ladybear Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Several folks in here know I have a teenage boy who I've been having tons of trouble with. Right now I'm having to make a decision of either letting him go live with his grandparents for two years or "making" him stay down here with me. They live in Oregon, I live in so Cali for now. Right now I have full custody of him, with a stipulation in the custody orders that I maintain a residence in the current county I live in unless authorized to move elsewhere or have written permission from his father to do so. My worries about him staying with his grandparents are 1. It's has dad's parents so I am positive he will be in more contact with the worthless piece of scum. 2. His grandfather is terminally ill and I don't want to hasten his demise with the stress of a troubled teen. The benefits.. my son loves his grandmother and listens to her. She's been one of the most positive influences in both of my kids lives. Another benefit is that he would be away from the bottom feeding scum suckers who call themselves his friends. Any thoughts or advise? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eydawn Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 That's a really difficult situation to be in. One thing I would say is that if his grandmother is a positive influence, she might just make the difference... and if his grandfather is terminally ill, it could be a good time for them to spend some time together before he passes. But that's just what occurred to me on the first reading... you have to go with your gut, ladybear, and I know it won't be an easy decision either way. Wendy CO EMT-B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Anne Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 I am very sorry to hear of your hard times, Ladybear. Southern Cali is a bit of a hard place to live due to so many ill intentioned influences....been there, done that! If he loves Grandma as much as you say, perhaps being there for her as well as Grandpa will be a loving and nurturing experience for him. It may be more of a blessing to send him there to help out Grandma in this time of stress. Whatever you decide, I know you have his best intentions and love in your mind and heart, therefore it'll be the right decision. :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spenac Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Might be best to let him go to grandmas. Perhaps he might man up and even help make things easier with his grandfathers condition. It would also get him away from friends that may be dragging him down. Whether he admits it or not he probably understands more about the type of person your ex is anyway. It really sounds as if there is no other option that would keep him from going further down hill. Sorry. I hope you the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladybear Posted July 20, 2008 Author Share Posted July 20, 2008 Thanks to those who've posted. I've had an oh so wonderful (very sarcastic tone intended) morning with my son im'ing me after a rather unproductive phone call talking with both him and his grandmother. He's gotten himself into a nasty mode at the moment after I pointed out a variety of my concerns to him and her. One of his IM's was "FU" spelled out of course... an IM I pointed out was "oh so mature" on his part. It's hard when you love someone despite their nasty parts. You know there's someone good in there.. but this JERK part is so prominent it's hard to see past it. :evil: My prayers are that I will figure out what needs to be done and that God helps me see where he should be and how to make it the best experience for my son. I just pray that he ends up a healthy, happy adult who contributes to our society instead of like his father. [-o< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaisu Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 No offense ladybear, but constantly badmouthing his father is not doing your son any good whatsoever. I know what I am talking about - My first husband was a jerk, but I NEVER said a bad word about him when my daughters were growing up. In terms of your issue, any kid of mine who told me to FU in text, attitude, verbally, spelled out or not got an immediate attitude adjustment - and no, I don't mean hitting them. It sounds to me like you need to send that child to gramma and grampas, cause lady, you are floundering. Good luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mshow00 Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Have you considered a type of "boot camp"? My sister and I went through a similar rough patch in the years following my parents devorice. I was 17 when it happened my sister was 13 and my mom put up with us for about 2 years; and it was all she could take. At that time I had stubbornly held to my stupid anger and piss poor attitude and as a result went through the "school of hard knocks". My mom and step-father sent my sister to a finishing school ( I think thats what it is called) where she was able to work through her issues complete her sophmore- senior schooling in a single calander year. And she just gradutated from SEMO with a BBA at the age of 20. Just another thought... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamaith Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 hi, i don't have any kids so i won't pretend like i know what you are going through. are there any aunts or uncles? when i was a teen i thought i was a badass it took a death of a friend to calm me down so mabye living with his grandparents might be good. sometimes death will calm a person down. i think you can always try it , see how it goes and then if it not working bring him back. or like the one person said boot camp. or scared straight programs. good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mstovall Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 My parents switched me around several times, trying to keep me away from my scummy friends. The only problem is that I could find as bad if not worse everywhere I went. Moving a child just to get him away from bad influences is only good if the child wants to change. As for the grandparents, they will also only influence those that want a change. The thing that changed me was some disorderly conduct charges filed by my parents. As much of a badass that I was, I didn't want to go to juvy anymore than I had already been. Just trying to show you a different view point. From some of your comments, I would suggest talking with your pastor. He may be able to guide you in local alternatives better than any of us. Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladybear Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 So after talking to a variety of folks, many who know my family and the ENTIRE situation, I have made the decision that my son will indeed go to his grandparents. I feel that this will be in his best interests at this time. The biggest stipulation will be that he attend school and if at any time he starts to act with them like he has with me, or he gets into legal trouble up there he will immediately be returned too me. No if/ands/or buts about it. If I find out that my ex is hanging out there, the law will be notified and my son returned to me. There is a legal injunction against him being around the child. One person on here referred to the possibility of me badmouthing my ex around my child all the time. I choose not to even speak of him if I can. Instead of being a parent he chose to do drugs and ultimately got both children hooked on them. Can I call someone like that a person or a parent? I personally have trouble thinking of someone like that as even being human. Humans don't do that to children and parents even less. Just my opinion to which I am entitled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts