what do you all think

[jtward01]

I suggest that you might think of meeting him. As you get older you may have questions of heredity, health, etc.. that only they can answer. Ridryder 911

Exactly. My parents divorced when I was three months old and I never met him. When I finally began to wonder about that side of the family it was too late, he had died. I wish now I had tried to locate him earlier. You have an opportunity here, don't waste it.

[Guest]

I stood in your shoes. I met the guy. He was a jerk. But oddly enough I'm not sorry that I did it. He was able to answer some questions for me, like where I came by certain traits and abilities. Although he and I didn't developed a relationship I do have a rather good relationship with my half siblings (from him) and their mother. They have indeed enriched my life.

I say go for it.

[Medic64]

My wife is going thru the same thing that you are. For 36 yrs she has lived life thinking "charles" was her father , since he was married to her mom when she was born. Charles drowned when she was 5 yrs old, so for the most part, she grew up without "daddy". However, 2 months ago, her life got turned upside down.

Her mom and "charles" were already married when she was conceived, but were seperated at the time, and the state they lived in has a law that says a couple must be legally seperated 12 months before they can file for divorce. Word is they had been seperated for a few months, but were still "seeing" each other, and apparently other people too.....

After her mom got pregnant, they got back together and all was well for a few yrs, but they again seperated when she was about 4 or 5. During this seperation is when he drowned, along with 2 other members of his family while fishing one day.

So, for the last 31 yrs now, she has lived life thinking her dad had died when she was a child. Never being told anything different.

2 months ago, her mother calls and tells us she is coming to visit that next weekend, and that she is bringing a friend with her. Ok, cool, whatever.

Weeeeeeeeeeelll, did we have a shocking revelation that weekend or what?

Turns out, her mother was also seeing another fella (lets call him Fred) during that first seperation, and has known all these years that there was no possible way "charles" was the father (based on a timeline thing ! ! ), but didnt feel it necessary to bring the truth out all these years. Nor did Fred, who was also married and seperated when the conception occurred, and has known all these years he was the father.

Now, the man is in his 60's, had never divorced his wife that he already had 4 kids with when he and mom had their thing. But, for some reason, he now wants to come clean and let the truth be known to all, including his wife (who has been in a nursing home for about 10 yrs) and his other 4 daughters, who of course are all grown, age ranges 39-48.

Over the past 2 months, it has been very interesting around my house, to say the least. Fred, is actually a pretty good fella, he makes no fake excuses for what he has done the last 31 yrs, and really doesnt seem to be wanting "forgiveness", but just wants the chance to be whatever he can be NOW.

All in all, I like the old guy. He seems sincere, and from what I can see so far, his intentions seem true. There is one thing though that really bothers me. Everytime he comes to visit, he brings gifts, either in the form of cash, gift cards, steaks, home decor, hell he even GAVE my 16 yr old son a pickup truck last week, a 2000 Ford Ranger that he no longer uses, free and clear, even replaced the windshield and put new brakes all around it. Last weekend he gives my wife a $300 Lowes Home Improvement giftcard just because he heard her say she wanted to replace our dishwasher with one of those new "stainless steel" jobs she has fell in love with...........

My problem is this--Part of me thinks he is trying to "buy" his way into her,and our childrens, lives. He has also changed his Will, according to what he is saying. Supposedly, when he dies, our 3 sons "inherit" roughly 100 acres of hunting land where he now lives.

I dont know whether to voice my opinions about this, or keep quiet.

The thing that pissed me off the worst about this whole thing is this:

Our youngest son was given her maiden name as his middle name. Well, to me, this is now a big lie because her maiden name IS NOT WHO SHE REALLY IS. Why didnt her mother tell us this when he was born, she knew the truth then, why allow us to do this to our baby boy? I guess mom is the one I am upset with the most.

Suggestions??

[Guest]

OK, I obviously don't know your wife, so I can only speak for myself. I wouldn't want my husband to voice his feelings at this point. I would want some time to figure things out for myself, and go to him when I was ready to throw his opinion in the mix. My experience in marriage is that my husband tends to be less trusting of people and wants to "fix" everything for me. When it comes to emotional issues I prefer when he just listens, unless I ask for an opinion or help "fixing" something. So I'd advise you not to say anything about feeling he may be trying to "buy" their love.

At the same time though, you should be honest with her about what you're feeling over your youngest son's name. Even though "Fred" has showed up in the picture it doesn't take away who Charles was in her life. The two of you should discuss how both of you feel about this issue.

[traumajunkiegirl83]

I have recently experienced a relatively similar experience to the original post on this thread. I was adopted as an infant, almost 22 years ago. I was lucky enough to have a relatively open adoption, to the effect that my birth mother sent me occasional letters and gifts. When I turned 18 I was dying to track down my birth family and meet them but I found out I had to be 21. So the years pasted and this past December, about a month after my 21st birthday, I got the phone call I have been waiting for my entire life, “Hi, you don’t know me, but I’m a friend of your birth mother.†I ended up meeting her and my four birth half brothers on this past Christmas Eve. It was an incredible experience. But even more incredible has been the relationship that I have built with the whole family. It hasn’t always been an easy experience but always rewarding. I even got to be present at the birth of my brother’s first child two weeks ago. From my personal experience, I would have to advise, take the risk, it could be worth an incredible reward. And even if you don’t build a relationship, you can have a lot of those questions answered.

[Eric]

well i called him a few mins ago and got vice mail will let you all know what happens next

[traumajunkiegirl83]

Good luck