Eydawn Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by death sometimes? I don't mean in the "I'm going to end it" type manner... but just dealing with death like we do in EMS. I guess it's just been difficult to process lately with having my first pediatric code and then a coworker passing away within a few days of one another. She was so beautiful and tiny... only 11 months (and still only a pink on the Broselow) and he was so full of life and humor and genuine kindness... I'm just kind of at a loss, really. It's not that I'm not dealing with it... I'm processing OK I think... just don't want to sit down and really think about all of it (avoidance?) I just wish I were stronger. --Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itku2er Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Wendy I do not see this as a weakness it just shows you are human. We all have a hard time after our first ped code it's part of the job that sucks the most. Chin up girl you will be just fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CBEMT Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I hear ya. I've been to two wakes just this week. Sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fallout Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I have been there. It happens to us all. I still remember my first pediatric DOS and it has been over a year since the day. And yes, death does overwhelm me. I DOSed my neighbor and literally moved from the apartment because of it. My personal coping technique is to run a strenuous workout. The memories all flood back but in some weird way they motivate me to push my hardest and at the end I seem to be at peace with it all. You are not alone in it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christopher.Collins Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I havnt lost a ped yet but have run some tough ped calls. In terms of losing a friend/coworker, I still get upset over it and this was around 2005 when it happened. If I can get the finances straight Im planning on participating in the EMS memorial bike ride, and with his parents permission, in his name. I find bike, as in bicycle, riding to be a great stress reliefe. Unlike a car or motorcycle your in full controll of what happens (untill your chain derails or your tire pops) and you get great exercise. You dont have to be in shape to do it either, not saying you arnt though just that its pretty easy. If you dont have a bike, go to WalMart, they have some really decent adult bikes for under $100 and just ride untill you cant anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaisu Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 My very first PNB was 3 1/2 months old. I took a great deal of comfort in knowing that everything that could have been done for the child was done and done right. I don't believe anyone of us deals with the loss of a pediatric patient easily. If you had not been affected, there would be something seriously wrong with you. You are not having a moment of weakness. You are responding in a normal way to the event. It is very common to have images, dreams, thoughts, etc. coming back to you. It is also common to have an "avoidance reaction" whereby you avoid things that remind you of the incident. After my first autopsies, I did not want to watch Dr. G medical examiner for example. Our western society does not have effective cultural ways of dealing with death. The vast majority of people get a ritualized, antiseptic experience. Those of us in EMS see it in all it's dirty, messy detail. I have some specific strategies for dealing with it. First and foremost, I take care of myself. I use the HALT mnemonic. I ask myself if I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Often, if I am having difficulty, I will answer in the affirmative to at least one and usually more of these. I take care of hunger by eating, anger with physical exercise, loneliness by reaching out to loved ones and tiredness by resting. This effectively deals with 90% of the situation. I do know that if I don't take care of these things first, nothing else will be effective in coping. I also rely on the triad of physical, emotional and spiritual. Take care of the body, the mind and the spirit. The foregoing notwithstanding, I will never forget that little baby, but I can think of him now with acceptance and peace. Good luck to you. I hope you are feeling better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eydawn Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 I like the HALT idea... thanks, Kaisu. I guess what's really getting me is not so much the pediatric call anymore... but the loss of my coworker. I have so many conflicting emotions... sadness, guilt (because I didn't even know him for that long!), anger (not at God... but not necessarily NOT at God either), a sense of just kind of lostness. That on top of still remembering the peds call is what is getting me. It was so sudden. One night I was telling him to have a safe shift and getting teased because I didn't remember his name as he came to relieve us of duty, two days later I was getting pages about his passing. He was only 30. Thanks for all the input folks... I really appreciate it. Wendy CO EMT-B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firedoc5 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 There for a while we had a rash of peds arrest/SIDS calls. By the time we had our third in five days it was wearing on us all. When I got off duty I went to the house of my god-daughter's grandparents which I did on a regular basis. No one was home at first so I just sat and watched TV. When they got home I met them at the car and took Alyson who was about 5 months old at the time. At first I didn't think anything about it. But as soon as I got my arms wrapped around her I started to lose it. Before that I never dreamed it would effect me like that so quickly. I wasn't dwelling on the arrest calls, at least not consciously. Even though those three calls were by far not my first, they were something that stood out. But now I look back and think that was the best therapy, at least for me. I'm not saying to go find a baby to hold and snuggle, but that little girl was a big help. Now she will be 24 this year, and in college. But to me she'll always be a comfort. There's no need whatsoever for an apology. It's not a weakness, it's a strength. :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crotchitymedic1986 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 As stated in a similar post, the day pediatric death no longer bothers you, is the day you should get out of EMS. It will get better, hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spenac Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 It's not weakness its called being human. I mean the way you provide so much valuable information we think of you as a computer , but this just proves you actually are human. Sorry that you had to deal with this and sorry that it will not be the last. We all carry a few of these with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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