An Introspective During Tribulation

[uglyEMT]

Hey folks. Im not a blog fan so I'll post it here. I think it may help others as well. If it doesnt then I appologize for wasting your time. If it does help your welcome

Yesterday as I sat sitting on a bench across the street from Mt Sini Hospital waiting on word of my father going through heart surgery upstairs I began to think alot. I watched people going in and out, EMTs and Medics running back and forth to calls, I watched rigs pull in and out all the while thinking of who was in the back and why. Folks just going about their daily lives, some interupted.

I began thinking of me as an EMT. What have I done, what have I offered, what have I given back. I began to run through calls in my head, the good ones, the bad ones, the fustrating ones, all of them I could remember. I came to realize that an EMT is who I am, not just on duty but off duty as well. Now I am not saying I have to run to every slip and fall or pull over for every accident I see. I mean I am an EMT all the time, the liscense does not take a day off or have off hours. My actions can have a bearing on my liscense be them good or bad. Then I began thinking deeper...

Am I the EMT that does all I can for my patient? Am I the EMT that looks at every call as the BS call of the day? I think I am the prior. I try to do everything I can within my protocols to do the best I can for my patients. I dont want to be lack luster, I dont want to be "that guy".

I came across this article back when I need some inspiration and now I use it all the time. "The Question" is what I belive is good for everyone in our profession, be them volunteers or paid or Bs or Ps. I think its good to know.

As I sat there and watched I smiled at the new parents that appeared to be going home for the first time. I sighed at the old couple going in with one looking very fraile and the worry in the others eye. I got anxious looking at my watch and knowing Dad has been upstairs 2 hours already and I still haven't heard anything. I watched EMTs going in and out laughing, joking. Some looked bored, others exausted. But most looked confident. They had an aire about them. People on the street stepped a little around them, some nodding some smiling. But everyone appearing that at that moment the EMT was incharge of that area. It gave me perspective. I looked at what folks appaently see in us all the time but from the voyers spot. Outside of the situation without anyones knowledge so the dynamic has true, real, actual. It made me comprehend our role in peoples lives.

Ugg I see this is rambling along and might not be coherent and I am sorry, I just need to get this out.

I guess what I am trying to say is I see our place. What we do. Im not talking interventions or protocols. I am talking about what we do to peoples lives by being there, just being there. Then it happened to me, I became the patient of sorts. As I sat there an EMT came over to smoke a cig. I guess she noticed some worry on my face or the way I smoked mine. She asked the most basic of questions, "Nervous?" and I replied in typical well duh reaction. "Yea, Dad, heart surgery." (pointing up to the building) But without any distain for my short response she politely said, "Dont worry, there good in there." with that flicked her smoke to the ground and hustled across the street as her partner waved her to the rig, call I figured. That was it, that brief moment. I simple 3 lines of dialog and I felt better. Her words gave me comfort, just enough to take the edge off. THAT is what we do, we can comfort in an instant just by being there.

Whoever you were I thank you. You made this worried son's day with the comfort you gave.

After that I finished my umtenith smoke in a row and went up stairs. After 3 hours of operation Dad was wheeled out to a relieved Son and Wife A little exhausted but better. With us a little longer :)

I am going to end this here but may continue later on when I think of things or respond to your comments, if any, and I hope you enjoy what I think I have found out about us as EMTs.

[tcripp]

You just decribed the reason I got in to this business. I recognize that when I am on duty and in uniform, I walk a little taller...a little more confident in my abilities.

I don't think that I save lives, but I sure like knowing that I can be with the patient (or family member) when God decides that patient's fate through my actions and abilities.

I attended a call the other day. Without going in to any detail for HIPAA reason, know that I think I was of more help to the wife than I was the patient...even though I'm not certain he really needed my services that day. I'm not afraid of hugs...in the waiting room...after I've delieverd my patient for definitive care.

Thanks for your words...and I'm glad Dad is doing well.

[uglyEMT]

Thank you tcripp, yes Dad is doing well now :)

I know what you mean, I will be putting my uniform on tonight at the start of my shift and when i do I think it will mean a little more to me. When I do wear the uniform I do feel confident, I do walk a little taller.

I have been a shoulder numerous times. I have been there at the end more then I would like. But through it all it was the comfort I gave that was the best medicine at that particular time.

A while back I remember someone asking me if I was a hero. I responded quickly with an emphatic NO. I am not a hero, I am a person trained to help thats all. Then the person said I was wrong. I asked why he thought I was and got this as a response....

"You are a hero to me, you came at the bad time and helped me. Thats a hero."

I never thought of it that way but I guess in that way we are. SSince then I realize that they called 911 for a reason, it might not seem to me to be a valid reason but in the end its their reason and it means it is at that moment their last resort. They utilized everything they could muster themselves and came up wanting so they call us.

I dont let it get to my head though. I use it to help me through those days when I just want to be home, or with my family, or sleeping, or eating. It gets me through the bad calls, the BS calls. Makes me realize why I am an EMT.

I guess the emotional side is coming out of me now because of my father and all the stuff I have bottled up inside. I just need to get it out and this is what it manifested as.

I am glad for this place being here and allowing me to release what I need to.

Thanks Gang

[tcripp]

A while back I remember someone asking me if I was a hero. I responded quickly with an emphatic NO. I am not a hero, I am a person trained to help thats all. Then the person said I was wrong. I asked why he thought I was and got this as a response....

Before I read the next line in your post, I yelled out "But you ARE a hero...in someone's eyes!" I'm glad someone set you straight.

During EMS week, St. David's hospital here in Austin put up a banner that reads, "Not all heros wear an S on their chest."

[HERBIE1]

Ug- glad to hear your dad is doing better. I hope his recovery is uneventful.

I don;t know how long you've been doing this, but I think most of us go through stages in this profession. At first, we're full of juice and ready to save the world. We think our worth as a provider is linked to how quickly we get an IV or intubation, how nice our bandages look, and how quickly we can assess a cardiac rhythm. After awhile, we realize far too many of our calls are not exactly a challenge to our skills and training. Soon we realize that a kind word to a wife or family member, an unsolicited expression of concern can be even more valuable. As you noted, a simple "How are you doing?" might be EXACT:Y what someone needs- not the benefits of our training. Does it make easier to deal with abusers of the system- not always. Some days are easier to handle than others. Such is the way of the business.

I found that over the years, if we make multiple trips to the same ER, we can essentially follow up with prior patients we have brought in. Were my suspicions about the patient's problem correct? Did we miss something? I ask the patient or family member questions like- how are they doing? What did they find? What tests have they had done so far? Are they being admitted?

The family is ALWAYS genuinely glad that someone cares enough to ask about the patient. They usually make a comment about how busy we are- ("Are you back already?") even if we aren't. I get as much satisfaction from that as I do being able to shock someone's heart back to life. There's a connection there you cannot replace.

Nothing like dealing with our own- or a loved one's- mortality to make us introspective, eh? Been doing it myself lately, but no big revelations for me so far.

Again- good luck with your dad.

Edited August 4, 2010 by HERBIE1

[Richard B the EMT]

I have had numerous experiences where, on bringing in another patient to the ER before a previous one had been admitted "upstairs", or when off duty and around the neighborhood, family and friends of patients approach and thank me for what I did for their family member or friend. Due to being an EMT for 37 years, I have to tell some of them I don't recall the specific call. Yet, when it is one I DO recall, it isn't a spectacular call, but mostly the ones where the patient was simply treated with respect, or simply that I held the patient's hand.

Continuing better health for your dad, UG.

[Herbie]

I have had numerous experiences where, on bringing in another patient to the ER before a previous one had been admitted "upstairs", or when off duty and around the neighborhood, family and friends of patients approach and thank me for what I did for their family member or friend. Due to being an EMT for 37 years, I have to tell some of them I don't recall the specific call. Yet, when it is one I DO recall, it isn't a spectacular call, but mostly the ones where the patient was simply treated with respect, or simply that I held the patient's hand.

Continuing better health for your dad, UG.

Richard-

I tell my students the same thing about treating the patient and family with respect. Like I said before, when we are new to the business, it's all about procedures, skills, practice, getting a "good" call, but I constantly remind them the things people remember are simple human kindness.

I also tell them that the family will remember what you did long after you have forgotten the call. What's routine for us may be a life changing incident for them.

[speedygodzilla]

It is not what we do but how we do it. Thanks for the reminder. I enjoyed reading your post and the the question link. Treat your patients with respect, and give them the best care you can. Hope your dad's recovery continues to go well.

[Jeepluv77]

Thank you for sharing this, Ug. When I was a kid I noticed my dad always smiled, nodded, or waved to everyone he could anywhere which was odd because of how my dad is. I asked him one day why. He told me that you never know when that gesture might change someone's life. As I've gotten older I've often remembered that and thought deeper into it. It's a large part of what made me decide to pursue EMS as a career. It nice to know what others understand the value of simply reaching out to make a connection with another human being. As you've related, a general kindness that doesn't take long to deliver really can help another get through difficult times. I'm so glad that your dad is doing well!

[uglyEMT]

Thanks folks for the kind well wishes

Dad is doing OK, got rushed back into the cath lab yesterday (right after posting this thread) had an arterial disection according to the cardiologist. BP at the time hit 68/43!!!! He is back in recovery as of this AM and again seems well (dont want to jinx it now).

I understand what you are all saying. I haven't been in the field nearly long enough to understand much. Just over a year. Im so wet behind the ears I need a towel. One thing I have though is experience. I have been around too much tragedy too mention. One of the main reasons I became an EMT, I finally wanted to "get it". I wanted to be on the rig instead of in the rig. BTW remember to clean the celings, alot of rigs are dirty up there LOL

Im a little off this morning due to lack of sleep so Im going to keep this short today. Thanks again for the well wishes, my Dad appreciates them, and its working so keep it up

Thanks everyone.

BTW I realized something I missed its Mount Sinai Hospital LOL I forgot the A.

Edited August 5, 2010 by UGLyEMT