And a partridge...

[Britpara]

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December 14, 2007

My dearest darling John:

Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real

Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure.

Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.

My love always,

Agnes

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December 15, 2007

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two

turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift.

They are just adorable.

All my love,

Agnes

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December 16, 2007

Dear John:

Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't

deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just

darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.

All my love,

Agnes

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December 17, 2007

Dear John:

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they

are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are

being too romantic.

Affectionately,

Agnes

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December 18, 2007

Dearest John:

What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings,

one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it.

Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my

nerves.

All my love,

Agnes

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December 19, 2007

Dear John:

When I opened the door today there were actually six geese

laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh?

These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors

are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please

stop.

Cordially,

Agnes

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December 20, 2007

John:

What's with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a

swimming. What kind of damn joke is this? There's swan shit all

over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at

night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop those

freaking birds.

Sincerely,

Agnes

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December 21, 2007

O.K. Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with

8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8

maids a milking, but they had to bring their bloody cows. There is

shit all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just

lay off me, smartass.

Agnes

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December 22, 2007

Hey Shithead:

What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers

playing. And Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing

those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are

getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching

birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a

petition to evict me.

You'll get yours !

Agnes

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December 23, 2007

You rotten Bastard:

Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those

sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long.

Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living

room is a river of shite. The Commissioner of Buildings has

subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be

condemned.

I'm calling the police on you !

Agnes

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December 24, 2007

Listen F*ckhead:

What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maids and

ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers

ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the

cows. All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've been

trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you

rotten vicious swine.

Your sworn enemy,

Agnes

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December 25, 2007

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers

fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss

Agnes McHolstein.

The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should

come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss

McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been

instructed to shoot you on sight.

With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially,

Law Offices of Badger Bender & Chole

[bethea]

[/font:67ec06ff69] lmbo, the poor woman, may she finally have some peace lol

[Richard B the EMT]

Variations of this series of letters appears every December. I am always glad to see them.

[CoyoteMedic]

Hey, no fair, someone stole the idea I had to do to my ex!!

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

[Richard B the EMT]

What about the young child drew a picture of a bullet balanced in the arms of a leafless tree? While many thought the child was EDP, turns out she misunderstood the classic song, and had drawn a "Cartridge in a Bare Tree".

[4kids]

Sounds like something my husband would try doing to me.

[Adam Swartz]

Hoilly freaking shit. Poor Woman. I just fell of my fat arse laughing. "See you in court Honey."