Richard B the EMT

Why God made Paramedics

When God made paramedics, He was into His sixth day of overtime.
An angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?

A Paramedic has to be able to carry an injured person up a wet, grassy hill in the dark,
dodge stray bullets to reach a dying child unarmed,
enter homes the health inspector wouldn't touch,
and not wrinkle his uniform."

"He has to be able to lift three times his own weight.
Crawl into wrecked cars with barely enough room to move,
and console a grieving mother as
he is doing CPR on a baby he knows will never breathe again."

"He has to be in top mental condition at all times,
running on no sleep, black coffee and half-eaten meals,
and he has to have six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands...no way."
"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God replied.
"It's the three pairs of eyes a medic has to have."
"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.

God nodded. "One pair that sees open sores as he's drawing blood,
always wondering if the patient is HIV positive."
(When he already knows and wishes he'd taken that accounting job)

"Another pair here in the side of his head for his partner's safety.
And another pair of eyes here in front
that can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and say,
"You'll be alright ma'am when he knows it isn't so."

"Lord," said the angel, touching His sleeve, "rest and work on this tomorrow."
"I can't," God replied.
"I already have a model that can talk a 250 pound
drunk out from behind a steering wheel
without incident and feed a family of five on a private service paycheck."
The angel circled the model of the Paramedic very slowly.
"Can it think?" she asked.

"You bet", God said.
"It can tell you the symptoms of 100 illnesses;
recite drug calculations in it's sleep;
intubate, defibrillate, medicate, and continue CPR
nonstop over terrain that any doctor would fear...
and it still keeps it's sense of humor."

"This medic also has phenomenal personal control.
He can deal with a multi-victim trauma,
coax a frightened elderly person to unlock their door,
comfort a murder victim's family,
and then read in the daily paper how Paramedics were
unable to locate a house quickly enough,
allowing the person to die.
A house that had no street sign, no house numbers, no phone to call back."

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Paramedic.

"There's a leak," she from
"I DIDN'T PUT IT THERE" He said.

Author Unknown      

From multiple sources...

Why God made Paramedics

When God made paramedics, He was into His sixth day of overtime.
An angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?

A Paramedic has to be able to carry an injured person up a wet, grassy hill in the dark,
dodge stray bullets to reach a dying child unarmed,
enter homes the health inspector wouldn't touch,
and not wrinkle his uniform."

"He has to be able to lift three times his own weight.
Crawl into wrecked cars with barely enough room to move,
and console a grieving mother as
he is doing CPR on a baby he knows will never breathe again."

"He has to be in top mental condition at all times,
running on no sleep, black coffee and half-eaten meals,
and he has to have six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands...no way."
"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God replied.
"It's the three pairs of eyes a medic has to have."
"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.

God nodded. "One pair that sees open sores as he's drawing blood,
always wondering if the patient is HIV positive."
(When he already knows and wishes he'd taken that accounting job)

"Another pair here in the side of his head for his partner's safety.
And another pair of eyes here in front
that can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and say,
"You'll be alright ma'am when he knows it isn't so."

"Lord," said the angel, touching His sleeve, "rest and work on this tomorrow."
"I can't," God replied.
"I already have a model that can talk a 250 pound
drunk out from behind a steering wheel
without incident and feed a family of five on a private service paycheck."
The angel circled the model of the Paramedic very slowly.
"Can it think?" she asked.

"You bet", God said.
"It can tell you the symptoms of 100 illnesses;
recite drug calculations in it's sleep;
intubate, defibrillate, medicate, and continue CPR
nonstop over terrain that any doctor would fear...
and it still keeps it's sense of humor."

"This medic also has phenomenal personal control.
He can deal with a multi-victim trauma,
coax a frightened elderly person to unlock their door,
comfort a murder victim's family,
and then read in the daily paper how Paramedics were
unable to locate a house quickly enough,
allowing the person to die.
A house that had no street sign, no house numbers, no phone to call back."

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Paramedic.

"There's a leak," she pronounced.
"I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model."
"That's not a leak," God replied, "It's a tear."
"What's the tear for?" asked the angel.

"It's for bottled up emotions,
for patients they've tried in vain to save,
for commitment to that hope
that they will make a difference in a person's chance to survive, for life."
"You're a genius!" said the angel.

God looked somber.

"I DIDN'T PUT IT THERE" He said.

Author Unknown      

From civilians, usually, street side walk ups:

How fast does the truck go?

Why do you have "Ambulance" written backwards on the hood?

What is the worst call...? (already mentioned by Rock Shoes)

Why are you hanging out here? (referring to pre-positioning/"staging" of the ambulances between assignments)

Although I only knew him from the EMT City website, he seemed to be a good guy, fairly knowledgeable on numerous topics.
Condolences to his family, the extended family of his co-workers, and the extended family of the EMT City who knew him.

From Richard C. Berger,

Retired, Fire Department New York EMS.

Both anecdotally and documented, "Junkies" have exhibited violent tendencies towards someone who ruins their "high" with Narcan. Unlike EMTs and Paramedics, First Responder Firefighters, and civilians (read as friends and family), LEOs have the equipment, training, and perhaps the most important of all, the authorization to "handle" such attempts at violence.

Many is the times I have told new members of the City, to clarify why they feel another's statements are wrong, not to use the concept of the individual being some kind of jerk to post whatever statement (s)he disagrees with. 

Lurk...Lurk...Lurk

My EMS agency had, and has,  "Staging" at various street corners as the rule, not the exception, hence, we're "already out on the street". A car is always easier to get through traffic than any design of ambulance, because it's smaller, also, if PD "gets there first", it's because there are more Police "Cruisers" then Ambulances.

Welcome Aboard, from a retiring EMT who was active from 1973.

Trackmedic, sunny, low chance of rain this evening. temps in the mid 80s, possibly going ingto 90s.

It seems the three wise (guy) men want to confirm the site is working, anyway....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdTRq3lxnXA

I bought a talking parrot.

The pet shop sales associate warned me the bird cursed a lot, but I said I believed I could break him of the habit.

When I got the bird home, he started cursing, using language that would come from the US Navy locker room when losing to US Army, and could probably even make a US Marine Corps Drill Sargent blush!

I kept telling him to be nice, stop saying those things, but he kept cursing. Finally, when he accused my girlfriend of being a prostitute, and calling her the "C" word, my girlfriend grabbed him by the neck, and threw him into the refrigerator!

He was in there for about 5 minutes, when I opened the refrigerator door.

"Sir? Ma'am", the bird said, "I most deeply apologize for my language, and formally guarantee I'll never curse again. I've learned my lesson."

We accepted his apology.

"I do have a question, if I may?" the bird continued.

"What did that poor turkey in the refrigerator do to deserve what happened to him?"

To all EMTs, Paramedics, Law Enforcement Officers, Fire Fighters, and Security Officers in the US, Happy Independence Day, this 4th Of July.

Watch out for, and please don't be, the idiots who celebrate the 4th with a 5th.

Be extra cautious today, as those who hate us, because we are not of them, plan nastiness on us. Scene Awareness, to whatever top level youze guyz have!

Congrats. Presuming mom, baby and dad are all now all right.

I have just been informed of the death of Meghan Gormley, former member of the Glendale Volunteer Ambulance Corps, of Queens County, NYC, NY. She was the daughter of Ed and Kathy Gormley, themselves former members of the now defunct Peninsula Volunteer Ambulance Corps of the Rockaways, Queens County, NYC, NY.

In 2001, only 5 days after the September 11th Attack on America, Ms. Gormley, and 2 other volunteer EMTs from other areas of New York State, using loaned equipment from other, established First Aid Drill Teams, at the convention of the New York State Volunteer Ambulance and Rescue Association, distinguished themselves by winning several awards during the convention's First Aid competitions. The impromptu team called themselves "City Meets Country".

It is of note that the 3 EMTs had never met each other, or trained together as a team, prior to the convention, showing how all EMTs can pull together when we need to.

Ms. Gormley reportedly passed from complications of MS and Diabetes.

When funeral details become available, I will cross-post them.

Island, was that another one of those "...and then the fight started" jokes?

Is the job with an orchestra or EMS related? Either way, good luck!

Who are you again?

We seem to be getting a few repeats, here.

Normal, straight forward patients? What parallel universe are you from, ERDoc?

Don't worry!

Either you're going to be healthy, or sick.

If you're healthy, no problem.

If you're sick, you'll either get better or die.

If you get better, no problem.

If you die, You're either going to go to Heaven or Hell.

If you go to Heaven, no problem.

If you go to Hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with old friends, you won't have time to worry!

We STILL say that here in NYC!

Back in the 1960s, and into the early 1970s, NASA delivered the late President Kennedy's objective of getting and returning a man to the Moon. What they held secret for all these years is, the astronauts found insect life on the moon, some of which were brought back.

Unfortunately, some of the bugs escaped! They seem to come out of hiding during a full moon.

What? You've never heard of Lunar Tics?

By the way, Happy Saint Patrick's Day to all Irish, and all who are Irish for the day!

I get the feeling NOBODY uses the chat BECAUSE they can't access the room.

WEBMASTER!?!?

My neighborhood Sasquatch is missing. Police are looking for the last to possibly see him :the Neighborhood Yeti.

Nimoy lived long, and he prospered!