Stupid things you've said on calls

[MedicCallie]

It's people like that that make you almost want to hold seminars called "Suicide: Doing It Right"

Emphasis again on the "almost"

Exactly... first topic of choice:

1. Cutting: Go up and down the river, never across the bridge.

[SSaint]

Second lecture: Killer pharmacology - drugs guaranteed to kill painlessly if used in an OD

[Rezq304]

Third lecture.

Acetamenaphine: Why to NOT use it

[emtpdiver]

When I began in this business I started in the EMS 9-1-1 dispatch center. In our area when someone calls 9-1-1, if they have a med emerg they are transfered from their PD or SO call center. The other dispatcher will stay on the line to see if we need PD/SO/FD, etc... to respond with us.

So, it's like 4 AM and I have been there 14 hrs and am very tired, as I am alone. This call comes in from one of our rural areas, the SO dispatcher is snickering in the background as I answer "EMS what's your emergency?" The woman (pt) states "I need an ambulance, I have CRABS in my eyes!!!!". Of course knowing that I am very tired, I am totally taken back from this, so I ask the pt to repeat her emergency. Again, "I have CRABS in my EYES". So now I am asking myself CRABS? Like from the ocean or "downunder"? So I ask her, "Ma'am, why do you feel like you have crabs in your eyes?" Response: "I was having relations with my boyfriend and I can see the crabs in my eyes." I didn't realize that what I was thinking was actually coming out of my mouth until the SO dispatcher began hysterically laughing...My brilliant response? "Was this an oral exam?"

Thank goodness she was rocketing on several drugs and didn't get what I was saying...

Boy I didn't live that down for many years. The SO dispatcher would call me occassionally to ask me if it was an oral exam.....

One more....

I was riding with a FTO when we get a GSW call. We arrive and the patient is lying there in a puddle of blood around his head, gray and WHITE matter everywhere. He STILL has a pulse and is breathing. We begin our thing, C-spine, ABC's, etc, we get him in the truck, tubed, he codes...

We know that he was dead, due to all the brain matter everywhere, but we have a job to do...So we work him all the way to the hospital, ED physician walks in with a trauma team. A brand new RN was running around all hysterical, yelling, we need to get the neurosurgeon, what do we do? WE NEED THE NEUROSURGEON!!!! Have we call him yet??

I walk up to her, in a very consoling manner, "Ma'am, it's ok, last time I checked they didn't put the brain matter back in." The Dr. walked up to me and said "thanks, I didn't want to be the one to break it to her, Time of death....."

[Rezq304]

I walk up to her, in a very consoling manner, "Ma'am, it's ok, last time I checked they didn't put the brain matter back in." The Dr. walked up to me and said "thanks, I didn't want to be the one to break it to her, Time of death....."

LMAO!!!

[SSaint]

Wow!

emtp... those...

All I can say is... wow!

[Redneck4_life]

My first code I work I had the patient on the floor had another volunteer doing compressions while i used a pocket mask. Another volunteer came in the door folllowed by the medics and the family of the lady when I suddenly remembered I had a BVM in my bag so instead of queitly gettin gup and gettign I think and say out loud " I'M SO STUPID" and then i got up and ran for my bag... lol everyone just sotppped and looked at me for like ten seconds. Thankfully we feel right back in routine. The lady who coded however we didnt save ( she threw a cloat). I still ahvent lived it down

Jenn

[JPINFV]

[if you don't watch much TV, you might not get this]

So the other day I was sitting in one of the local hospitals finishing up my PCR and joking with some of the staff when this doctor comes up and tells the RN that he's going to need a surgeon (unrelated to my patient). So, being the smart ass I am, I said, "Well, I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night," and no one got it. :oops:

[SSaint]

[if you don't watch much TV, you might not get this]

So the other day I was sitting in one of the local hospitals finishing up my PCR and joking with some of the staff when this doctor comes up and tells the RN that he's going to need a surgeon (unrelated to my patient). So, being the smart ass I am, I said, "Well, I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night," and no one got it. :oops:

That's something I would do!

I can't believe NO ONE got it!

[TerrfyinFlyinSrvc]

Fourth lecture

Cement Poisoning: The Surest Toxin.