Michael

...you can usually find a way to get along together, right?

Quack (quack quack quack quack...)

Of course, there is the rare blossom who is as wise as she is kind.

Whatever you do, add flowers. Cannot go wrong with flowers. It'll overcompensate for any perceived failure in the gift-giving or any other department. Women love flowers. Did I mention that flowers are a good gift for women? Seems too easy and unoriginal, I know, but when in Rome, get flowers.

And they must be cut flowers, nothing potted. It's gotta be mortal; it has to have a temporary life-span, it's gotta be dying. Somehow that implies sacrifice. Don't stop to analyze, it'll get you nowhere. Just give flowers, and if you're in doubt, flowers. Other gifts are great, target her personal tastes, needs, preferences - but flowers as a safety-net. Cut flowers look her face to face, and (I'm convinced) somewhere unconsciously she must believe they have chosen to die personally for her, smiling at her, praising her.* Don't think about it, just do it.

With an epi-pen if you suspect allergies, but tastefully disguised as an orchid.

Did I mention flowers? They're good too. Go, Tiger!

*Edit: You should believe it too.

Post #5 is safe for your pet mole, too.

no speaker

Then here ya

Only Chuck Norris gets to speak definitively about "your missing a period."

Those of us with lesser powers may not boldly assert, but rather must only cautiously inquire, whether there is any possibility of your being pregnant.

Confidential to Ruff: TMI.

Suggestion: When you have a couple of minutes, bring your cursor over the word below, close your eyes, then left-click on your mouse, and sit still while you wait a moment. It won't hurt!

.

Right?

I accept full responsibility, having named the thread the way I did.

From the 9th entry in the Comments section of the webpage above:

>Regarding his writing skills, the printed version of the letter in Child's book also includes these words: "Written just as he dictated it."<

Population quarantine, otherwise known as Chinese take-out.

Quicker still (Rush! It's an emergency!):

http://doihavepigflu.com/