Teaching Manners

[windsong]

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out,you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."

[MedicNorth]

LOL - I think I have waited for that train - never knew who to blame!

[Richard B the EMT]

Despite warnings from the pet store that it cursed a lot, a friend of mine bought a parrot, thinking he could train it out of the habit.

He tried, and tried, to retrain the bird not to curse, but after 2 months, when the bird made some indecent suggestions as to what my friend's spouse could do with herself, in a fit of anger, he grabbed the parrot, and threw it into the freezer.

After 10 minutes, he reopened the freezer door. The shivering bird then spoke politely to my friend, saying, "Sir, I do most humbly apologize for my previous behavior. I had not realized that by my behavior that I had offended you as deeply as I obviously had done. May I come out of the freezer now?"

"So you've learned your lesson?"

Sir, yes I have. May I go back to my perch?"

"Yes."

When the parrot resumed his perch, he then said, "Sir, I realize I am still in trouble with you, but I do have a question for you. I know what I did, but what did that poor turkey, that was also in the freezer, do?"

[JimH]

A woman buys a parrot, and before taking him home, the clerk confides that he was previously owned by a madam in a house of prostitution.

On getting him home, the lady takes the wrapping paper off the cage, and the parrot looks around the room, and says "New House"-

A few seconds later, the lady's daughter comes into the room, the parrot sees her and says "New House, New Girls"-

Just then the lady's husband walks into the room, and the parrot says, "Oh, hi Keith!"