Sexing a Fly

[aussiephil]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her

husband stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?"

She asked .

"Hunting Flies"

He responded .

"Oh . ! Killing any?"

She asked .

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied .

Intrigued, she asked .

"How can you tell them apart?"

He responded,

"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone .

[firedoc5]

More truth than fiction.

Just kidding ladies.

[crotchitymedic1986]

A man with leprocy (if you dont know what it is, you wont get the joke) was told by the leper colony doctor that he only had a few weeks to live. His name was Joe, and he was well liked by the other lepers. One of his friends asked him if he had any last wishes during his last few weeks. Joe replies, yes i do, but it could never come true. I am originally from Arizona, and I love baseball. Unfortunately, I have never had the chance to see the Diamondbacks play in person, I have only seen them on tv. My dream would be to go to a home game and watch them play. Joe's friend says I have lots of money, I can make it happen. Joe says i cant go out in public looking like this, it would cause a panic (all but one of his fingers had already fallen off, and he smelled pretty bad). His friend says yes, you are probably right, but let me think about it. The next day, Joes friend comes to him, and says I have figured it out, I know how we can go to the game: We will cover you from head to toe in clothing, a big floppy hat, glasses, trench coat, and we will wait until the third inning to go in the stadium, by then we want have to wait in line. Once inside the field, we will wait until there is a big play and everyone stands up to cheer, to walk to our seats, no one will notice you, and if they do, they wont be able to see anything that might gross them out. Joe says you know, thats a damn good plan. Joes friend says i have already booked the flight, the tickets to the game, the hotel, and the limo, we leave Tuesday. So they followed their plan and it worked, they got to their seats without any problems. What they didnt factor in was that it was July in Arizona, and it was brutally hot the day of the game. By the fifth inning Joe was feeling horrible and told his friend we are gonna have to leave, I cant take this heat and all these clothes. His friend says hang on, lets keep working our plan. Wait until the next big play, when everyone stands, we will take off that heavy coat and scarf, and that will help. So thats what they did, and it worked out fine -- everyone around him was watching the game, and no one noticed that he had disrobed a little. Then a young boy who was sitting in front of Joe, turned to look at the scoreboard behind them, and he saw Joe. The boy immediately vomited all over his seat, the boys dad turns around, sees the same thing, starts vomiting, then everyone in that row looked around and started to vomit. Before long the whole section was vomiting. When the dad/son regained their composure, Joe apologized to them, saying I am so sorry I ruined your day, but i only have a few weeks to live and this was my dieing wish. I will be happy to buy you and your son tickets for a future game, I am so sorry that I came here, I knew I shouldnt have come to a public event with my hideous appearence. The dad says, oh no, it wasnt you --- it was the guy behind you dipping nachos into your neck.

[Fifthkid]

now i know how to tell then apart. thanks phil