First, it sucks...but it is part of the job. Like you said, its certianty. And I don't think there is a right or wrong way to deal with it once you get off as long as you deal with it. When you don't deal with it is when you are messing up. Since January I think I have had six deaths...? 1 DOA, the rest I coded.
You asked "How do you guys deal with deaths on the job?" Each case is different. Most of the time, it isn't something that affects me in a way that I have to deal with it. You live, you die. BUT when I feel it...What I have found works best for me is just being with your crew, they just went through the same thing you did and know what you're feeling. I have had a few rough ones, and the babies are the hardest. Definetely makes you hug your own a bunch more. That helps. I always end up with a lot of "if I had done this" and "if I'd done that" thoughts, and those don't help. I try to focus on the positive. My crew had a horrible train vs car where the extraction took 45 minutes and I was with the pt the whole time...BUT the crew did everything perfectly, we worked awesomely together, other than the extraction the response was text book. I had to try real hard to think about those things rather than the "if we did this instead..." and of course : ) another call soon after always helps. Little adrenaline fixes everything!
Your crew understands, your family doesn't always but they're what keeps you happy. Surround yourself with what makes you happy and an understanding of where you just came from and I always find I am golden.
You asked "Do you cry on scene if someone dies? Maybe a young kid." My personal rule, never. you never ever cry on scene. You're the professional and often times you cannot help the person who passed but you can help those left behind. I have been to a few calls where the person was DOA and then I was there purely as support for the family. My view of it is that you don't get to have personal feelings or act like a human, you are EMT. : )
You asked "Have you cried on scene?" Nope. There is always enough going on, for me at least, that I am busy thinking about things other than crying.
You asked: "Are you allowed to cry or tear up anyways... on scene or in the back of the ambulance when dealing with patients?" Never on scene or with the patient or patient's family...but I have cried afterwards. Sometimes you have to.
You asked "And if you'd like you can talk about how you deal with deaths in your personal life if it's different than on the job." It is completely different in your personal life. It is sad when its happens in your work place...but it is actually painful in a very personal way when it happens in your personal life. But to be honest...I still haven't cried about losing my dad and that was several years back now. (back to that thing I said about not dealing with it being bad haha...)