Jump to content

Lets get this party started! Post something here so we know you're alive!


spenac

Recommended Posts

Island, on a more serious note, a former girlfriend, then living on a Kibbutz in Israel in 1973, was walking with her fiancée in, I think, Tel Aviv, when the two of them were assaulted by a Palestinian with a knife. The Palestinian stabbed her fiancée through the heart, killing him probably instantly, then tried to attack her.
Big Mistake.

She was a Black Belt in Karate. She managed to not only take the knife from the Palestinian, but killed him with his own knife!

(Side note- She's divorced now twice, and currently in her third marriage.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

happy valentines day:::

New Panties

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to
spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short
skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband sipping a glass of wine.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs wide enough that her husband asks,
"Are you wearing crotchless redx.gif panties?"
"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.


"Thank God he said - I thought you were sitting on the cat."

scared.gif



eek.gif He never saw the glass coming
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Therapist

The Special Therapist
An Arizona couple, both well into their 80′s, go to a sex therapist’s office.

The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?’

The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?’

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.’

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leaves.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, ‘I’m sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?’

The man says, ‘We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married; so we can’t go to her house. I’m married; and we can’t go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $98.

The Hilton charges $139.

We do it here for $50, and best of all….

Medicare pays $43 of it.’
Link to comment
Share on other sites

some where in the neighborhood of 96 inches so far this month. snowing again tonight, not supposed to be more than 8-10 " by tomorrow evening.

Been digging and snowblowing and roof raking for the past three weeks almost non stop.

It actually got above 20 degrees today for the first time in February.

YEA

Spring has to be coming :-}

although it may take until May for the snow mountains to melt

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We normally get between 60 - 110 inches per winter. This year we had a couple small storms in December , January was almost balmy until the 25th. It hasn't stopped snowing since.

We surrender

they made a big deal of getting footage of the red sox loading their equipment trucks in the blizzard 10 days ago for the trip south to Florida.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Performing Community Service

One day a florist went to a for a haircut. After the cut, he

asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money

from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a

'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for

him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill

, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing

community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank

you ' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his

bill , the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm

doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and

left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there

were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between

the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

shit-hits-the-fan.gif

BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON

!deadhorse.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

smily_ROTFL.gif Ole Goes Goose Hunting

He leaned the old 16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak.

As luck would have it, his foolish dog Dawson knocked the gun over, it went

off and Ole took most of an ounce of #4 in the groin. eek.gif Several hours later,

lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was his doctor, Dr.

Sven.

"Vell, Ole, I got some good news and some bad news. Da good news is dat you

are going to be OK. Da damage vas local to your groin, dere was very little

internal damage, and I vas able to remove all of DA buckshot."

"What's the bad news?" asks Ole.

"The bad news is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to

your pecker.scared.gif I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena."

"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Ole. "Is your sister a plastic

surgeon?"

"Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony

Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you

vhere to put your fingers, so you don't pee in your eye."smily_ROTFL.gif

quote.gif
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...