paramedicmike

I saw this on another site I frequent. It's too good not to share. If you have a weak constitution or are easily offended by natural processes of the body, stop reading now. Enjoy! All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order for my wife. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way backto the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 0 through 4 (I write a lot of software) for your convenience: 0.Occupied. 1.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one. 2.Poo on seat. 3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat. 4.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet. Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful ****ter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot. I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. ****ter was blathering to Mrs. ****ter about the ****ty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier. Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently. Once my *** cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence. "Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??" Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride. Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching. Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet. There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final anal announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth. As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know. I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.

Perhaps you should make this more than just a dollars and cents argument. While not unimportant, efficacy and benefits are what's going to matter. There's plenty of research out there supporting the use of Fentanyl. Start gathering that and you can start preparing your comprehensive literature review presentation on the benefit of one over the other or even... <gasp>... carrying both! Then, once you have your presentation on the evidence based medicine supporting the use of both medications, you can throw in the dollars and cents argument. Be sure to include the potential medical-legal argument as well. "Appropriate patient care" and "medico-legal issues" are always key buzzwords to grab people's attention. Good luck. Let us know how you do.

If you're honestly interested in critical care transport you'll do better as a nurse than you will as a medic... especially if you decide to move around a bit before settling down. In order to reach that point, however, you'll probably have to do some floor time in the ICU. Supplementing your hospital based RN employment with an occasional EMS shift wouldn't be a bad thing to do. Maintaining both an RN license and paramedic certification can also improve your marketability in a variety of settings. If you go the RN route, an EMS degree isn't going to do much for you in terms of dealing with a hospital. It may help from an EMS/CC standpoint, though. But for what you've outlined, a BSN will trump an EMS degree any day. (For now, anyway. Let's keep working to change that!!!) That being said, if you really want to make a difference don't give up on PA or med school. In fact, don't give up on working on preparing yourself for them now. By the time you finish the degree requirements and pre-requisites for either school you'll have several years as a medic under your belt. You will then be set with EMS experience and a solid educational foundation for either program. Upon completion of the program of your choice, you'll be set for a real leadership position in EMS with the opportunity to advocate for some major changes to EMS nationwide. I don't really think an EMS degree is going to do much for you outside of EMS. A nursing degree will do more for you as the roles available to RNs are much greater than available roles for medics. An undergraduate science degree followed with MD or DO after your name will do a lot more for you. You have obviously given this a lot of thought. You have asked some good questions and you have several very good options available to you. It seems pretty clear that whatever you choose to do will result in some pretty amazing things. For whatever this mindless drivel is worth, I hope it helps. Good luck!

If one person makes a comment then the interaction can easily be written off as little more than interpersonal disagreement. If more than one person makes the comment then it becomes clear that there really is a problem. Too funny! I was thinking the same thing. Unfortunately, you posted before I had a chance to. I guess this makes me one of those who jump on the bandwagon, eh?

Well, the Marine who sits next to me and the Navy Corpsman who sits on the other side of me and just spent the past 7 years with the Marines both have no idea where you're coming up with "core". You're right. The internet is a shady place where people, in the short term, can pretend to be things they aren't. Given enough time, however, they give themselves away. That being said, I still know of no Marine who couldn't properly spell the full name of their service branch. Nor do I know any Marine who would dare spell it incorrectly. They consider it to be a demonstrated lack of respect to both the Corps itself and their brothers and sisters who call themselves Marines. They may joke about a lot of things. But replacing "Corps" with "core" and being blatantly disrespectful isn't one of those things they'll joke about. Just because Google says something doesn't make it so. Besides, when I googled "Marine Core" the first thing google said to me was, "Did you mean 'Marine CORPS'?" So even Google knows it's wrong. Anyway, you said you had buddies who were paramedics. Why not ask them? What did they tell you?

And lumping people into a group based simply on the colour of their skin is racist. Hello Pot? I'd like to introduce you to Kettle.

I call shenanigans. There is not a single US Marine in the entire world who would misspell this. Even the most illiterate Marines I've ever known and worked with knew how to properly spell the full name of their service branch. Even if they can't spell anything else correctly, they know full well how to spell United States Marine Corps.

On the contrary. You were treated with the same suspicion that others who've come here with the very same request as yours were treated. If you think you've encountered malice or unkind treatment you are sorely mistaken. It seems that if you were a true author on a real quest for information you would have at least done some basic homework about EMS and its structure before asking for the information you requested. Failure on even the most basic level is enough to raise an eyebrow. Please understand that so far you are an author without a name and without even a publication to your credit that can be used as verification to your identity. People have come here under the same guise as you requesting information for a book only to turn around and admit they're looking to steal stories. Worse than that, people have attempted to gain information in an attempt to sue the very EMS providers who provided assistance to them. Try to look at it from our perspective. You know who you are. We don't. While I can't speak for others, although judging by some of the responses so far I don't think I'm too far off base, you've given us no reason to believe you are who you say you are. So please, if you're serious, do your homework before asking questions. Be honest and up front with who you are. Simple things like your name and an email address readily available to those from whom you're requesting help is a bonus. It also lends to your credibility. Besides, if you're honestly looking for an advisor, I highly doubt you could pay any of us what we're worth.

Perhaps. But as Croaker noted the OP didn't bother to provide a valid or functioning email address. That's enough to raise the index of suspicion right there. If this were a legitimate inquiry, a full name and email address would have been published in the original post. We get enough people in here looking for information to be used for nefarious purposes. Based on what's presented so far there is little reason to believe this individual is for real. Skepticism, in this case, is quite appropriate.

*EVERY* therapy and treatment? Tell me, did you continue to work out and aggravate the injury while trying *EVERY* therapy and treatment out there? Were you running in the right shoes? Are you still wearing those shoes? Strassburg sock at night? Plantar fasciitis takes a long time to heal. It's usually several months worth of RICE therapy combined with PT, NSAID use and just plain avoiding anything that would aggravate it. That being said: Yes. Sometimes. And what's with people putting spaces between the last word in a question and the question mark? I've noticed several people doing this recently.

Hello. EMT-Basic can be completed in as little as two weeks by way of an accelerated course. While it's not really rocket science, it isn't really something that should be covered in two weeks. Could someone with no medical background successfully complete an accelerated EMT-B course? Absolutely. It happens all the time. Your second question requires a bit of a blunt answer. EMT-Bs are a dime a dozen. In most places, and from my limited experience with Maine that counts as part of "most places", all you need is a card and a pulse. Your past work history may make you a little more attractive to those doing the hiring. But you can still be replaced on a whim and without a second thought. The starting salary you mention is entirely dependent on the local economy. Just keep in mind, however, that most starting salaries for EMT-Bs don't ever increase with time on the job. So be ready to still be earning $12/hr after a couple years there. Also, $12/hr isn't a lot of money. Especially if you're trying to survive on that amount. If you stay in school it might be good for beer money. But it won't be much if you're looking to make EMS a career. Some alternatives you may want to consider include finishing your computer science degree. Boring though it may be you'll do much better with an IT job than you ever will with an EMS job. That income can pay for the excitement you're not getting in a server room. Or you can take the EMT-B class and roll into a paramedic class. You still won't earn much as a medic and you'll be pretty limited in terms of what you can do career wise. Or you could go to nursing school which can offer a widely varied and even exciting career in the medical field. You could then take that nursing experience and supplement that with a paramedic certification to offer more marketability to yourself. Whatever you do, DO NOT DROP OUT OF COLLEGE! Even if you get a computer science degree, even if you never use it, it will do more for you in the long run than dropping out and relying on your HS diploma will ever do. So don't drop out. Hope this helps. Good luck.

No. The saying is "called to the carpet". If I meant he had crawled I would've said crawled. At one time it was certainly taboo to begin a sentence with "but". However, that is not the case anymore. To old school grammarians it may look incorrect. These days there are acceptable uses for "but" at the beginning of a sentence. "That" was not omitted accidentally. It had no place in the sentence and was not necessary to convey the thought. "Colour" is an acceptable spelling of the word. It's in the dictionary. Look it up. Your corrections, at least as they refer to my quote, are incorrect. What's more, admitting you don't have a clue about grammar usage doesn't give you any ground to correct other people. To take it a step further, my comment to the OP was pretty tame. It was also appropriate for a high school student. Kid or not, a high school student should be operating at a level much higher than what was demonstrated. ETA: What does God have to do with it?

Why don't you just find a new job?

I think once you can demonstrate that you can write a grammatically correct series of sentences you'll get a serious answer. Until then, I think it's pretty plainly obvious that you need to work on finishing grammar school before moving on to finishing high school. Good luck. Let us know when you're ready to be serious. We'll be happy to offer advice and support at that time.

In only 14 States can you not buy alcohol on Sunday. I guess that could constitute many... if you could count just slightly over one quarter of the states as "many". Private business owners don't compare to a public official. Apples and oranges. Well, holly is particularly hard to roll what with the pointy leaves and such. The berries are a little messy when they get smashed during the rolling process. So if you like stained hands with multiple puncture wounds then I guess holly rolling isn't a bad deal. But only 144,000 of them will see any reward for it. So it's like one big competition to see who can get into heaven. Rather takes the purpose of religion out of it, don't you think? You mean like born again Christian Tom Delay who was recently convicted on money laundering charges? How about former Florida Congressman Mark Foley who claimed to be a Catholic yet was caught flirting with male congressional pages? (Or maybe he just should've been a priest?) Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford? Chip Pickering who cheated on his wife while attending a Christian retreat? Or John Edwards who claimed faith was an "enormous" part of his life? There are plenty of other "religious" men and women who have clearly demonstrated themselves to be anything but practitioners of their faith. Using religious beliefs as a basis for suitability for public office is folly. How about we just focus on people who honor their oath of office, act in the best interest of their constituents while, at the same time, working within the bounds of the law, and who leave their personal lives out of the workings of a secular government?

I think you're misreading it, Ruff. I took Squint to mean that, based on the Governor's comments indicating that only those who've accepted Jesus would be considered his brothers and sisters, he (the Governor) could not consider Jesus himself a brother as Jesus was Jewish and not an evangelical Christian. It doesn't seem to me that there's any Jesus bashing in what Squint posted. Moronic evangelical bashing? Sure. Jesus bashing? No.

He was called on the carpet, alright. But I wouldn't go so far as to think that he figured out he was wrong. Based on his posts so far I'm inclined to think that he still thinks it's funny and that we're just too old and too stiff to appreciate such humour. In the end, he still thinks he's right and we're wrong. He's just smart enough to know not to continue posting in the face of such opposition.

I just find it interesting that someone who's been a member for close to five years has only two posts... one of which is spam.

If you want to earn a lot of money, you will need to go to school. Period. There really isn't any way around this. If you want to earn a lot of money, you will need to find a career other than working on an ambulance. EMS, in most places, doesn't require more than a high school diploma or GED. (Oregon does now require a college degree for paramedics.) In the grand scheme of things, that's not a very high standard. As such, EMS providers aren't paid well. It might look like a lot of money to a 17 year old. But give it a few years when you're trying to balance a life, work, dating, maybe even a family on what will suddenly seem like not a lot of money. It's really hard to do. While I can't speak for Squint, I believe he was suggesting you go to college and try for medical school to be a doctor when he suggested medicine. Yes, it will require a lot of school. Yes, it will require a lot of work. Yes, it can be just as, if not more rewarding than a career in EMS. If you are truly interested in medicine at any level you are going to have to go to school. There's no way around this. To become an EMT-Basic will require some training. Paramedic will require more training. You'll get that training in school. Nursing school will require a college education. But as a nurse you'll have the potential to earn more and do more than you could ever do as a paramedic. Believe it or not, there are some pretty exciting opportunities within nursing. It's not all nursing home and home care visits. Radiology technicians require college level education. In many places there are better opportunities to work as a rad tech than there are as a paramedic. Physician assistants require a good amount of education. But you'll earn a salary commensurate with your education. The same goes for physician. You'll have more opportunities to go along with that education, too. Those opportunities will bring their own excitement in their own fields. It's not all office visits and sick geriatric patients. Having been 17 at one time, I know how easy it is to say that school is too much work. But there's a lot of truth to the idea that the better things in life are worth working for. If getting involved in medicine is really what you want to do and you are really interested in medicine, then it won't seem like a lot of work when you're doing it. If, however, you're simply looking for an adrenaline rush of something fun and exciting, please consider looking elsewhere as EMS is not the constant endorphin kick that you might think.

I did find it interesting, Squint, that the video you embedded in your previous post played a "censored" version of the song in question.

South Park took on the subject of the word "fag". It's an interesting episode. Got 25 minutes or so? Watch it here. Be warned. The f word in question isn't the worst thing verbalized in this episode.

I can't help with Phoenix. Just curious what you're going to school for? And I say good on you for doing it, too!

Hi Dave. Welcome to the forums. The first question I have for you is what do you want to do? I know this is a loaded question for being 17. I remember when I was 17. I couldn't tell you what I wanted to do next week much less five or ten years from now. But it is an important question as it will help direct our answers and advice for you. It's ok if you're not sure on the details or what certain positions/provider levels are called. We'll figure it out along the way. But if you could help at least give us an idea what you're interested in doing with yourself I think you'll get much better guidance. So... what do you want to do?

I disagree with the premise of this. Jackass and similar shows are usually people who purposefully and willingly undertake the abuse. They go out of their way to create a situation where one of their "costars" or even themselves will be hurt. They do so in the name of entertainment. Other shows like the funniest home video series are in line with the patient in the OP. It's either accidental or the result of some injury/illness process that makes the person behave in the observed manner. Accidental or not, injury/illness or not, finding humour in the misfortune of others is not funny and shows a remarkable lack of maturity. The subject in the OP presumably did not do this in the name of entertainment. Chlorine is needed along with a good spell check program.

Add me to the list of those who don't see anything funny in the misfortune of others. I'm not amused. And I am no rookie.