emswife

I just thought I'd give a bit of perspective as to how a lot of these shows about ems are perseived by those of us that don't actually work in ems (though I have an obvious connection that provides a little insight). I think that the people like you that do this job are "wired" differently than say the average Joe that is being targeted by this show. I remember a former coworker of my husband's saying that the reason they can do and see the things they see on the job (this was in reference to a bad accident where someone's brains were literally all over the road) and continue to want to do the job, is because they don't find the "guts", etc. necessarily disturbing, that they can look at that and go "wow, now that's interesting", where the average person would be tossing their cookies. That said, there is a lot about your job that the public would find to be a turn off, if it was realistically portrayed. But, boy do they want to romanticize about it. That's all these shows are, romantic fantasies for the average person. The studios know that, if the realities of your profession were really what the public wanted, then they'd give them that too. I don't think you guys are the target audience for this, but I do sympathize with the trouble the misconceptions may cause you. Perception is everything. But, I do have to say I have always thought the lead actor is cute (sorry honey)... Come on Dust, not even Alyssa? :shock: What if the t-shirt she wore was very tight and she didn't wear a bra? Would you still care about the storyline? I say forget the story, just stare at her chest like your supposed to.

Oh, how I wanted a tree house when I was a kid! But sadly, no, I didn't do that. TPBM can burp the alphabet

I hope that your time there is short and uneventful, and thank you for your service to this country! Here's to your safe return... :occasion5:

I agree with the previous post. Communication is very important for your marriage. And yes, strong, lasting friendships are often forged between the people that do this line of work. I am the spouse of a paramedic, we've been married nearly sixteen years. It has not always been easy, but now I'm used to all the craziness. Sometimes it is hard to see how close he is with the people he works with, sometimes I'm a little jealous. It can get a little hairy when these friendships occur between the opposite sex, and since it is your wife in E.M.S., she is more likely to have those types of friendships since there are usually more men than women in this field. It is very important that in spite of the closeness that your wife feels with her co-workers, that she reserve a deeper level of intimacy with you, and I don't just mean physical. Whenever she chooses to share a part of herself with someone else, she needs to make sure that it is not making it so that she does not share it with you too. And if it is matter of choosing who to confide, etc. in, you should be her first choice. Just because you are not in E.M.S. (an assumption I'm making based on the info in your post), does not mean you cannot be supportive. And it is very important that you be supportive. Her job takes a big toll on her at times, and you need to be the soft place she lands. Be each other's first priority, and be supportive to each other in your individual endeavors. Don't let all the bad things you hear about her job ruin your relationship (i.e. infidelity), it doesn't have to be that way. By the way, you sound hot...can I have your number? LOL

Emtek, don't let anyone make you feel like you should feel guilty for what you are doing. It sounds to me like you are trying to help your husband understand, otherwise you would not have even bothered to seek guidance in the first place. Since he did know before you married that this is what you wanted to do, you deserve his support now. It sounds as if you were very young when you married and started your family. You do not have to stop where you are now and never pursue anything else, that's how people stagnate. Other people in E.M.S. can give you their perspective based on their experiences (whether they have been able to make relationships work or not), but it is from the E.M.S. spouse side. I am on the other side, I am the spouse that often spends holidays without my significant other, I am the spouse that often goes to bed alone, I am the spouse that has spent years working to put together my career choice in spite of my husband's crazy schedule, being the rock of the family. Basically, that is what it will come down to for you and your husband. Can he balance with your schedule? Is he willing to contribute that much to the marriage, to your family? Can you make your relationship with him your first priority? I've been married for nearly sixteen years now, and now I couldn't imagine any other lifestyle. In the beginning it was very hard, it seemed like I didn't see my husband for days, like I was a single parent. But it can get better, better positions come along, better hours (but you need to look for them). It does seem like a lot of people in E.M.S. that have families eventually leave the private E.M.S. companies and find positions with counties or state agencies (usually better pay and hours)....I don't know about where you live if these are options. It's up to you to be a spouse worth all this effort (and it will take a lot of effort from him). It's not going to be easy, but the two of you can do it, keep talking. P.S. Dust, I really don't know what happened in your relationships, but I'm sorry that they have made you so unhappy. Things don't really have to be about deal brakers (so black and white), etc. Relationships take a lot of compromise, the ability to change and grow together, especially when people marry so young.

I don't believe the original author of this thread does not take her vows seriously. I recall my vows to love, honor, and cherish, to forsake all other until death do us part. I don't recall give up your dreams and work some meaningless job being a part of it. Marriage would be a very sad thing to be in if that was the case. The author is merely trying to pursue a career in something she would actually enjoy doing, and it may not make the family rich, but it will certainly contribute to the family income. As to why the husband has not pursued what he wants to do, I have not heard a response back from the author as to why this hasn't happened. I certainly hope he finds something he wants to do and can find a way to do it. While their obligations to their family is obviously the first priority here, there does not have to necessarily be a conflict of interest, and I don't think any of us know enough about the situation to accurately determine that for them. This woman is not a piece of property, she is a person with dreams, ambitions, and needs, and they are as important as her husband's needs, etc. And as far as what her husband thought he was getting into when he married her, well, I don't recall that being addressed either. Maybe he knew what she wanted to do when he married her. Would it be fair for him to change now? I'd really like to hear an update from the original author on all these issues. P.S. My husband didn't know he wanted to be in e.m.s. until after we married, but I sure am glad he found something he really enjoys doing in spite of that. And it's really nice to know that in spite of the fact that it has taken until my getting into my thirties for me to finally pursue my career ambitions, my husband will support me as I go through school. I think I'll keep him.

I guess I might as well throw in my two cents on this one too. As for what to do for your wife, the best I can recommend is draw a line when it comes to how often you work. Your wife knew about the type of schedule you worked when she married you, this isn't new. Maybe the problem lies in the extra hours (unexpectedly covering for a friend, or o.t.) You two need to come to an agreement as how to broach these subjects. Maybe she thought you two were going to get to do something together when she found out that you made a decision to cover someone, maybe she was irritated that you didn't ask if she may have had plans that your decision affected. Usually my husband tries to contact me first before he does anything like that just to make sure it doesn't create any problems for me. Your wife is your first priority, not doing a favor for a friend. Just give her the consideration of making sure it is alright with her too, as it does affect her as well. Maybe that gesture is enough, it would give her a little more control over this crazy lifestyle. Your wife is your partner, not your follower, treat her how your would want to be treated.

Some of the responses I have read on this thread made me very sad, and prompted me to write on this subject again. I don't post very often, mostly I visit this sight to get a little understanding about a part of my husband's life that I don't really participate in very much. Maybe my husband is different than most, I don't know, but he really doesn't talk about his work at home very much. I've always gotten the impression that our home is an escape from the ugliness that he is unfortunately exposed to in his line of work. I know that he loves his job, he's been doing it for a long time, but he has always drawn a line between work and home. Don't get me wrong, I find what he does interesting, and I am very proud of him, but he just seems to leave it at work, and I respect how he feels. I think that is where it all boils down to, respect. Bait and switch, spouses that don't understand because they aren't in the line of work, whatever...People are a work in progress their entire lives, and should always have the opportunity to grow. Just because we marry doesn't mean we have to stop what we are doing or give up dreams, marriage is a choice to share two lives together. I think people need to be as up front as possible before marrying, and choices that affect the lifestyles, etc. of the couple should be made jointly. However, spouses should always be as supportive as possible to each other, they need to know what is really important, and that is each other's happiness, not cars, new furniture, or dinner on the table at 6:00 p.m. every night. To be the spouse of an ems worker does require a lot of patience and understanding, and the ems spouse needs to keep their priorities straight, go home to the wife/husband, treat them like a friend (not like some idiot who just doesn't understand), and don't let all the nonsense that permeates the ems work environment (infidelity, partying with the guys cause they understand, etc.) lead you in the wrong direction. I've seen a lot of marriages destroyed because the spouses become so self absorbed, so concerned about what the other is not doing or giving, and forgetting about what they do or give. Communicate, respect each other, be patient, grow as a person, and nurture the love you have for each other. I'm so sorry for those of you who have been hurt, but I hope that each of you find the person that can feel that way for you, and that you can return those feelings. Your jobs don't make it impossible. Just a little harder. You have to stay open to the possibility.

I'm very glad you found the courage to sit down and have an honest discussion between the two of you. It's not always easy, sometimes you're afraid you'll make matters worse, only it's usually the opposite. Don't be afraid to pursue your dream, if he truly loves you, then he will ultimately respect you more for doing so. I hope he finds the courage to pursue his dream, sometimes insecurities hold us back from doing so, just be as encouraging as you can be for him. It's not always easy working with the schedule of an EMS spouse, especially if there are children involved. I have spent many long drawn out years pursuing my educational and career dreams, trying to be the stable one for the kids. It can be frustrating at times, but I will accomplish my goals, it may take a little longer is all. Alot of people spend most of their lives working jobs they hate, and that makes me sad for them. Each of you need to work at your marriage; you are partners, equal and whole. No other relationship should ever come before the one you have with your spouse, it is the foundation you have laid for everything else to come. Don't get too caught up in all the negative relationship talk you'll hear in regards to your job (high divorce rate, affairs, etc.); relationships can and do work for alot of people in your line of work, and the reasons for that stuff isn't necessarily related to the job. Just keep talking, don't be afraid of letting each other know if something is bothering one of you, or if you feel neglected. Stay connected, and good luck.

I found myself wondering what it is that your husband does for a living. Could he feel threatened by your job? Does it makes him feel inadequate? Could he be unhappy with what he does, and resent you finding something you enjoy making a living at? Men can be funny when it comes to issues of provider roles. If he is unhappy with what he does, is there something he wants to do and just needs a nudge? I don't know enough about his situation to know why your job makes him insecure. Maybe him being more involved would help, and you a little less involved...Marriage is a crazy balancing act, with lots of ups and downs, and sometimes a marriage makes it just because you weathered it out in down times. I've always seen my marriage as a work in progress, and what I get out of it correlates with what I give, and I try to tell my husband if there is something I need from him that I'm not getting. And he's seen enough of his friend's marriages go south that he makes our marriage his first priority. Make sure you talk to him about how his comments make you feel, he may not realize it bothers you so much because at the moment he's being a little self absorbed. Don't let it bottle up. If after trying to talk things through, you can't seem to find an understanding that makes you both happy, then maybe you should consider counseling. I know from my experience, the spouse does not need to understand your job, they don't even need to relate to it, they just need to respect you and what you have chosen to do with your life. They need to be there when you need them, and know when you might need to talk to others who might understand their experiences better. And the same is true for you.

I have been a non-ems wife for more than a dozen years. In the beginning it was hard to adjust, especially if his schedule and my schedule kept us from seeing must of each other for several days. But I have always felt grateful that he likes what he does for a living, because alot of people don't. I couldn't imagine my husband doing anything else now, and I'm just used to the crazy hours (which I now look at as "me" time to do my thing). Give it time, lots of time, and understand it may be a rough adjustment for him. Make the most of the time you spend together, let him know your love for your job is not something he needs to compete with. I think the negative comments are just a cry for attention, don't let them get to you too much, just give him a kiss, tell him you love him, and answer the call. Good luck!