PRPGfirerescuetech

The positives drastically outweigh the negatives. We've been through this a billion times. Its time to advance the craft to a level acceptable to what it deserves.

WOW Anyone else not see this coming?

This thread is another example of why this job (read as: not yet a profession) is so terribly frustrating. We cant yet agree on the type of service we should offer, let alone be able to come to a collective and reasonable conclusion. We are our own problem.

Education, volunteers, education, no oversight, education, apathy, education

My dearest AK, I respectfully request this thread be locked, and moved into the well stocked pits of EMTcity bullsh** oblivion. We have come to a conclusion that there is no conclusion, and have circled more times, than my rather "special" doberman, who is still trying to find his tail. ( his name is "deet deet dee") Anyhoo, just blow this thread up. Hugs and kisses, PRPG.

I smell a snake. Who are you fella? I dont testify on EMS boards....

This is important because the state of NJ is widely considered the worst of the 50 states. This is for a number of reasons, however this decision is ground breaking for them, regardless of the level identified. Lesson: If NJ is coming along, everyone can. XOXO PRPG

Im going to disagree with the crowd and consensus on this one. I wear this belt. Yes I am a whacker, but a whacker with a well educated head on his neck. You are in an urban enviroment, as I am. When poking around in the ghetto, I wear... -Flashlight (i refuse to use those giant 20 lb maglights) -Glovecase (i dont always wear gloves, because you dont always need them) -bandage shears (i hate hunting for shears) -Multi-tool -leather gloves (hand protection for extrication / combative drunken goobers / your local Mc-Dopey) Cell Phone Radio Pager. Only a few pounds, and everything you need.

Shocking! Even New Jersey is getting the idea. http://www.co.gloucester.nj.us/Pdf/Emergency/faq.swf Seems a county full of volunteer BLS squads that consistently scratch with no consistent EMS response is regionalizing at the county level, with a solid living wage, county benefits, and a pension plan.

Most needlesticks can be avoided. It is truely a rare occurence where a mistake is made that couldnt be, and an even rarer mistake with a dirty needle that couldnt have been avoided. PM me with his phone number. He needs an "in-service"

Anthony, I speak to you as an EMS OSHA designated officer, infection control officer, OSHA instructor in-house as well as an OSHA consultant in the EMS field. When it comes to risk, Doc is right, to a point. Looking back through history in regards to HIV and AIDS, your patient would have been 60 years old when a name was put to this disease. This disease, it should be noted, did exist well before this time (around 1980). Your patient may have contracted it though several means, and does not fit the most likely age grouping to submit for a test after the disease was named and the full scope of the epidemic was determined. Regarding other diseases. HEP B, HEP C, and a number of other less potent diseases are probibly of more concern. (AS medic ccjh noted) Did your company offer you a blood test (on yourself) as well as medical blood test surveillence on yourself over the next 6 months? They have to. Did your company offer you counciling regarding the exposure with a psychologist? They have to. Did your company pick up the bill for the prophelactic medications? They have to. Did your company council you on the risks of the exposure before you were given the medication? They have to. Theres a lot more, but this is the basics. If your exposure was down to the muscle, then you really should be receiving three things. Regular blood test medical surveilence, at thtime of the exposure, 6 weeks, 12 weeks, 6 months, and 12 months. did you get a HEP B innoculation? Did your company offer it to you? They were supposed to. EMS is ages behind compliance in infection control and infectious diseases.

DOCTORS' SLANG, MEDICAL SLANG AND MEDICAL ACRONYMS AND VETERINARY ACRONYMS & VET SLANG These have been mostly collected from the UK and USA, with a few non-English contributions (many thanks to all contributors from around the globe). Some of the acronyms are region-specific and have differing meanings in US and UK. It is noticeable that the US has numerous acronyms and slang terms relating to gun-related incidents and injuries. The slang/acronyms are directed variously at patients, other medical staff or mystifying medical conditions. I haven't included the slang terms for all of the various medical equipment. The veterinary appendix - due to popular demand - is at the foot of the page. 3H enema - Enema that is "high, hot, and a hell of a lot." Reputedly given to patients who give staff a hard time. 3P’s - Pill, Permissiveness and Promiscuity (relates to female patients with sexually transmitted disease) 4F - Fair, fat, female and forty OR fat, forty-ish, flatulent female (both mean abdominal pain patient who is candidate for gall bladder disease) 4H - (US) Haemophiliac, Hispanic, Homosexual, Heroin addict 5-H-1-T - polite medical term for shit 10th Floor Transfer - dying (floor number is always the next number on from the highest floor in the hospital). 45C - patient is one chromosome short of a full set (thick) Acades vulgaris - medical students. Acronymophilia - excessive reliance on TLAs /TLMs & XTLMs (extended 3 letter acronyms) Acute Lead Poisoning - Gunshot wound (Acute Lead Poisoning) 185 grain Injection - 9mm gunshot wound (Acute Lead Poisoning) 240 grain Injection 44 calibre magnum wound (Acute Lead Poisoning) Air-conditioned - Multiple gun shot wounds Acute Hyponicotaemia - desperate for nicotine fix (cigarette) Acute Pneumoencephalopathy - airhead Adminisphere - where hospital managers work, reckoned to be "another planet" ADR - Ain’t Doing Right AFU & BR - all f***ed up & beyond repair AGA - Acute Gravity Attack (fell over) AGMI - Ain't Gonna Make It (won't survive) Aggressive Euthanasia - A procedure that obnoxious patients would benefit from. AHF - Acute Hissy Fit Albatross - chronically ill patient who will remain with a doctor until one or other of them expire ALC - a la casa (send the patient home) ALS - Absolute Loss of Sanity (nutcase) Amyoyo syndrome - Alright motherf*****, you're on your own (seen in head injury patients in Intensive Care) Angel lust - a male corpse with an erection (not uncommon). Is also sometimes used to mean death that occurred during intercourse. APD - Acute Prozac Deficiency (depression) Appy - person with suspected appendicitis APRS - (US) Acute Puerto Rican syndrome (bouts of screaming and yelling) APTFRAN - Apply Pillow To Face, Repeat As Necessary (for annoying patient) AQP - Assuming the Q Position: deteriorating or dying with tongue hanging out AQR - Ain't Quite Right ART - Assuming Room Temperature (dead) Ash Cash - money for signing a cremation form Ash Point - where you collect the Ash Cash Assmosis - promotion by "kissing ass" AST - Assuming Seasonal Temperature (dead) ATD - (US) Acute Tylenol Deficiency (simple fever or head cold) ATFO - Asked To F*** Off ATS - Acute Thespian Syndrome: faking illness; known in US as MGM syndrome Aunt Minnie Lesion - once seen, never forgotten, much like certain aunts at the family wedding Ax(e) - surgeon Baby catcher - obstetrician Babygram -x-raying (radiographing) a newborn Bagged and Tagged (B&T) - Body ready for dispatch to morgue Bagrinhos - (Brazil) interns ("bullheads" - type of fish that gets in the way of real fishing) Banana - patient with jaundice Bash Cash: the money paid for completing accident (insurance) claim forms in A&E BBCS - Bumps, Bruises, Cuts and Scrapes (i.e. no serious injuries) BBL Sign (Belly-button Lint Sign) - male, middle-aged, overweight and hairy (an umbilicus that looks like the lint [fluff] trap in a tumble dryer is most common in overweight, hairy, older men). Known as Belly-button Fluff in Britain. Beached whale - obese patient unable to do much for him/herself except lie there with flailing arms and legs Benny - patient on benefit (welfare payments) Betty - a patient with diabetes BFH - Brat From Hell (usually accompanied by PFH - Parent(s) from Hell) BFH - Big F****ing Head; hydrocephalus as in a "FLK with a BFH" (can be metaphorical for arrogant consultant) Blade - Surgeon: dashing, bold, arrogant and often wrong, but never in doubt Blamestorming - apportioning of blame for mistakes, usually to any locum or lowliest medic in sight Blood Suckers - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs Blown Mind - gunshot wound to the head. Blue Blower - patient with severe lung disease Blue Pipe - vein (as opposed to 'red pipe' or artery) BMT - Bowel-Movement Taco (faecal matter trapped in female genitalia) BMW - Bitch Moan & Whine Bobbing for apples - unblocking a badly constipated patient with one's finger BOHICA - Bend Over, Here It Comes Again Bones and Groans - non-specialist general hospital BoneHo - an off-service resident working in Orthopedics Boogie or Goober - tumour. A Roasted Goober is a tumour after intensive cobalt treatment; a Healthy Goober is a dead tumour patient. Bordeaux - bloodstained urine Bottle return - removing a bottle lodged in the anal canal Bounce - returning a turfed patient back to original dept (see also turf and buff) Bounceback - patient who keeps returning to the hospital Box - to die Brain Fry - Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) for depression Brothel Sprouts - Genital warts Brown trout - a stool that won't float (as opposed to an air biscuit, which does) BSS - Bilateral Samsonite Syndrome: patient admitted with both their bags packed in preparation BTSOOM - Beats The Sh*t Out Of Me Buff - re-hash the patient's story to make it sound more appropriate for the patient to be referred to another dept (see also turfing and bouncing) Buff Up - to ready a patient for release Bug Juice - antibiotics Bugs in the rug - pubic lice Bull in the ring - blockage in the large intestine BUNDY - But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet Bungee jumper - a patient who pulls on his catheter tube Bunnies - Sanitary Towels (sanitary napkins) Bunny Boiler - (Psych) dangerously obsessive or unbalance woman (based on film "Fatal Attraction") Bury the Hatchet - accidently leave a surgical instrument inside a patient. BVA - Breathing Valuable Air BWCO - Baby Won't Come Out (needs Caesarian) C&T Ward - Coma ward - "cabbages and turnips" Cabbage - heart bypass i.e. CABG (Coronary Artery Bypass Graft) Callbellectomy - minor operation, sadly not permitted, to remove over-used call bell from patient's hand/reach! Call Button Jockey - patient that uses call button all night long for no good reason. Calling Doctor Blue [to location] - public address system code for "baffling case needing more doctors to take a look in the hope that one of them will know what to do" Captain Kangaroo - chairman of a paediatrics department. Cath Jockey - cardiologist that catheterizes every patient they see (or one that does cardiac catherizations) CBT - Chronic Burger/Biscuit Toxicity (obesity) CCFCCP - Coo-coo for Co-Co Puffs (dementia or similar) Cephosplat - Domestos Antibiotic; Kills all known germs Ceiling Sign - near-levitation from the bed to the ceiling induced by examining for abdominal tenderness Celestial discharge - died Celestial transfer - died (transferred to the Eternal Care Unit) CFT - Chronic Food Toxicity i.e. obesity Champagne tap - bloodless lumbar tap Chandelier's Sign - The result of any test or probing after which the patient must be removed from the chandelier Chartomegaly - patient is so frequent s/he has a large (and growing) chart Cheerioma - a patient with a highly aggressive, malignant tumour Chocolate Hostage - constipated Choly / Chole - patient with cholecystitis (inflammation of the gallbladder) Chrome Induced Ischaemia - patient that develops inexplicable chest pains when arrested and handcuffed CKS - cute kid syndrome CLL - chronic Low Life Cock Doc- urologist Code 0 - (Ambulance) Time-waster/tax-waster (genuine codes are Code 1 [non-serious] to Code 4 [emergency]) Code Azure - message to other medics to do nothing extraordinary to save a very ill patient who will die shortly no matter what is done Code Brown - faecal incontinence emergency (e.g. of bedlinen) Code Pink (Triangle) - a likely homosexual (used back when HIV/Aids tests took a while to come back) Code Pink (Paediatric) - baby taken without permission from maternity/nursery by family or staff Code Yellow - urinary incontinence emergency Coffin Dodger - survived against expectations, or a very old person Cold-tea sign - refers to the several cups of cold tea on the bedside cabinet beside a dead geriatric (i.e. no-one noticed the patient had died) COPD - Chronic Old Persons Disease (unwell, no specific cause) Crackerjack referral - (UK) It's Friday, it's five to five, it's... (Crackerjack was a popular TV show) i.e. Friday afternoon job CRAFT - Can’t Remember A F*cking Thing Cranial rectosis - US: butthead (US term for idiot); UK: head-up-ass (arrogant/arrogant fool) Cranio-faecal Syndrome - s**thead or s**t for brains Creepers - geriatrics using walkers and wheelchairs CRI - Cranial-Rectal Insertion or Cranial-Rectal Inversion (head-up-ass syndrome) Crinkly - geriatric Crispy critter - severe burns case Crock - Hypochondriac. Crook-U - Prison Ward in a hospital (slang to match ICU - Intensive Care Unit etc) Crop Rotation - Ambulance shuttle service from nursing home to surgery and back again Crumble (crumbly) - elderly patient Crump - (UK) RTA [Road Traffic Accident], (US) crash; trying to die Crump, Gork or Vedgy - Intensive care patient incapable of movement and apparently unaware of his surroundings. CRS - Can’t Remember Sh*t CRT - Can't Really Treat CTF - Cletus the Fetus (US). A 23 week, or earlier, births that parents expect to survive against all odds CTD - Circling the Drain (Close To Death) CTS - Crazier than sh*t C*nts and Runts - Maternity and Paediatrics Cut and Paste - To open a patient, discover that there is no hope, and immediately sew him up (or almost immediately - sometimes young surgeons practice surgical techniques for a while). CYA - Cover Your Ass; unnecessary procedure/prescription done to avoid being sued D&D - Divorced and Desperate (middle aged female who visits doctor weekly just for male attention) Dagenham - (psychiatry) or "Three Stops Beyond Barking": severely disturbed/mad (based on British train station names) DACB - (US) Drunk As Cooter Brown (UK equivalent is PAAF/PIAF) Dance - the process of tying a surgical gown behind the surgeon's back (requires a 180-degree spin by the surgeon: Shall we dance?) Dandruff on wheels - scabies or other transmissible flaky skin condition DBI - Dirt Bag Index: number of tattoos x number of missing teeth = days since the patient last bathed De-coke and Re-bore - Dilatation and curettage (gynae) op Deep fry - cobalt therapy (radiation therapy) Dement - Alzheimer patient Departure lounge - geriatric ward Dermaholiday - nickname for dermatology dept used by staff in busier depts DFO - (1) (US) Done Fell Out (anything from fainting to cardiac arrest) DFO - (2) Drunk and Fell Over DFO-SFJ - Done Fell Out - Screaming For Jesus DIFFC - Dropped In For Friendly Chat (i.e. no medical problem) Digging for Worms - varicose vein surgery DIIK - Darned if I know DILF - Doctor I'd Like to F*** (Fornicate with): Nursing slang for good-looking doctor Dirtball - patient who enters the emergency room filthy and smelling badly Discharged downstairs - transferred to the morgue DMFNFL - Dumb mother f*cker, not fit to live Doc In A Box - a small clinic/health centre, with ever-changing staff. Doing the Twirly - circling the drain (about to die) Donorcycle - motorbike: the biggest cause of donated organs! DENTIST - Doesn't Even Need Treatment - It's Sorted, Truly Dishwasher - sterilization machine Double bind trial - Two orthopods looking at an electrocardiogram Double Whopper with Cheese - Obese female with genital thrush Doughnut - CT scanner DPP - (Brazil) leave patient for the next shift to deal with ("Deixa para o Próximo Plantão") DPS - Dumb Parent Syndrome DPS - (General Practice) Droopy Penis Syndrome: a patient wanting Viagra prescription DPS - (Hospital) Disappearing Penis Syndrome: the usual reaction of the male organ in response to insertion of catheter or endoscope DQ - Drama Queen Dr Feelgood - a doctor who is indiscriminate about prescribing drugs Drinkectomy - separating a drunk from his can of lager (performed in A&E dept) Drooler - catatonic patient. DRT - Dead Right There (patient dead at scene of accident) DRTTTT - Dead Right There, There, There and There (patient dead and in multiple parts at scene of accident) DSB - Drug-Seeking Behaviour (faking illness to fuel narcotic addiction) DSP - Dumb Sh*t Profile DTMA - Don't Transfer to Me Again. DTS - Danger To Shipping (in a particularly large patient's records) DWPA - Death/Dying With Paramedic Assistance Duck - portable urinal for bedridden male hospital patients Dude Factor - Survival scoring factor based on social worth. A high dude factor = an individual of questionable social worth who survives near-fatal injuries. A low dude factor = professional person who slips in the bathroom sustaining a fatal injury Dump - patient that nobody seems to want (or to transfer a patient to another hospital) Dunlap Syndrome - belly done lapped over the waistband; obese (spare tyre, Dunlop being a brand of tyre) Dys-Synaptogenic - stupid Eating In - Intravenous feeding Eating the Bill - (USA) providing care for indigent patients lacking insurance i.e. "We ate the bill on that guy." ECU - Eternal Care Unit: heaven ("gone to the ECU = dead) EDGATWTTTF - Elevator Doesn't Go All The Way To The Top Floor (thick) Embromed - (Brazil) imaginary health plan: postponement of solution through hoax. EMS - Earn Money Sleeping (joke at expense of Emergency Medical Service) EMT - Extraordinary Masochistic Tendencies (joke at expense of Emergency Medical Technicians) Engessar - (Brazil) to orient treatment so that the patient can't complain (literally "to place in a cast"). ERCP - Emergency Retrograde Clerking of Patient, an emergency procedure before the consultant rounds ERNOBW - Engine Running, No One Behind the Wheel (thick) Estropício - (Brazil) poor, unkempt obstetric patient ("jeopardy"). Eternal Care - Intensive Care (for a patient who won't come out again) ETOH - Extremely Trashed or Hammered (2 derivations given: corruption of "Etho" [ethanol addict] or from "EtOH" [chemistry abbreviation for ethanol]) Expensive care - intensive care Expensive Scare - intensive care FABIANS - Felt Awful But I'm Allright Now Syndrome Faecal Encephalopathy - Sh*t for brains Family Care Plan - One child gets the sniffles, whole family gets a trip to A&E Fanger - oral surgeon Fascinoma - Interesting pathology, but not as interesting as the ensuing politics over who gets first authorship when the case is written up FCBP - Fellow of the College of Bystander Physicians i.e. doctor having a look-see FD - F*cking drunk FDGM - Fall Down, Go Boom (see LOLFDGB) FDSTW - Found Dead Stayed That Way Feather Count - measure of flakiness (e.g. high feather count) Feet-up General - a quiet district hospital FFDID - Found Face Down In Ditch FFDIG - Found Face Down In Gutter FFF - see 4F (Fat, Fair, Female, Forty = gall bladder disease) FHHS - (US) Female Hispanic Hysterical Syndrome (screaming and crying) FINE - F*cked up , insecure, neurotic & emotional Finger Wave - rectal exam FIRT - Failed impact resistance test (crash victim) FITH - F***ed in the head Fluttering Eye Syndrome - Patient faking unconsciousness FLB - Funny Little Bumps (unexplained skin bumps) Flea - (US) internists, (UK) ethnic nurses (used in 1970s during an influx of imported healthcare staff) i.e. "they get everywhere" FLK - Funny Looking Kid (sometimes suggests rural inbreeding) FLK w/ GLM - Funny Looking Kid with a Good Looking Mother FLKBCOTP - Funny Looking Kid But Check Out The Parents FLKOFS - Funny Looking Kid, Okay For Sunderland (one of many regional variants of NFN [Normal For Norfolk]) Flower Sign - flowers at a bedside, denotes patient has a supportive family and might be candidate for early discharge FLP - Funny Looking Parents (hereditary cause suspected for FLK) FMPS - Fluff My Pillow Syndrome (attention/sympathy seeker), like Call Button Jockey FOALS NEIGH - F*ck Off And Let Someone Not Extremely Incompetent Get Here FODE - Falling On Deaf Ears FOL, GOL, FOS - Fat Old Lady, Gone off Legs, Full Of S**t. Confused elderly female, unable to exercise at home, now unable to move unaided and badly constipated as a result (see also Toxic Confusional State). FORD - Found On Road Dead FOOBA - Found On Ortho Barely Alive (a play on FUBAR - F***ed Up Beyond All Recognition) FOOSH - Fall Onto Outstretched Hand (as cause of broken wrist/arm) FOS - Full Of Sh*t (either severely constipated or metaphorically) FOS - Found On Street: unidentified dead homeless person FPO - For practice only (FTD) FPT - (Brazil) beyond help, do not resuscitate ("Fora de Possibilidade Terapêutica"). Frequent Flyer - Someone who is transported to and from hospital on a routine basis (also someone who spends more time at the local hospital then most employees and is known by all staff members including Environmental Services) Freud Squad - psychiatrists Friday construction - Anatomical equivalent of the cars made on Fridays, when the workers mind was more on the weekend than the job in hand Fruit Salad - group of stroke patients, all unable to take care of themselves FTD - Fixing To Die FTF - Failed to Fly (botched suicide) Full Moon - full or overcrowded waiting room/A&E/ER Garden - neurosurgical intensive care ward, so called because of the "vegetables" found there. Gardening - attending to patients in neurological intensive care. Gassers OR Gas Passers - anaesthetists Gatekeeper - General practice doctor whose role is to keep costs low by only allowing a certain number of patients to go to specialists GDA - Gonna die anyway Genital hurties - genital herpes Geosphere - Dirt Ball (Geo = dirt + sphere = ball) GI Rounds - a meal (GI = gastrointestinal) GLF - Ground Level Fall (tripped over) GLM - Good Looking Mum GOA - Gone On Arrival (police turn up, ambulance turns up, fire brigade turns up, patient doesn't) Goat Rodeo - Emergency scene which goes badly (resembles a bunch of people riding or wrestling goats) God's Waiting Room - intensive care unit and/or geriatric unit GOK - God Only Knows Goldbrick - patient who demands more attention than their (minor) condition warrants. Golden ass - affluent mother who treats the obstetrics nurses like servants GOMER - Get Out of My Emergency Room; extended to mean elderly patient who is unable to communicate their symptoms and passed from one department to another Gomergram - Ordering all available tests because the person is unable to explain what is wrong with them Gone Camping - patient in oxygen tent Goober - nutter Gorillacillin - very powerful antibiotic Gork - comatose or brain dead Gorked Out - mental impairment through disease or substance abuse Go to Ground - fall out of bed or chair GPH - Goddamns Per Hour GPO - Good for Parts Only (won't survive) GRAFOB - Grim Reaper At Foot Of Bed GRAHOB - Grim Reaper At Head Of Bed Granny Dumping - dumping elderly relative in A&E; often happens just before Christmas or family holiday aka the hospital granny-sitting service Granny Farm - old persons' residential home, run by a Granny Farmer Grape Sign - grapes at a bedside, denotes patient has a supportive family and might be candidate for early discharge Grapes - haemorrhoids Gravity Assisted Concrete Poisoning - jumped/fell from height GROLIES - (UK) Guardian Reader Of Low Intellect In Ethnic Skirt GTO - Gomer tip over (elderly person with injury from trip or fall) GTTL - Gone to the light (died) Guessing tubes - stethoscope Gun and Rifle Club - Trauma ward full of gunshot and stabbing victims HAIRY PSALMS - Haven't Any Idea Regarding Your Patient, Send A Lot More Serum Hallucinoma - a mass seen on a scan or x-ray that wasn't really there HALS - Hit And Left Standing (apparently uninjured but in shock after RTA/MVA) Hamburger (Helper) - Train or juggernaut vs pedestrian Hammer - local anesthetic Hammered - to get numerous admissions while on call Handbag positive - confused patient (usually elderly lady) lying on hospital bed clutching handbag Happy feet - (US) patient having a grand mal epileptic seizure (in UK, Happy feet means smelly feet (feet which "hum" [stink]) Head - a brain-injury patient. Usage - "I’ve got a head I’ve got to deal with." Head Bonk - an otherwise uninjured patient who was struck on the head and presented at A&E just to be sure Head whack - head injury Healthy Goober - dead tumour patient. Hearts and Farts - unit specialising in geriatrics and cardiology Hey Docs (or Haydock) - alcoholics handcuffed to wheelchairs in big-city medical wards who chorus "Hey, Doc! when they see a white coat" (sometimes disguised as "Haydock" which is a UK placename) Hepatology Conference - doctors meeting at a pub or bar (no late appointments, I'm going to a hepatology conference) Hi 5 - HIV positive ("V" being Roman for 5) HIBGIA - Had it before, got it again High Serum Porcelain Level - Patient is a crock of sh*t Hippo - Hypochondriac or depressive Hit and Run - the act of operating quickly so as not to be late for another engagement (often a non-medical appointment). HIVI - Husband Is Village Idiot HMF - Hysterical Mother Figure HMO - From phrase, "Hey, Moe!", a concept pioneered by Dr Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough elsewhere. Modern "pokes" with same outcome include estimates for private treatment. HOPEFUL - Hard-up Old Person Expecting Full Useful Life (i.e. OAPs are not priority for most hospitals) Hole-in-One - A gunshot wound through the mouth or rectum. Horrendoplasty - difficult operation for 12 hours on a patient with a BMI of 45 Hospital Hobo Syndrome - person who visits multiple hospitals seeking attention or accommodation Hospitalismo - (Brazil) Revolving-door patient (in-and-out-and-in ....). Hospital pilantrópico (Brazilo) - (sarcasm) dubiously charitable hospital where profits outweigh philanthropy. House red - blood HTD - Higher Than a Duck HTK - Higher Than a Kite HTT(A) - Hot Tots and Twats (Area): Paediatrics & Ob/Gyn wing of hospital Humpty-dumpty doctor - a physiotherapist or rehabilitation doctor (from the nursery rhyme verse "all the king's horses and all the king's men could not put humpty together again") HVLT - High Velocity Lead Poisoning: gunshot wound Hypoxanaxemia - patient with anxiety symptoms (Xanax deficiency) Icing on the Cake - lethal tumor discovered in the X-rays of a heart attack victim. Improving His Claim - Victim of minor accident, needs no treatment but wants something to support his insurance/legal claim. Inbreds - doctors whose parents are also doctors Incarcaphobia - patient is hypochondriac prisoner who prefers hospital to jail cell Incarceritis - becoming dubiously ill when arrested or in court Incidentaloma - a usually benign mass (needing removal) found on a scan while looking for something else entirely Insurance Pain - Neck pain secondary to a minor car bump Insurance Whiplash - Neck pain secondary to a minor car bump International House of Pancakes - neurology ward full of patients (usually stroke victims) all babbling in a different language. Intubate Junior/Intubate Willy - catheterise a man (often results in DPS - Disappearing Penis Syndrome) ISQ - In Status Quo ("no change"): often used during the weekend surgical round ITBNTL - In The Box, Nail The Lid (dead or dying) JAFFA - Just Another Fat, F***ing Administrator Jailitis - becoming dubiously ill while in custody or in a jail cell JLD - Just Like Dad (often used to explain an FLK) John Thomas sign (UK) - according to tradition, the side that the penis points to (if visible on x-ray) will have an abnormality (see also Throckmorton sign). Journal of Anecdotal Medicine - favourite, but unwritten, source of medical wisdom J P FROG - Just Plain F***ing Ran Out Of Gas (old age etc) JPS - Just Plain Stupid (self induced injury involving lack of common sense) Kidney Stone Squirm - a spot diagnosis in A&E KFO - Knock the F*cker Out (patient either obnoxious or screaming in pain) Knife-happy - an overly enthusiastic surgeon Knife and Gun Club - (US) local street gangs or criminal organizations that keep ER in business Knuckledragger - Orthopedic Doctor/Surgeon Larry - Locum, as in "doing a Larry" Last Flea To Jump Off A Dead Dog - Oncologists (sometimes other disciplines) who seem unable to let people die with diginity LDF - Lying Down Fit Leeches - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs LFTWM - Looking for 3 Wise Men (applied to young pregnant females who deny having had intercourse) LGFD - looks good from door (but not closely examined, possibly an obnoxious patient) LGFTC - looks good from the corridor (but not closely examined) Lignocephalic - wooden-headed (i.e. dense [thick] or stubborn) Liver rounds - staff party, so called because of liver-damaging alcohol LMC - Low marble count (low IQ) LOBNH - Lights On But Nobody Home LOFD - Looks Okay From Door LOL - Little Old Lady LOLFDGB - Little Old Lady, Fall Down, Go Boom LOLINAD - Little Old Lady In No Acute Distress LOLITS - US: Little Old Lady In Tennis Shoes (60+ year old); UK: Little Old Lady In Twin-Set (50-60 yera old) Loop-the-loop - flamboyant surgical rearrangement of the intestines. Loose Change - dangling limb in need of amputation. LPT - Low pain threshold LRO - Luck Ran Out (cheated death before, but not this time) LWS - (US) Low Wallet Syndrome (No medical insurance or money) M sign - Patient just goes "Mmmm" Map of Antarctica - (NZ) appearance of fatal spontaneous brain haemorrhage on CT scan MARPs - Mind Altering Recreational Pharmaceuticals Marriageable Monster - young female patient who has successfully undergone major plastic surgery. Matern-a-taxi - when a pregnant woman calls an ambulance because the contractions are every 2 minutes, but she doesn't have a single contraction during a 30 minute journey to hospital MCBP - Member of the College of Bystander Physicians i.e. doctor having a look-see Meat hooks - surgical instruments. Metabolic clinic - the tea room MFD, CFD - Measure For Box, Call For Dirt (severely ill [or dead or nearly so]) MFI - very large myocardial infarction MGM syndrome - Faker putting on a real good show Michelin's Disease/Disorder - multiple spare tyres (obese) MICO - Masterly Inactivity and Catlike Observation MICOS - Masterly inactivity, cat-like observation and steroids Microdeckia - Micro = small, deck = deck of cards; patient playing with less that a full deck (low IQ) MIDI - myocardial infarction during intercourse (heart attack during sex) MILF - Mother I'd Like to F**k. US version of GLM who is also PHAT Mobile Drip Stands - Fire Dept (often found at emergencies alongside paramedics) Molar masher - dentist Mononeuronis Asynapsis - thick (one neuron, not connected!) MUH - Messed up heart Mulambo - (Brazil) poor patients in public outpatient clinics (literally rag + beggar) MU Pain - Made Up pain (especially for sick notes and insurance claims) Mushroom syndrome - suffered by lowly medics who are kept in the dark and have crap piled on them n=1 trial - polite term for experimenting on a patient NAD - Not actually done NARS - Not a rocket scientist (low IQ) Negative Wallet Biopsy - (US) patient transferred to cheaper hospital because s/he has no insurance/funds NETMA - Nobody Ever Tells Me Anything (generally a doctor's gripe on a patient's chart) Neuro-faecal Syndrome - s**t for brains NFF - Normal Fae Fife (Scottish version of NFN below) NFN - Normal for Norfolk (rural area, suggests inbreeding or quaint rural oddness), might explain FLK NGMI - Not Going to Make It NKDA - Not known, didn’t ask NLPR - No longer playing records (dying) No Hopeamine - Dopamine Not even in the ball game - confused, senile patient NPS - New Parent Syndrome NQR - Not Quite Right NQRITH - Not Quite Right In the Head NSA - Non-Standard Appearance (what a FLK grows into) O sign - Patient unconscious with mouth open OAP - Over-Anxious Patient OB/GYN - actually means Obstetric/Gynaecology, rumoured to mean "Oh Boy-Got You Naked" OBE - Open Both Ends (known in UK as DNV - Diarrhoea and Vomiting) OBECALP - placebo (the rationale being that patients don't realise it's "placebo" in reverse) OBS - Obvious bullsh*t Obs and gobs - obstetrics and gynaecology OFIG - One Foot In the Grave OFIGATOOS - One Foot In the Grave And The Other One Slipping Ohno-second - The time from making an error (e.g. dropping that hard-to-get sample immediately after you got it) to going "oh-no" Old Man's Friend - (US) pneumonia, an illness which often carried off the elderly Oil slick - (1991, NZ) - appearance on CT scan of a porencephalic cyst Oligoneuronal - "few brain cells" i.e. thick (not very bright) (Note: In the UK, "dumb" means "mute") OMGWTFBBQ - a person mangled in a car crash Ooh-Aahs - Those who gather to gawk at an emergency and go "Oooh, Aaah" OPD - Obnoxious Personality Disorder Organ recital - a hypochondriac’s medical history Orthopod - orthopaedic doctor Osteocephaly - boneheaded Ostrich Treatment - pretend it's not there and hope it goes away OTD&DDR - Out The Door and Down The Road. OTDPDS - Out The Door Pretty Damn Soon Overpriced Carpenter - orthopaedic doctor P4P - Penicillin for Prick (peniecille for penile discharge) PAFO - Pissed [Drunk] And Fell Over Pale face - (Brazil) child with leukaemia/severe anaemia. Paninvestigram - order all the tests; for when you haven't got a clue what's going on Paperweight - (NZ) very small patient with severe congenital mental retardation Papoterapia - (Brazil) to give the patient a pep talk, chitchat therapy ("papo" = chitchat). Parentectomy - removing parents as an effective cure for a child's problems Pathology outpatients - Follow-up for dead people Paws Up - dead PBAB - Pine Box At Bedside PBS - Pretty bad shape PBOO - Pine Box On Order Pecker Checker - either a urologist or a sexual diseases doctor (also the ship's doctor in Naval slang) Peek and Shriek - open a patient surgically, discover an incurable condition, and close the incision immediately PEFYC - Pre Extricated For Your Convenience (RTA victim that has gone through windscreen) Percussive maintenance - the sharp tap/bang which cures faulty equipment Pest control - term applied to psychiatrists by casualty officers PFH - Parent(s) from Hell (custodians of BFH - Brat From Hell) PFO - Pissed [Drunk] and Fell Over PGT - Pissed [Drunk] and Got Thumped Pharmaceutically Enhanced Personality - stoned or medicated PHAT - Pretty Hot and Tempting (warning to others) PHD = Pakistani Healing Dance (a useless procedure performed for benefit of patient and family) PIA - Pain in the ass PAAF - Pissed as a fart (also PIAF -PIssed as A Fart) Pediatron - paediatrician PID - Pus In 'Dere (PID actually means Pelvic Inflammatory Disease) PID shuffle - apot diagnosis in A&E (Pelvic Inflammatroy Disease) Pillow Therapy - describes the urge to smother annoying patient (aggressive euthanasia, tontine treatment). PIMBA - (Brazil) swollen-footed, drunk, run-over beggar ("Pé Inchado Mulambo Bêbado Atropelado") Pinky Cheater - Latex finger cover used in gynecological and proctological examinations. Pink puffer - patient breathing rapidly due to lung disease Pit - the emergency room PITA - Pain in the ass Pitiático - (Brazil) patients feigning illness. Plank Positive - stupid, as in "thick as 2 short planks" Plano Pafúncio - (Brazil) alleged preferential treatment of relatives of hospital employees. Player - complaining, irritating patient PLH - Pray Long and Hard PLTDP - Practice Limited To Dead People Plumbii Pendulosus - swinging the lead (malingering) anecdotally used on medical certificates to be presented in Court, esp in Magistrates' Court where the Magistrate is known to the Doctor Plumboscillation - swinging the lead (malingering) Plumbum oscillans - Latin for "swinging the lead" (malingering) i.e seeking a sick note to take time off work Pneumo-cephalic - airhead PNR - person needed ride i.e. minor ailment but called ambulance instead of taxi Podo-Oral - Foot in Mouth (i.e. put one's foot in it - rarely used BY senior staff, sometimes used ABOUT them) Policeman Lesion - lesion on an X-ray so obvious that a policeman would spot it Poliesculhambado - (Brazil) multi-f*cked-up patient. Polydipose Dysfunction - big, fat patient (polydipose being invented plural of adipose [fat]) Pop Drop - granny dumping (dumping elderly relative at Casualty dept) POPTA - Passed Out Prior To Arrival Porcelain Level - fictitious blood test ordered to communicate to colleague that the patient is malingering (crock of sh*t) PORG - Person Of Restricted/Retarded Growth (dwarf/midget) Positive Blue Legs Sign - (US) resuscitation behind closed curtains (US ER medics wear blue scrubs) Positive Hilton Sign - demanding patient expects Hilton Hotel luxury; indicates patient well enough to leave! Post-Weekend Fatigue Syndrome - an ailment which presents at GP surgeries on Monday mornings Pot Plant - person in a Persistant Vegetative State (often used in plural to mean coma ward) Pox Docs - clap clinic (sexually transmitted disease clinic) doctors PPP - Piss poor protoplasm PPPPP - piss poor protoplasm poorly put-together (really old and/or decrepit) PPA - Practicing Professional Alcoholic PRATFO - Patient Reassured And Told to F*** Off Pre-Detention Stress Disorder - a person who feigns medical symptoms when police handcuff him Pre-stiff - terminally comatose patient. Psychoceramics - psycho-geriatrics Psycode - Code Blue in a psychiatric hospital i.e. patient passing out from the side effects of medication Pumpkin Positive - a penlight shone into the patient's mouth/ear would encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up Purple (code purple) - when paramedics are called out to a dead body Purple Plus - called out to collect a dead body that's started to fester PVC Challenge - To intubate someone. PWT - Po' (poor) White Trash (with a condition related to their lifestyle) Q sign - Patient unconscious/terminal with mouth open and tongue hanging out; "Dotted Q" means flies land on tongue (dead/dying) Quackpractor - chiropractor Qwertyitis - what a doctor suffers from when he spends more time on a computer than with actual patients QID - Queen in distress (hissy fit) Q-Tip - Elderly person (white haired old person) (Q-Tip is a cotton bud) Rabbit - over-talkative (from slang "Rabbit & Pork - talk) Raisin Farm - old person's home, geriatric ward etc (also Raisin Farmer - person who runs old persons' home) Ralphie McYakkers - young drunks vomiting Rapid Lead Infusion - obnoxious patient ought to be shot RBG - Received by God (a person in receipt of a Celestial Transfer) RBS - Really Bad Shape Rear Admiral - proctologist Rear Admiralty - proctology dept Rectoencephalitis - head-up-own-ar5e syndrome Red dot - physicians from India, relates to red dot on their forehead Red pipe - artery (as opposed to "blue pipe" or vein) Reeker - smelly patient Removal men - dept of care of elderly people Retrospectoscope - instrument of hindsight Rheumaholiday - rheumatology (considered by hard-pressed juniors to be a less busy dept) Road Chilli - Unrestrained driver/motorcyclist or passenger, ejected and splattered Road Map - injuries incurred by going through a car windshield face first. Road Pizza - Unrestrained driver/motorcyclist or passenger, ejected and splattered Roasted Goober - tumour after intensive cobalt treatment. Rocket Room - a ward/unit where there are many deaths (many transfers to heaven) Rocking horse stool - even rarer than hen's teeth Rooters - indigents and hangers-on who gather in big-city emergency rooms in order to be entertained by legitimate cases. Rose cottage - mortuary Rothman's sign - tobacco staining of fingers Rounding Up The Usual Suspects - Ordering a set of tests for a given set of symptoms RPVU - Relative Porsche Value Unit: surgical index of potential income from the repair of patient injuries, usually orthopaedic in nature. Fractured finger = a windscreen wiper; a fractured hip = new tyres etc. RT - Room Temperature (dead) RTT with a BBB - Rat-a-Tat-Tat with a Baseball Bat (hit with blunt instrument). Rudy Baga - Patient with terminal brain injury, persistent vegetative state (rutabaga is a vegetable). Rule of Five - if more than five of the patient's orifices are obscured by tubing, he has no chance Saddles - Maternity sanitary towels (napkins), so called for their size and the bow-legged effect of wearing them Samsonite Positive (Positive Samsonite Test) - someone who turns up in emergency with all their luggage (and insists on being admitted to a ward) SAS - Sick As Sh*t SBI - Something Bad Inside e.g. undiagnosed cancer/unexpected serious condition found when performing surgery SBLEO - (pronounced S-B-Leo) Suicide By Law Enforcement Officer SBOD - Stupid bitch/bastard on drugs Scepticaemia - chronic condition suffered by two doctors in a debate over which therapy Scratch and sniff - gynaecological examination September club - the students who have to return after summer holidays for retakes Serum porcelain - battery of blood tests on an elderly patient Serum rhubarb - What they test for at tertiary centres SFS - Stinky Foot Syndrome (often related to homeless) SF Scale - Sphincter Factor Scale: 1 to 10 scale indicating degree of bowel-loosening in response to an emergency SHA - Ship His Ass (when patients refuse to be discharged). SHAD - Syphilitic, Hypochondriac, Alcoholic Degenerate Shadow gazer - radiologist Shandy Tap - bloodless lumbar puncture Sh*ts & Spits - lab tech term for a patient's stool and sputum samples; also the instruction to obtain these samples Shotgun Labs - to order many lab tests, hoping one will turn up an answer to a puzzling case SHS - Sullen, Hostile, Stupid (often an inner city drug/alcohol addict) Short-Order Chefs - mortuary workers. Shotgunning - Ordering of a vast array of tests in the hopes that one or other of them will give an idea of what is wrong with a patient SHPOS - Sub-Human Piece of Sh*t Sick - Really sick i.e. FTD (Fixing To Die) or CTD (Circling The Drain) Sidewalk Souffle - (US) suicide-by-jumping Sieve - a doctor who admits almost every patient he sees SIG - Stroppy Ignorant Girl SIG - (certain US regions) self-inflicted gerbil (anecdotal) Silver Bracelet Award - patient is a prisoner brought in wearing cuffs Silver Goose, Silver Stallion - proctoscope. Síndrome JEC - (Brazil) terminal patient ("Jesus Está Chamando" = "Jesus is calling"). SIO - Sleeping It Off Slashers - general surgeons Slough - a patient inappropriately or unfairly unloaded from one hosptial unit on another Slow Code (to China) - elderly very ill patient who wants everything done so they will not die. Everyone on the medical team disagrees Smashola - patient with multiple blunt trauma injuries e.g. from car smash Smellybridge - area between the anus and the back of the scrotum (perineum) Smiling Mighty Jesus - (US) spinal meningitis (also Screamin' Mighty Jesus) Smurf Sign - patient blue or going blue Snow - to accidently give a patient too much medication/mixed medication so they go into an altered state of consciousness ("Don't snow that patient with Drug X and Drug Y at the same time!) Snowed - being in a state of altered consciousness due to too much/mixed medication SNUD - Sick Nigh Unto Death SOCMOB -- Standing On Corner Minding Own Business (when inexplicably injured) SODDI - Some Other Doctor Did It (when one medic's botched jobs must be put right/answered for by someone else) Sofa Surfer - homeless person who sleeps on friends' sofas and floors (ends up at A&E for "3 hots and a cot" when s/he has nowhere else to stay) Soft Admission - an admission that only a "Sieve" would accept Solomf yoyo - So long, mother-f*****, you're on your own (see "amyoyo syndrome") SPAK - Status Post Ass Kicking Speed bumps - haemorrhoids Spots and dots - traditional set of childhood diseases - measles, mumps, and chicken pox Squash - brain. Squirrel - eccentric or hypochodriac ("squirrelly") patient who can make life difficult. Found in the phrase "squirrels get sick too" to remind staff that even eccentric patients may have a real medical problem SRI - Something Wrong Inside (undiagnosable problem) SSDD - Same Sh*t Different Day (in conjunction with Frequent Flyer) Stage Mother - person accompanying patient and encouraging patient to exaggerate the complaint (often to obtain a particular diagnosis or to get an unnecessary prescription) Stamp - skin graft Status Hispanicus - (US) much like Acute Puerto Rican Syndrome. St Elsewhere - medical academia's term for any non-teaching hospital Stream team - urology dept Stupidity Panel - lab test (for patient stupidity) that, when invented, will earns its inventor a fortune (i.e. thick patient) Sturgeon - surgeon Summer Teeth - some are teeth and some aren't ... Supratentorial - above the falx tentorium/cerebellum i.e. psychosomatic e.g. supratentorial pain SVRI - Something Very Wrong Inside (usually terminal) SWAG - Scientific Wild Ass Guess SWI - Something Wrong Inside SWW - Sick, wet and whiny (infant) SYB - Save Your Breath (for patients who don't take advice) Tachylordyosis (with the junctional Jesus) - Usually a middle-aged to older black female American with a complaint of "lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy", occasionally with the interspersed "Jesus" i.e. "lordy, lordy, lordy, lordy, Jesus help me, lordy, lordy" Tachylawdia - as above (variant spelling), but without the "Jesus" Tash Test - observation suggestive of HIV status (presence of a Freddie Mercury-esque moustache) TATT (or TAT) - Talks All The Time (also "Tired All The Time") Tattoo Titre - indication of patient insanity: more than 5 tattoos indicates likely crazy person T&T Sign - Tattoo-to-Teeth Sign: survival indicator; those who are tattooed and toothless will survive major injuries Taint Spot - Perineum: "It ain't this and it ain't that" Taxidermy Consult - call for a taxidermist's consultation i.e. person about to die Tax-Sucker - Someone who does not need an ambulance, but calls anyway because it's free TBP - Total body pain TBC - Total Body Crunch: multiple injuries TDS - Terminal deceleration syndrome (e.g. RTA death, high-rise syndrome, jump-suicides and parachute-failed-to-open) TEC - Transfer to Eternal Care i.e. dead TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy TF BUNDY - Totally f*cked, but unfortunately not dead yet TFO - Too F*cking Old (person dying of old age). TFTB - Too Fat To Breathe THC - Three hots and a cot; sought in A&E by the local homeless Therapeutic Monitoring - monitoring a patient purely because it makes the doctor feel better. Thorazine shuffle - the slow, lumbering gait of psychiatric patients dosed up on phenothiazines Three-toed sloth - patient with diminished capacities, usually from long-term alcoholism Throckmorton’s Sign - in the unconscious male, the penis points to the injury TLC - Tube, Lavage & Charcoal (given to poisoning victim) TMB - Too Many Birthdays: person dying of "old age" TMI - Three Meaningless Initials (e.g. John Smith, TMI - applied to medics with qualifications rather than ability) Toaster - defibrillator TOBP - Tired of Being Pregnant (especially patient demanding caesarian) Tontine Treatment - Urge to put pillow over face of irritating patient (alludes to a type of will called a "tontine") Tooth to Tattoo Ratio - Visual determination of basic intelligence. A positive ratio (more teeth then tattoos) is generally better than a negative ratio is bad. Torture Room - Intensive Care Unit (due to invasive tubes and monitors and experimental treatments). Tough stick - patient whose veins are hard to find when drawing blood Toxic Confusional State - Confused, usually elderly, person whose problem is due to constipation (toxic build up in body) Train Wreck - a person with more hospital visits/diagnoses then they have years of life Trambiclínica - (Brazil) a clinic staffed by medical students in order to maximise profits ("fraudulent clinic"). Trans-occipital implants - bullet wound to the head Trauma Gods - Mythological deities whom A&E personnel believe to be the cause of major emergencies Trauma Handshake - digital rectal examination - every major trauma patient gets one Treat ’n’ street - A&E's term for quick patient turnaround Trick cyclists - psychiatrists Trigger Happy - a medic that gives a shot [injection] for everything or patient that used call button excessively. TRO - Time ran out Trubufu - (Brazil) African-Brazilian obstetric patient (literally "fat, ugly black woman"). TSL - To Stupid to Live TSS - Toxic Sock Syndrome (often related to homeless) TTFO - Told To F*ck Off TTR - (UK) Tea Time Review (a ripping yarn?) TTOAST - Take Them Out and Shoot Them TTR - (US) Tattoo-to-Tooth Ratio (Dirtbag Ratio) TUBE - Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination (might happen to a GLM) Turf - get rid of patient by referring to another team (see also buffing, sloughing and bouncing) Turn and Baste - incontinence care (roll and clean up patient after a code brown) TWA - third world assassins. Slang for the allegedly poor medical care delivered by physicians who went to medical school in foreign countries Twitch - hypochondriac Two Dudes - a patient who was in a fight "Two dudes jumped me for no reason" (implying the patient would have one against one assailant) Two Stops Short of West Ham - (Psychiatry) Barking mad. Barking is slang for "mad" and also the name of a station; it is 4 stops from West Ham, but the psych slang follows the formula "2 sandwiches short of a picnic", "Tuppence short of a shilling" (simple-minded/nuts) - the deficit is alway 2 items. Severe madness is "Dagenham" i.e. "3 stops beyond Barking". TWSAM - Trash Will Survive And Multiply UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury UDI - Unidentified Drinking Injury UFO - Unidentified Frozen Object: unidentified dead homeless person in the winter Unclear medicine - nuclear medicine UNIVAC - Unusually Nasty Infection, Vultures are Circling UPF - Un-Passed Fart (gaseous distended abdomen) Urban Outdoorsman - Homeless person VAC - Vultures are Circling (dying) Vampires - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs (also slang for blood donor service) VD - Veak and Dizzy; older person feeling vaguely unwell and presents at ER at 2am complaining of feeling "weak and dizzy" Vedgy - a patient requiring intensive care, incapable of movement Vegetable garden - Coma ward Velcro - Family or friends accompanying patient everywhere Very Close Veins - varicose veins Viaggravation - what a doctor gets from a patient who is demanding erectile dysfunction medication on the NHS (not all areas of the UK provide this on NHS) VBT - Very Bad Thing VOMIT - Victim Of Modern Imaging Technology (i.e. try treating the patient, not the report from radiology; particularly referring to invasive procedures for false positives. VIP - Very intoxicated person Virgin Abdomen - patient that has never had abdominal surgery before and therefore has little intra-abdominal scarring Vitamin V - Diazepam Vitamin H - Haldol Vitamin P - Lasix (diuretic) given to stimulate urination (peeing) in post-operative patients VTMK - Voice To Melt Knickers (the voice deliberately cultivated by some doctors) WADAO - Weak And Dizzy All Over WAFTAM - ("woff-tam"): Waste Of F***Ing Time And Money Wall - a doctor who resists admitting patients at all costs Wallet Biopsy - (US) free medical test performed by hospital insurance department before patient is treated (UK) similar test in private health sector ward X - the morgue Weed Puller - Obstetrician White Mice - tampons Wig picker - therapist or psychologist Win the Game - to discharge all of the patients from your service, so that you have no inpatients (i.e. no ward rounds) next day. witch doctor - specialist in internal medicine WoGS - Wrath of God Syndrome (visited upon junior medics by more senior staff) Woolly jumper - any non-acute physician WNL - (Ambulance/casualty) Within Normal Limits, but more often interpreted as We Never Looked WNL - Will Not Listen; patient won't take medical advice Woolworth's Test - (UK anaesthesia) if you can imagine patient shopping in Woolies, it's safe to give a general anaesthetic WWI - Walking while intoxicated (and fell over) Wrinkly - geriatric YAVIS - Young, attractive, verbal, intelligent, successful. YMRASU - Your Medical Records Are Screwed Up YOYO - You're on your own; see "amyoyo" and "solomf yoyo" (also message passed from one doctor to another regarding problem/mystifying cases) Zebra - an unusually strange or unexpected disease (from the saying "When you hear hoofbeats, the smart money is on horses, not zebras") Zorro belly - (Brazil) patient who has had multiple abdominal surgeries. Note: Any dept ending in "-ology" is likely to be nicknamed "-holiday" by those working in busier depts. THE INFORMAL FAECAL HARDNESS SCALE As used in microbiology depts runs from "Hard as Bullets" (self-explanatory) to "Could go through the Eye of a Needle" (watery, no solids) with appropriate analogies inbetween.

Lets focus on this word. Theory. You think it should be this way. Problem. Thats not reality. Reality: You have delayed care of the patient you are responsible for and currently transporting. Thats bad. Thats reality.

Dont stop. Your comitted to your current patient(s). Unless case law changes, they continue to the hospital, not without contacting dispatch to let them know of the incident you came across. PRPG

[/font:b2a3cfa95e] NEVER EVER STOP! Time for a PRPG "I lived through this one" Scenario: MVC with multiple injuries. You are third ALS unit on scene, load priority trauma patient, and ground the patient approximate 21 miles to regional trauma center. During the trip, you pass through a small borough, well known for its rapidly shrinking speed limits in their speed traps. A officer attempts to stop you for doing 42 in a 25 mph speed zone. Do you continue? Or so you stop? Do you slow down and flip him off for not having the respect for human life to think twice about pulling over an ambulance? You continue to the hospital. He writes a ticket and screams alot when you both get there. You call his boss and speak professionally. He gets suspended and the ticket gets torn up. Moral: Regardless of their intent, the human life your transporting supercedes any sort of authority they are trying to assert. Also, someone in their department will have a cooler head to realize the mistake they made by creating a problem with another member of the public safety triad, and rectify it. Simply stated, it sets a poor precedent. Just my opinion, PRPG

Agreed. The purpose of the post was just the unusual nature of the apparatus, and an eye into what is potentially our future. However, considering the lack of even a clinical trial yet, its more just amusement than anything else.

http://www.defrance.org/artman/publish/article_1838.shtml The DRAGON DRUG GUN is a promising new patent-pending medical device utilizing pre-formatted disposable drug cartridges to save lives, time, medication and syringes, while decreasing human error. Designed by anesthesiologist Dr. John Lafferty of Miami, Florida, the DRAGON DRUG GUN was originally intended for emergency personnel. "I invented the Dragon to pump multiple drugs very rapidly into patients to save their lives," states Lafferty. "It's small and portable, so it can be used anywhere-by medics in Iraq, by doctors in the ER and the OR, or by EMTs at a car crash," says Lafferty. "In a triage situation with large numbers of sick or injured patients, the Gun will increase staff efficiency, since it can administer up to 6 drug cartridges from a single dispensing system. Because the Gun records the timing and dosage of meds, it's easy to track the medications given without having someone do that manually. This means that a relatively small number of medical personnel can treat a large number of patients with less risk of human error." More: www.dragondruggun.com *AHEM* Well this is different...

Vent, good post, however you completely missed my pointe. I understand and agree that we are our own problem when it comes to the expansion of education, however, when nursing is so against the expansion of across the board minimum education increases for EMS providers, does that correlate directly to EMS'ers inclusion in many ED's staffing models...?

...i have to suggest that utilization of EMS personnel in ED's might be why nurses are so against the progression of the education standards of EMS personnel...?

Ethilon is probibly safer these days... http://www.fda.gov/medwatch/SAFETY/2003/prolene.htm

Now were actually getting to the true root of the problem.

1. Well put Mike 2. RayEMT, please explain to us the steps of the assessment you perform in this "stroke center". I dont believe you, but as the kumbyyah nice guy i am, your getting the benefit of the doubt to shock me. Im hard to shock....go ahead :waits patiently:

...and now that you have moved to your second week of your EMS career, you should learn that just because these experienced medics didnt stop the "competition" and say " A....airway....airway is patent with no obstructions....B....breathing.....patient is breathing adequately at 18 times a minute with good tidal volume....clear lung..." didnt mean they didnt do it. Get the idea? Your first glance at a patient identifies a good majority of this "ABC's" and the next 5 seconds identifies the rest. A common statement of EMS providers is the first glance at a patient defines if they are ALS, or BLS. When you get to this level or proficiency in medical assessments as many of us have here on these boards, please feel free to repost your recant of this thread. Til then, your experience level has shown. Smile, nod, and learn from the people here,...you wont regret it, and you might begin to understand what we mean when we discuss this level of proficiency.

Addition: I recently began carrying a sharpie for Marking vein distention on trauma patients, and marking simple pulse points for hypovolemic / hypotensive patients.