Neesie

I for one sure would rather work with someone .... and have them work on me for that matter... if they are depressed, etc and are on medication if need be rather than have someone who is depressed, etc and NOT taking something. These drugs, if taken properly, are meant to make you "back to normal" for a lack of better terms.

If someone is depressed and not taking medication, they are more impaired than anyone taking meds. They have an altered mental status because they are unable to think clearly and concentrate on what needs to be done.

I think it is very unfair for someone to judge another person (especially when they don't know them) and classify them as "undesirable" because they are on medication. Instead, they should look at these people as responsible individuals who have realized they need help and have gone to get that help.

Saskatchewan also has oilfield jobs that pay very well...and you don't have to be ACP registered. Not sure if they take EMR's but they do take EMT/PCP up

Thought I would pop in here and let everyone know how things are after you were all so great to me. This past week and a half since that call have been hard. I never did go to a debriefing however, things are definately getting better for me. I did talk to a professional which I think helped seeing as it was a one on one and I didn't have to feel like everyone was staring at me or being judgmental (Deep down inside I know they wouldn't be because they probably felt the same, it is just a fear I had). But most of all I honestly think that coming here was the best thing I could have done. You all helped me out so much because you are all "real" EMS people who have all gone through the same thing.

As for an update on the symptoms i was having....I do still think about it alot, but I am able to sleep much better at night now. I am still having a bit of a hard time talking about it sometimes.....I do still get choked up a bit, but I think it will all go away. I am certainly feeling a lot better about it anyway.

So with that said...THANK YOU for all of your help.

Denise

Well, apparently I missed the defriefing. It was at the RCMP station but they didn't tell us when it was going to be. However, I did go and talk to someone today. I explained how I felt...or don't feel may be a better way to say it. It was very hard for me to sit there and admit that I am possibly needing help with something. What everyone may not understand is that I have a very hard time with admitting that I need help. I feel that I will be looked at as a failure because I can't deal with something. Anyway, it was a very big step for myself.

He said that he wants to keep an eye on me because I am having a hard time falling asleep and that I keep running the call through my head constantly. I do have a habit of reliving a call in my head, especially if it was a trauma or a code however, I have never sat here and thought about it every minute of the day. I think that it is just my way of trying to process it so I can put it behind me.

I want to thank all of you. I honestly think that talking to all of you has really helped me more than anything. Just letting me know that it is all normal to feel the way I have is reassuring. Maybe I am not going crazy after all.

I will keep an eye on things and if they get worse, I will get more help. I think I just need some time.

Thanks. It was good. THere are definately things that I can relate to in that. I am going today to talk to my supervisor. This may be worse than anything for me because I hate to admit that something may be wrong....that I am "broken" so to speak. However, I will bite the bullet and take the plunge. I am going to talk to him and I will let you know how things went. If I am unable to get into that cisd session, he is the next best thing because he is trained in that as well, plus he showed up at the accident too.

Oh no, I was there. I did all of that. I am just saying for it to be ptsd, don't you have to be there to actually see her being hit by the truck? I mean, I was there after she was hit, and worked her all the way to the hospital, then did cpr the whole time at the hospital. I just didn't actually see her getting hit. Don't you have to witness the actual event for it to be classified as ptsd?

Thank you....for the kick in the ass. I will see when they have scheduled this thing and I will go. I agree and understand...I was the one who asked for help...I guess I have to suck it up and accept the help. I have a hard time accepting help from others. I think my initial post was more just to talk than anything, but you all have been very supportive and like I have said before, I really do appreciate it.

I will let you know how things went. Thanks again.

I do have one question though. How can this be ptsd if I didn't actually see it happen. I mean don't you actually have to see the incident or experience it yourself for it to be ptsd?

i am not exactly sure why it is that I am so against going to a cisd. I have never been to one before..not have I ever needed to (never had a call bad enough to need it)

Maybe I am just afraid that when I get there, I won't be able to tell them how I am feeling because I honestly don't know how I feel. Sometimes I don't feel anything and feel bad for that. Other times I think I feel worse than what I should. And to actually use a word that describes how I feel.....I can't. I don not know what I feel.

What does that all mean? Am I a heartless bitch or a drama queen?

As time goes on, (it has been 3 days), I am flooded with mixed sensations (can't say feelings). I cry at the drop of a hat some times, then not at all when I think i should. I have had some anxiety attacks really for no apparent reason. My walls are cleaner than the day I moved in. And I am sick to my stomach and can't eat one minute, then am fine the next.

I seriously think I am just nutso.....

All of your advise/thoughts are appreciated wholeheartedly. I know there was nothing more that we could do for her. Infact we probably did CPR more for our own sakes and the families sake more than anything. It would have been really sad if we had got her back because she would have had no quality of life (with the brain matter and all) I honestly don't know how I am feeling about the call. I know that I see her face all the time, especially at night, I can see her breathing on scene and then all of a sudden stop...I think about her family and then I think about my own son. My stomach is upset and my eyes are getting really sore from crying. Tonight at work was especially bad for me. I dread getting another call...of any kind right now. However, I am going on 6 days off starting this morning...I think that will help just to get away from here. Now I feel like people will judge me if I go to a debriefing and if I don't go. Am I in a state of paranoia?

Anyway, as I said, I really don't know what the emotion is that I am feeling. I have tried, but I can't put a word or an expression to how I feel. Am I going crazy? Am I heartless because I can't do that?

Thank you all for your concerns and comments. It really has helped to listen to what you have to say.

I would like to thank all of you for your support. I appreciate everything that you all have said but to be honest with you, I wish I hadn't said anything. I actually feel worse than I did before. Not only for talking about it here, but my manager cornered me today and brought a lot of feelings to the surface. I cried in his office...which I hate to do, and reading all of your posts have made me cry again. This is the reason I don't want to talk about it. I don't like to cry, I don't like to look weak. Not saying that people who cry are weak, I just feel that way for myself. If I don't talk about it, it will go away, I won't cry and won't look weak. (or feel weak)

Thank you again for your support. I know that I have friends here who care...which almost makes it harder, but I do appreciate all of you.

Denise

Oh, and I am a 35 yr old female. I will try to change that on my profile. Not sure how I ended up being a male with no age....

I have been told that I need to talk to someone and seeing as I am not comfortable talking to people in person because I fall apart as soon as I do, I thought I would come here and talk to someone. Any advise on how to handle this would be appreciated.

A couple of days ago I was the primary attendant on a call that involved a 3 yr old girl who had been run over by a vehicle. On arrival lots of bystanders and family screaming and crying. A bystander was holding c-spine. Deformity to the head was noted, one eye was shut the other was bulging out. Brain matter by her ear and blood pouring out of her ear. She was breathing on scene initially then stopped. We started CPR right away, put her in a ked and transported to the hospital. We worked her for quite a while at the hospital but she was pronounced. My manager wants me to go to a debriefing but I really don't want to go. I have never been to one and I really don't want the first on to be where I am bawling my eyes out infront of everyone. Apparently police, coroner and whoever else is having a debriefing. If I should go, what would I expect?

I feel that if I just leave it alone, it will go away. I don't want to talk to anyone about it. I do have a hard time sleeping because I keep running the call through my head and I keep seeing that little girls face. I keep thinking about her family and how I would feel if I had lost my son.

I honestly don't know what to do. people keep asking if I am ok....I just wish they would stop.

That's awesome!! CONGRATS

Up until now, Saskatchewan has not had a registration fee. However, they are developing the Saskatchewan college of paramedics and it appears that in 2008 there will be a fee of $175.00 For services such as mine (and I believe we are the only one) we have alberta fees of $325.00 and now Saskatchewan fees of $175.00. That will be $500.00 we have to pay just to be allowed to work. And the bad thing is that comes out of OUR pockets. We have to subsidies reimbursements at work. It is a heafty fee for us that work full time never mind the part timers. No incentive for them to keep working. (Most of our partimers don't work much so it is a huge fee for them to pay. Some of them probably don't make that much in 6 months.)

I think the fee is ridiculous in AB. Especially now with the on line con-ed. They don't even have the expenses of having to send it out by mail anymore. How come the incredible increase in fees???

Actually, as a SK PCP we can transport with antimicrobials and blood products, we can administer ASA, nitro, activated charcoal, oral glucose, epi pen......it has been a long time since I have followed the protocols for sk....I think that is all. Correct me if I am wrong.

We had a pt that was sprayed with bear spray. Apparently it keeps bears away. Anyway he was screaming in pain because it was all over his face and in his eyes. We rain salin into his eyes which seemed to help a bit but when he was at the hospital, they threw him in the shower. He said the water was way too hot but really it was quite cold. He said it burned when he was in the shower. Sooo it must react to water. Just interested if anyone one knows anything about it or how to treat it.

When I was in school, an "older guy" we had as a student thought putting the initials S.T.D. would be a cool thing to put on our shirts.....he was thinking it stood for Sometimes They Die....not the STD everyone else knows it as....needless to say, we don't have that on our shirts.

Dutchess Brebner here.....

Hey AK. Best of luck for the next year. Stay safe..make sure you do a lot of running while in training. Makes it easier to run right past the guy in front of you!! You don't want to be the guy in last. Take care all the way from Canada and know that we will all be thinkig of you. All of you who go over there are very brave and honorable people.

I love my job! Some of the ups for me are being able to help someone, even if all I can do is hold the hand of a crying 88 yr old man for comfort as he is being taken to another hospital post CVA. An up is when a 40 yr old female walks into your office to pay a bill and says thank you for saving her life after she went into cardiac arrest and you brought her back. An up is when you can give an IV and administer D50W to a diabetic patient and within seconds they are becoming coherent and begin to talk to you and say thank you instead of F-Off.

Some downs are like the call we just did last night...a 14 yr of boy who went into cardiac arrest and we COULD NOT bring him back. Dealing with the families in such a case really stinks. A down is when you are flying out a 45 yr old man who has a subdural hematoma and you watch his wife and children say goodbye to him and that they will see him in a few hours but when they get there, they only get to see him in the morgue. A down is when you have a 24 yr old pt in extreme pain because he got his had caught in drill press with the bit still in his hand and you can't do a damn thing about his pain.

These are a few of the ups and downs of EMS for me. It can be very rewarding but just around the corner it can be very disheartening.

NOPE! not on the news. And NOPE...no hemostats

I posted this somewhere else and realized that I wanted it on here instead! lol Anyway, incase you haven't seen this pic yet, this is a guy we picked up last week that ran into a barbwire fence while riding his quad approx 100km/hr. Doctor can't explain why he is alive, never mind still has his head attached OR even talking. He severed both jugulars in this accident.

I thought it was pretty cool

How come you only have 1 patch on??? lolWhat happened to the other one?

I will guess that on June 21 2006 at 1945 hrs we will have 7000 members ;)/

Well, I am not much for staying in just ONE place so I chose to live on the alberta/saskatchewan border. It can cause some problems for us but it does have some benefits as well. I finished my PCP just over 2 years ago and have been working at the service I am at right now for 3 years.

Guess we have enough Canadians on here to get our OWN place to gather!! COOL!

PRPG - if you don't like these posts, PLEASE feel free to not comment on them. Nobody is making you reply.

As for the other things that have been stated on here. Yes...I agree. Everyone should do their jobs and not worry about their job title. If you read my original post, my concern was with people saying they are something they aren't. I think everyone should be viewed as having the same goal. Everyone here is/should be concerned with the patient and their care. Do what you can for them and get them to the hospital.

I have a real issue with SOME paramedics that have that awful case of the "GOD COMPLEX". (please don't take this the wrong way. I don't mean that ALL paramedics are like that but you know there are some out there. I don't want this to start a new post and go haywire) With PCP's that call themselves a "Paramedic" just to look good to someone else already has the beginning of that God complex and it will just escalate to something worse if and when they become a paramedic.