hatelilpeepees Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 I wondered why this topic was locked yesterday ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaisu Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 In regards to cheating, especially "serial" cheating, it is almost invariably a distraction from the real issues. By that I mean, problems with your marriage and problems with yourself. The amazing thing about being in a marriage is that sooner or later, all the weaknesses in your own personal character are exposed; whether these are issues of self esteem, dishonorable ways of dealing with others, addiction issues, etc. etc. As we all struggle with these issues, we use a myriad of methods to avoid exposing ourselves in those dark secret places where we are the most vulnerable. People fight tooth and nail over the placement of the furniture, whats for dinner and other seemingly insignificant issues that are representative of the deeper issues between the couple. As a serial monogamist, ;-}, I have learned that the personal and relationship problems of one marriage tend to follow me into the next. The excitement, ego stroking and initial gratification of an affair are a great way to avoid dealing with what needs to be dealt with. At the conclusion of the affair, and there always is a conclusion, you are left with the same shit you were avoiding in the first place, as well as the inevitable and complex fallout of the affair. Pretty stupid I think. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DwayneEMTP Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 It just occurs to me that this might be be a good place to define cheating? That popped into my head, not sure why.... How do you define cheating in this context hatelittlepeepees? What line is acceptable before you consider that you've been cheated on? Sexting? Phone sex? kissing? Petting? Oral? Intercourse? Where is your line...it's possible that, depending on that definition, more of us may have cheated than any of us realize... :-) Of course this question is open to all, and should anyone feel that it's a hijack instead of a continuation I'm certainly happy to have it ignored. Dwayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaisu Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Easy... cheating is anything you don't want your spouse or mother to find out about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DwayneEMTP Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Hell, when you involve my mother, then there's several positions, some language, locations and possibly attachments that Babs and I have been cheating in for a really long time... We must be baaaaaaad people! :-) Dwayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaisu Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 We must be baaaaaaad people! :-) quitcher braggin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hatelilpeepees Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 Good points crap and dwayne. To crap: one point i can speak to that you described as at the end of the affair you find the same outcome. Someone wise showed me that we are attracted to the same person over and over again, they are just in a different skin suit. For instance, if you and I walk into a bar and there are a 100 men in there, we will be attracted to maybe 3 of them right off the bat, the other 97 not so much. Those 3 guys, no matter what skin color (crotchity), physical appearance, or income level, are the same 3 guys we have dated all of our lives, they just have on a different skin suit, as we are all attracted to SOMETHING (different for all). I am not sure it works the same for men, as they will "do" any of the 100 usually. Dwayne, I think your question has a variable answer. My answer would be, would your action "hurt" your spouse/partner/person you are dating ? If so then it is cheating. I say variable, as I may be hurt that you even texted another woman behind my back, for crapmagnet it may be that something physical has to occur. For another woman, she may allow you to cheat as long as she knows about it, or can share in the experience. If you have been with your partner any length of time, you should know where that boundary line is. So crapmagnet, I ask you this. I understand why most men cheat, because the small head overrules the larger head. But why do women cheat with men ? Is it a lack of self-respect, daddy issues, what ? I can not imagine going to a hotel room with a married guy for any reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vorenus Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 So crapmagnet, I ask you this. I understand why most men cheat, because the small head overrules the larger head. But why do women cheat with men ? Is it a lack of self-respect, daddy issues, what ? I can not imagine going to a hotel room with a married guy for any reason. I think I read somewhere that even more woman cheat than men? Why? My guess: Mostly out of the same reasons as men do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard B the EMT Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I wondered why this topic was locked yesterday ?Interesting. If this was locked, how could you have posted, or me respond to your post? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DFIB Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Dwayne, I may be way off base on this but when we marry we agree to a certain code of conduct. This code of conduct is set by our family morays, religion, ethics and the general societal consensus of our region. I'm sure there are more but you can see where I am going. Cheating in a marital sense to me would be defrauding my spouse by giving any other person something that I have promised only to my bride. This would include emotional or sentimental non physical interactions as well. Phone sex, and telling another person you will give them emotions you promised to your spouse would constitute cheating for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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