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spenac

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  • 4 months later...

I'm still alive. Actually, I just got fired, so maybe I'll come around more often. It's winter, so this can be my hobby. Otherwise, I'm just mopey and depressed.

Oh yeah.

Slow. Quiet. You read it, you're jinxed. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA


That was my 3,601st post.

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Holy cow! Hi, everybody! How's kicks?

Chief, shoot me a PM if you need to chitchat...

And we just had a staff emergency code (I'm on the response team now), thanks, Mr. "neener neener here's the Q word..."

Wendy
CO EMT

RN-ADN

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I just got a kitten. I should get another, and name them slow and quiet.

I think Karma is broken, b/c nothing happened on this end. I could go for some trauma, and not the scratch my hand from "cat's" claws. I call him cat. I should probably get some bandaids and iodine.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I wear leather gloves when I play with my cats anymore. My hands and wrists used to be so scratched up my mom actually told me I looked self-destructive.

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Subject: Fwd: The golf lesson in medical school

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.

This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably golfing with his buddies.’

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

shrug.gif

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Ole's Dilema

Ole had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Ole.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.

Ole responded, "Vell, I'll tell you vat happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule,

Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question.

Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Ole said, "Vell, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Ole's answer and said to the lawyer,

"I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".

Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Vell as I vas saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and vas driving her down the highway ven this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I vas thrown into one ditch and Bessie vas thrown into the other. I vas hurting, real bad and didn't vant to move.

However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he vent over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, "How are you feeling?"

"Now vat the HELL vould you say?"

:turned::turned::turned:

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  • 2 weeks later...

icon1.gifThoughts about getting older
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!

I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!

Old age is coming at a really bad time!

When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!

The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.

My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance for idiots that needs work.

Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.

The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".

I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second month.

When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"?

I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my wife took it!

Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree ... that makes it a plant which means ... chocolate is Salad !!!

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