've figured a few things out. I guess it boils down to the fact that I lost my first son back in September of 2002. He was a stillborn at 24 weeks. I will never get over losing him. After talking to my friend for over 2 hours, I realized that after that run, those feelings that I never showed at my son's funeral all came flooding back. All this time I thought it was because I lost a patient. It was, but more so than not, it was because I had lost my son. I didn't post that in my blog because I didn't think it was related to my problem. When now I realize it is. I had surpressed those feelings for over 3 years until that day. I understood what the mother was going through losing her own child. Since posting this I have come to terms with that. Amazing enough 4 years after his birth, I am just now truly starting to grieve for him.

When the ER doc pronounced her dead, it was if I had lost my own child again. In my mind I could save him (his cause of death is still unknown) only if given the chance. However, I wasn't, I couldn't even if I tried and that's life. I was given the chance to save a little girl that day and I didn't. HOWEVER, I now realize that I did EVERYTHING I could possible do for her. I wasn't just grieving over her, I was grieving over my son.

Weird though, it took complete strangers and one very special friend to make be realize that. From bottom of my heart THANK YOU!!!!

And yes I am a very strong person. If my son's death did anything to me, it was make me strong. There is no greater pain like losing your child.

I'm sorry for putting you guys through this post and not telling you everything. But like I said before I didn't realize that was the issue until after I posted it. Again, Thank You.

[Michael]

shira, it sounds like we can use you around here, and your friend too.

[mediccjh]

In an overly technical post I pointed out the problems with CISM. EMS is about humanity and its problems. True, people die and often times we cannot control that. It is OK to grieve and OK to feel bad. We have this ill-conceived notion in this country that we have to feel good all the time. That is far from true. You have to look at the overall scheme of things. Infants and children in the United States and Canada have the best chances in the world to live to adulthood. There are some that will not. In some of these cases, EMS can make a difference. In most, it will not. Despite millions of dollars of research, we still don't know much about SIDS. In over 30 years in this business I can never recall resuscitating a SIDS baby.

1. It is OK to feel guilt--all of us do.

2. It is OK to be sad.

3. It is OK to cry.

4. It is OK to keep your emotions to your self.

5. Just don't let the guilt consume you. Use your personal support system (i.e., spouse, significant other, priest, minister, rabbi, parent, pet, best friend).

6. Learn from each experience and move on.

People are overly concerned about PTSD. People who develop PTSD have underlying psychiatric issues--it is not a normal response to stress. It is quite rare.

If you are a good EMT, as the poster apparently is, she is suffering a normal reaction to a bad call. The best treatment is tincture of time.

Dr. Bledsoe, you couldn't be anymore correct.

Time heals all wounds.

[WannaBEMT]

Hey hon-

Wanted to tell you how sorry I am, I am new to this field so I cannot comment on the other issues. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, although never forgtten, the pain does ease a bit with time, I can attest to that!

((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))

Jenn