You know you need report writing 101 when...

[bloodbath1571]

These are from actual charts. This was an exercise we did in my English class. (We had to change the sentences so that they actually made sense.)

1. The patient refuse autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states that she was very hot in bed last night.

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her side for over a year.

7. On the second day the knee was better and on the third it disappeared.

8. The patient was tearful and crying constantly. She also appears depressed.

9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

10. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She in numb from her toes down.

13. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

16. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for therapy.

17. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

[Richard B the EMT]

While old, and from multiple sources, it is still funny.

[Lone Star]

I once saw a first aid book that listed one of the treatments for snake bite was to "rape the victom for shock".....

yeah, I'm thinkin that would just about do it.......