Just stopping in to say hi...

[Christopher.Collins]

Hey everyone. Just thought Id see whats going on as its been some time since Ive been active in here.

Back in early Sept. my (now) mother-in-law was admited to a hospital in Va. for multiple reasons so my wife and I took a trip down there to spend some time with her. Shes since returned back home in CT... had to make a ghetto ambulance with a rented van and bed because insurance and good old medicare wouldnt justify an ambulance transfer for her leaving one hospital for another so far away. Thats another long story though. All Ill say is Im very displeased with the healthcare, or lack there of by the Sentara Hospital system... not to mention she just wanted to be home with her family in case something should go wrong. Still in the hospital... almost a month in a half now.

Things have been quite rough and though Ive been through simmilar with my own blood family and understand near everything the Drs and Nurses are saying I am finding it difficult to be supportive. I love my wife but I just dont know what to do. Twice her mother has requested to go on to pain managment only, discontinuing all care. The Drs and Nurses are puzzled and her case (calcifilaxis [sp]) is something they see maybe "once every 3 years" according to the hospitalist. In addition this is the worst case of it theyve seen in a long time. Pretty much she has the options of a painless death (discontinuing all care except pain management)... surgery to remove all dead tissue (high risk with 50/50 survival through the op)... or reducing pain management and starting physical therapy.

This is all just the tip of an iceberg... theres just so much more. I dont know what to do, Im on the edge of a breakdown and just finding it really hard to be supportive. I sold my truck just so we could go to Va. and now that we are back home and the grandparents are here from Cali... the driving situation for 1 vehicle is a mess.

Im just ganna stop now. I hope everyone is doing well. Miss chatting. Take care.

[itku2er]

Chris

We are here for you if you need us. Prayers for you and your family. Sorry you are having such a rough time but there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

And you are right the healthcare sucks but I am glad they got her home and closer to you.

Chin up we love you.

Terr

[jsadin]

Tough times for you brother. Be strong and don't be afraid to reach out for help when you need it.

[emtannie]

Chris,

Things seem to be crazy for you right now - you and your family are in my prayers.

Please remember that you have friends here, and if you need anything, just holler.

Annie

[DwayneEMTP]

Hey Brother.

Tough gig you've got at the moment, but you know what? We've seen that you can hang when things get tough.

My wife and I helped her mother die, immediately followed by her father, immediately fallowed by my mother. It's not my intention to 'one up' you, I hope you can see that, but only to let you see that I know where you're coming from.

I think you'll find that it's often difficult to know what to do. Sometimes your wishes may conflict with those of your wife's or mother in law's, other times you may be too tired to think clearly, other family members that perhaps should be carrying part of the load don't, and that can make you angry. The grief causes stress and the stress causes misunderstandings and unrational behavior. It's part of the package. Don't try and pretend that you should be doing better. The situation is broken and you have to accept that sometimes you're going to be broken within it. Get good with that. Accept that you need a ton of rest. A ton of rest. Did I mention rest?

Take it day by day the best you can. Forgive yourself for the times you fail to meet the unreasonable standards you've set for your behavior, expect the family members that haven't been through this life changing situation to do and say truly incomprehensible things, and then forgive them for that.

Take a deep breath, be an advocate for your mother in laws' choices for her life, love your wife, get naked and nasty when the stress becomes unmanigeable, find a hundred things a day to laugh about, and get back to posting regularly so that those here, though you've never met them, can share their strength with you.

Be strong man...Let us know how you're doing.

Dwayne

[Christopher.Collins]

Thanks to thoes who have responded and listened a week or so back.

Unfortunatley 2 weeks ago my mother-in-law decided to go on the comfort plan... pain managment only with discontinued care (food, dialysis, etc). She passed away last saturday clinical at 0142 and pronounced at 0149 at Lawrence Memorial Hospital. She was on 26mg morphine at the end. Services were held this past thursday and yesterday.

My wife and I did some research on her primary complication. Cant remember the spelling but its called calcifalaxis, its a rare "flesh eating" type disease. From what the L&M Hosp. doctors told us they see maybe 1 case every 3 years and she was by far the most advanced case they've seen. Its incredibly painful and coupled with that almost all Deborahs abdominal tissue was dead, it was septic and spreading to her back, sides and chest these past couple of weeks. The research Renee and I did found that there is really no one standard measure to treat this (aside from surgery). But in Debbies case the L&M surgeons and even surgeons from Yale said they dont want to attempt it because she was a very high risk of being lost on the table. Some studies we found showed that 3 persons with minor cases of this disease in their feet produced gangreen and went septic causing death before surgery. Ultimatley we found nothing but horrible pictures and information on calcifalaxis... but it helped put us and the family at some ease about Debbie wanting to move on. It is most commonly found in persons who have had a kidney transplant and/or are in renal failure, but even then is still quite rare.

Again, thank you all. Take care and stay safe. Ill shall return to chat once things start to settle down.

[Christopher.Collins]

On a better note though, for personal reasons I have been inactive for several months in the fire/ems service.

Last week however I got that itch, you know that one where you really miss something?

My wife, her grandparents and I were on our way to visit Debbie in the hospital, in fact it was that day just shortly before she passed. We were on the I395 when we hit traffic... for a major highway it usually dosnt have heavy traffic even during rush hours. As we got further up there was a car pulled over with heavy smoke coming from the front of it... not much I can do about a fire with no gear or anything. Kept driving and there was no damage or fire to that vehicle, just a torn up engine block. Beyond that was a Subaru Baja flipped over in the woods, with a single person pinned under the roof. I could pass by a burning unoccupied vehicle without thinking to much of it... but this, I couldnt just keep going. My wife was puzzled when I made her pull over, told her to leave me there and Ill find a ride home. But she listened.

I established c-spine for the 26 y/o male AAOx2, immediatley suspected ETOH and a high speed impact. Afterall, the engine and engine compartment were all over the highway about 50ft from the car itself... FD arrived and though I was without any form of PPE and covered in blood from a scalp lac. they recruited me... two engines from two different departments and only with drivers, deffinatley short handed.

After we pulled him from under the car I was able to get up and look around, see what I got myself into. There were skid marks on the highway and off the road leading to a tree. Head on impact tore the engine out and threw it in the road, ejected him about 20 or so feet and then the vehicle followed rolling over on him. State police estimated speed of approximatley 100mph prior to the incident based on witness reports.

I was able to find a way to the hospital and made it in good with the local FD, which helped me in getting accepted as a new member there.

As for my wife and the grandparents... they were a bit dissapointed that I left them at a time of need. But I explained to them politley that Debbie has made her decision and we cant change that. Im not going to stand back and possibly allow someone else to die in the mean time. She dosnt know the Firefighter/EMT side of me very well, so shes pretty nervous about whats to come.