Weird Ass Phone Calls

[SA_Medic]

Today I was standing around at the office and answered two calls in the Alarm Centre (Dispatch). It was enough to make me decide to never answer that phone again.

Call number one:

Me: "(insert company name) How may I be of assistance?"

Caller: *crying* "May I speak to the paramedic on duty please?"

Me: "Sure ma'am, I am the paramedic on duty, how may I help?"

Caller: "Could you please explain to me how to commit suicide?"

Me: "Excuse me?"

Caller: *still sobbing* "I want to commit suicide and would like to know how to do it properly"

Me: "Why would you decide to take such a drastic step"

Caller: "You are of no help at all" and she hangs up, I can't call back no telephone number on display.

Call number two:

Me: "(insert company name) How may I be of assistance?"

Caller:"Hi, I need an ambulance"

Me: "Sure ma'am, what seems to be the problem?"

Caller: "It's a slightly delicate situation, but please ensure they have a body bag with them"

Me: "Ma'am, if the person is dead I will have to send the police out as well. Please explain the situation to me"

Caller: "It's my husband, and he's not exactly dead yet"

Me: "Yes, go on"

Caller: "He has been receiving radiation therapy and has since been going invisible. Monday he received a really high dose and is now completely invisible. I have him locked in the bathroom at the moment"

Me: *trying really hard not to laugh* "What is he getting the therapy for?"

Caller: "Oh, and have the ambulance bring a black light with, it's the only way you can see him"

Me: "Why is he receiving the radiation therapy ma'am?"

Caller: "Oh f%^k, he's out of the bathroom. I will phone back as soon as I have him locked in again" and she to hangs up.

The weird people are out today!

[itku2er]

Today I was standing around at the office and answered two calls in the Alarm Centre (Dispatch). It was enough to make me decide to never answer that phone again.

Call number two:

Me: "(insert company name) How may I be of assistance?"

Caller:"Hi, I need an ambulance"

Me: "Sure ma'am, what seems to be the problem?"

Caller: "It's a slightly delicate situation, but please ensure they have a body bag with them"

Me: "Ma'am, if the person is dead I will have to send the police out as well. Please explain the situation to me"

Caller: "It's my husband, and he's not exactly dead yet"

Me: "Yes, go on"

Caller: "He has been receiving radiation therapy and has since been going invisible. Monday he received a really high dose and is now completely invisible. I have him locked in the bathroom at the moment"

Me: *trying really hard not to laugh* "What is he getting the therapy for?"

Caller: "Oh, and have the ambulance bring a black light with, it's the only way you can see him"

Me: "Why is he receiving the radiation therapy ma'am?"

Caller: "Oh f%^k, he's out of the bathroom. I will phone back as soon as I have him locked in again" and she to hangs up.

The weird people are out today!

Dang I want what she is on!!!!!!!!! I want to lock my husband in the bathroom too!!

[aussiephil]

Tezza,

PUT DOWN THE PHONE & WALK SLOWLY AWAY & SIT DOWN. The men in white coats will be with you soon for a little holiday in a padded cell.......

[itku2er]

Tezza,

PUT DOWN THE PHONE & WALK SLOWLY AWAY & SIT DOWN. The men in white coats will be with you soon for a little holiday in a padded cell.......

Do they have the nice black lights I can play with?

[Happiness]

OMG that is to funny. Mother you better becareful or you to might end up in a padded bathroom with a black light.

SA please keep answering the phone so we can have a good laugh in our office

[Kaisu]

Years ago, my husband had an electronics store. One morning he answers the phone:

John: Hello, XXXX Electronics

Elderly female: I have a question...

John: yes?

Elderly female: Why is that when the birds sit on the wire, they all face the same way?

John: ------

[fireflymedic]

That's a great one ! I would not have been able to keep from laughing, I'm sorry - I do believe that even beats our "porn line" call that we received a few years ago(we discovered our 800 number was the same as a 900 number ahem - yeah real interesting when you're a female and you answer that....)Thanks for the good laugh !

[Dustdevil]

This was a lot more common in the days before 911. I worked a rural, hospital-based, countywide service for several years where the emergency line rang two places: in the paramedic office/sleep room, and at the main nurses station. Pretty much anyone could and would answer it. And the number was just a regular (albeit easy to remember) phone number, listed in the phone book. And you know how small the print is in a phone book, right? It made for some interesting -- and frequent -- wrong numbers.

Some sample calls:

Me:

Emergency Ambulance

Caller:

Hi, I got a horse that died last night. How soon can y'all come get it?

Me:

Uhhh....

[Wise County Ambulance was listed right next to Wise County Dead Stock Removal.]

Me:

Emergency Ambulance

Caller: Can you tell me what time the funeral service for Bertha Mann is?

Me:

Uhhh...

[A funeral home in another town had the same phone number with a different prefix]

Me:

Emergency Ambulance

Caller:

Hi, I live out in Keeter, and I'm just wondering when the power will be back on?

Me:

Uhhh...

[Wise County Ambulance was listed right next to Wise County Electric Co-Op]

Me:

Emergency Ambulance

Caller:

Tina, please.

Me:

Uhh... Tina who?

Caller:

How many Tina's do you have there?

Me:

None, actually.

Caller:

Asshole! *click*

[The EMS number was also listed at the bottom of the main hospital listings, and some people just love to call the last number to be different, or thinking they'll get answered faster after hours. Usually they were looking for some nurses aide or something.]

That's one thing I will say for 911. At least in larger systems, the crap gets filtered out by call takers before it gets to EMS.

[SA_Medic]

I am seriously glad to see I am not the only one that's had to listen to some weird ass things on the phone

[itku2er]

I wasnt the one that took the call cause I was the one in charge of the resident at the Nursing Home but it sure was funny when 911 calls you and the conversation goes like this.

me: This is Terri how can I help you?

911: Are you the nurse taking care of Mrs Smith?

Me: Yes I am.

911: Terri is this you?

Me: Yeah John what is up?

911: Mrs Smith wants us to call the police and ambulance cause you have her tied up and are holding her hostage and have had strange men come into her room all hours of the night and she cant reach her call light to ring for the bedpan.

Me:What?

911: We recieved a call from Mrs Smith stating you were holding her hostage had her tied up and she couldnt reach her call light to ring for the bedpan. She wants to press charges cause you are holding her hostage.

Me: Are you serious?

911: Yes Terri she called us.

Me: Ok I will go talk to her.

911: and terri one more thing, would you please get her cat out of the freezer so her husband will quit cheating on her?

me: Ok I will get right on that one but how does getting her cat out of the freezer stop her husband from cheating on her.

911: You go ask her I cant explain it like she did.

Well my freinds were real nice to me for the next week I was getting bedpans stuffed with a stuffed cat wrapped in kling. Needless to say she was always supervised after that if she wanted to use the phone.