Funniest pt interview.....

[a918emt]

Funniest one so far for me......

Setting - seedy motel where all some of the not so stand up citizens stay. Get in room, stuff everywhere, ice cubes on the floor guy laying on floor. Its about 110 outside and 105 in the room. Frequent flyer for pain meds.

So you fell on the floor out of bed 2 hours ago and your back hurts so much you can't get up, your leg hurts, your eye hurts? (looked like he fell asleep outside somewhere and some bugs got the best of him)

Ya.

So how did all these ice cubes get on the floor?

You don't know what happened in here last night, I don't know what happened in here last night all I know is I fell out of bed 2 hours ago and cant get up because of the pain.

So what happened here last night?

I was kidnapped by aliens and fucked up the ass.

Does your ass hurt?

no.

well if you got fucked in the ass it should hurt. So you told me your eye hurt - did you get fucked in the eye too?

no (whining)

At that point we all pretty much lost it quietly. Guy doing pt interview said it with a straight face too. We took him to hospital where after about an hour he miraculously (sp?) got up and walked out AMA cuz they would not give him pain meds without complete eval.

[co_student_87]

I am unsure as to what to write here in response. I do not remember most of my patient interviews since I attempt to leave those behind me when I leave the firehouse. I do remember one patient who made me laugh when I asked if she had any medical conditions, she responded with; "Baby I have seen more specialists than years you have been alive, I am on more medications than a pharmacy can hold, and I have more history than a frat house couch." This lady was in her late 80's and cracked me up....she was sick and dying but never once complained or lost her love of life.

[CoyoteMedic]

My best one was when I was working as a EMT-B, we got called out for a man down in a appartment, go walking in to find his pants around his ankles, a wetspot on the floor under this butt, and his buddy walking around holding a ice cube tray. Turns out it was a narc OD, and that his buddy had heard that if he shoved ice cubes where the sun don't shine, it would be all better. Lets just say after a little wake up juice, the guy was wondering why his hole was cold and hurting a little.

:roll:

[firedoc5]

We had a woman jumping up and down on the bed in a nightgown, her husband laying on the floor with his hands over his groin. She kept yelling that he fell out of bed and broke "it". When they got the guy out of the room, the police Sgt. and I stayed back and asked her exactly what happened. She said he came home drunk and stuck that filthy thing in her face...so... she bit it. They later had to do skin graphs and other things.

[CoyoteMedic]

We had a woman jumping up and down on the bed in a nightgown, her husband laying on the floor with his hands over his groin. She kept yelling that he fell out of bed and broke "it". When they got the guy out of the room, the police Sgt. and I stayed back and asked her exactly what happened. She said he came home drunk and stuck that filthy thing in her face...so... she bit it. They later had to do skin graphs and other things.

Anyone else thinking we have a relative of the Bobbit family here?

[firedoc5]

Of all days, Thanksgiving, we had an early morning call of an assault. We find a guy that was beat about the head and shoulders with a minor abdomen laceration. At first the guy said he'd been "rolled". Come to find out he tried paying a pimp with a check after a hook-up. Bet that ruined his holiday.