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MAGICFITZPATRICK

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Posts posted by MAGICFITZPATRICK

    The First Law of EMS

    in Funny Stuff

    Posted

    The First Law of EMS:

    All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, without regard to the time.

    The Law of Time:

    1. There is absolutely no relationship between the time at which you are supposed to get off shift and the time at which you will get off shift.

    The Law of Gravity:

    Any instrument, when dropped, will always come to rest in the least accessible place possible

    The Law of Time Versus Distance:

    The distance of the call from the Hospital increases as the time to shift change decreases

    The Rule of Random Syncronicity:

    Emergency calls will randomly come in all at once.

    The Law of Respiratory Arrest:

    All patients who are vomiting and must be intubated will have just completed a large meal of Barbecue and Onions, Garlic Pizza, and Pickled Herring, all of which was washed down with at least three cans of Beer.

    The Basic Principle for Dispatchers:

    Assume that all field personnel are idiots until their actions prove your assumption.

    The Basic Principle for Field Personnel:

    Assume that all dispatchers are idiots until their actions prove your assumption.

    The Axiom of Late Night Runs:

    If you respond to any Motor Vehicle Accident call after Midnight and do not find a drunk on the scene, keep looking: somebody is still missing.

    The Law of Options:

    Any patient, when given the option of either going to Jail or going to the Hospital by a Police Officer, will always be inside the Ambulance before you are.

    The Other Rules of Equipment:

    Interchangeable parts don't

    Leak proof seals will

    Self-starters won't.

    The First Law of Ambulance Operation:

    No matter how fast you drive the Ambulance when responding to a call, it will never be fast enough, until you pass a Police Cruiser, at which point it will be entirely too fast. Unless you are responding to an"Officer Down" call then it is physically impossible to be travelling fast enough!

    EMS Bathroom Rules:

    If a call is received between 0500 and 0700, the location of the call will always be in a Bathroom.

    If you have just gone to the Bathroom, no call will be received.

    If you have not just gone to the Bathroom, you will soon regret it.

    The probability of receiving a run increases proportionally to the time elapsed since last going to the Bathroom

    The Law of Triage:

    In any accident, the degree of injury suffered by a patient is inversely proportional to the amount and volume of agonized screaming produced by that patient.

    The Gross Injury Law:

    Any injury, the sight of which makes you want to puke, should immediately be covered by 4x4's and Kerlix

    The Law of Light:

    As the seriousness of any given injury increases, the availability of light to examine that injury decreases

    The Law of Space:

    The amount of space which is needed to work on a patient varies inversely with the amount of space which is available to work on that patient.

    EMS Relativity:

    The number of distraught and uncooperative relatives surrounding any given patient varies exponentially with the seriousness of the patient's illness or injury.

    The Theory of Weight:

    The weight of the patient that you are about to transport increases exponentially by the number of floors which must be ascended to reach the patient and the number of floors which must be descended while carrying the patient.

    Corollary 1: Very heavy patients tend to gravitate toward locations which are furthest from mean sea level.

    Corollary 2: If the patient is heavy, the elevator is broken, and the lights in the stairwell are out

    The Rule of Warning Devices

    Any Ambulance, whether it is responding to a call or traveling to a Hospital, with Lights and Siren, will be totally ignored by all motorists, pedestrians, and dogs which may be found in or near the roads along its route.

    Corollary 1: Ambulance Sirens can cause acute and total, but transient, deafness.

    Corollary 2: Ambulance Lights can cause acute and total, but transient, blindness.

    The Law of Rules:

    As soon as an EMS Rule is accepted as absolute, an exception to that Rule will immediately occur.

    ACR (comments) writing

    in Patient Care

    Posted

    Yes this is what Im talking about...more pleas.

    ....yes I have to say how I found the Pt.They start us off in transport first.They want to see if you can handel (fragile eggs).I transport the oldest sickest people out of E Rs to either nursing homes or hospice care.They die very easily if not properly transported.

    They want anal reporting on the comments part.They told me....if you didn't write it you didn't do it.

    ACR (comments) writing

    in Patient Care

    Posted

    I'm still not confident in my comments section of my ACR writing.I was looking for some examples of generic Comment structures......or if anyone would like to tell me how they learned how to write the comments section.

    Does any one know of an ACR writing link?My ACR's are 95% check boxes.I'm just trying to get a nice narrative down in my comments.This is how I would write a sample ACR(below).With each Patient I would change some of the info.I'm looking for a better skeleton structure.Give me all your tips and thought process on how you approach you comments section.

    Example

    60 y/o male found in hospital bed with rails up awaiting txp to xyz nursing home

    Pt states no chief complaints Pt is stable at this time PE revels + ABC -SOB

    - JVD +PEARL =L/S =B/L - ABD pain SND NTxQUADS + PMSx4 EXT

    - BLEEDING - ECCHYMOSIS - EDEMA TXP pt in POC WOI to nursing home

    Sorry I could now make the actual circles around the + and - for you.

    FDNY EMT Salary

    in General EMS Discussion

    Posted

    I see them at the E R all the time.They say that you start off with low pay but if you work OT you can get a fatter paycheck.One guy said he made about $40.000 give or take his first year.He also said ''I was so burnt out I all most quite"...he didn't want to say no for the fear of getting fired.

    P.S He was just a random FDNY-EMT I bumped into so I don't know if he was blowing smoke up my #$@

    Working with fire

    in General EMS Discussion

    Posted

    I believe you are making things too difficult. Just do your job, and don't worry about whom or the ranks. The old addage the "chief's will find you" is true. Usually, if it is a large situation, I look for the "white helmet" or one that is not doing anything, that is usually the one in charge.

    Good luck,

    R/r 911

    AHHHHHHH HAHAAH You are so right on that one.

    FDNY EMS at Bronx Fire

    in General EMS Discussion

    Posted

    You know, I apologize if anyone really takes offense at this video. Granted, there were some disturbing images, adn yeah, the cameraman was being a dick, but honestly, when I viewed it I didn't think it was any worse than anything I've seen on COPS.
    You can do no wrong in my eyes...You are NYC EMS!!!

    It started as a daring escape bid and ended with............

    in General EMS Discussion

    Posted

    Oh, I don't know. I think it was a legitimate question. The article you cited has little to do with EMS. Sure, EMS is mentioned. But it's only in passing and as a side note. EMS has nothing to do with the particular topic of the article, specifically that of those morons trying to escape from prison. As such, in the context in which you presented it, it doesn't belong in the EMS discussion forum.

    Now, had you used your brain and presented the article with a question about how to handle such a scenario that would have been different. But you didn't. If I remember correctly, improper presentation seems to be a recurring theme with your posts. Didn't you learn after the first three or four times you were called on that?

    Unfortunately, demonstrated enthusiasm is only outweighed by demonstrated ignorance. Perhaps when you're ready to grow up and discuss things like a grown-up you can come back to the adult's table. :roll: :roll: :roll:

    EMS may not be the right line of work for you.

    The dead has risen again....West Coast Style!!

    in General EMS Discussion

    Posted

    This sounds more like he walked up to the guy and was too lazy to do anything else "because he was a bum".

    If he'd done his job correctly it would have been fine.

    And I agree with the above statement. If I ever did this, I'd be fired on the spot. Why is he even allowed to protect the citizens of that town when he's too lazy to perform his duties?

    I get that same feeling!

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