Lone Star

volume and pressure

and opened fire

which concealed the

the chinchilla pet

to come closer

her armpit odor

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department inAustin , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

hairy knuckles on

"Where's the beef???"

there, all alone....

How does an asprin know where to go?

What would happen if some guy took two midol?

Why is it, you eat ice cream, and get that 'brain freeze' thing going....you wait till its gone...and EAT MORE ICE CREAM????

but the most important question of all:

If I can make a cow giggle hard enough...will milk come out her nose?

on a blanket

squeaky fur balls

trouble with Tribbles

Scotty, beam down

hyperbole and lies

highly illogical, captain

Thanks, Cap'n Kirk!

where no bug

upper inner thigh

The paragod turned kool fire works onto big crowds of aggressive midgets who pissed on all their shoes in darkest forest singing happy birthday during the storm. Then the paragod ate pineapples while his sister picked her nose then flicked it onto techmedic05 who turned around three full turns and sat down on a cowpie and yelled DAMN! Suddenly a big bear appeared growling That’s Tech’s Friend. Is that trouble nope, needs Charmin. Out came superglue and farted loudly scaring the squirrels causing a riot inciting many millions to go after hundreds of small nut gathering freaks who threw nuts at moronic rats until they decided glueing nuts together in heart shapes would be fun. Then all of took techmedic to the local psychologist to fix his wonderfully amusing personality. Is started to rain down pennies into Tec medic’s boots making it difficult to use pee of the alphabet. The sun sat fri, thu, wed, she began weeping I’m sorry mom. The party begins at midnight sharp we all dance naked on the freshly cut grass. Fade after the cue to black the sun’s up Wow it is. Finally emerging from the depths of a really dark blue water toilet. Our loving friend just went to say hello to the family and then was a king and queen sized beds for the people galore to sleep on. When suddenly there was a ginormous band on the last thing hanging on their tiny little, itsy, bitsy wash cloth hangers that caught fire. So the big brown pile of rotting horse manure sent a wonderful box of chocolates dipped in a tart yellow sticky goblin, whose name one mustn’t say for fear of Jackie, the bad transvestite queen reporter. Forgot how fast she ate breakfast. Took a nap, while she slumbered, he kissed her tenderly on the board of nails of her fresh cake she was startled. The raccoon had bit her nose then yelled out Oh Holy Hell! As blood spurted from every orifice a passing EMT could not help when he touched his wacker belt then dropped dead. Oh My Goodness!! Meanwhile the raccoon which waddled awkwardly began rabidly hallucinating about thirteen midgets prancing about naked without any clothes and very big ears and toes were scattered about along the path following a flood of biblical proportions. Chocolate milkshakes cascaded through bendy straws, then a troll charged blindly into the ladies room yelling that he was nine months along with dust devils thought was female but baby boy was without gender. All the time the crowd was fueled by gasoline which had been dusted off then proceeded to explode BOOM BOOM BOOM. Then the crowd went absolutely wild! They started stripping, it was HORRID! AK was naked! So everyone ran and got knives slicing and dicing through the watermelon and throwing twinkies at EMTCity Admin who in turn pointed at itku2er who promptly said “just bite me.” She turned into a cherry bonbon in a large electric blue toilet with automatic flushing and explosive diarrhea containing pyroclastic clouds. Then along came the master proctologist “What an ass!” He proclaimed loudly, shaking his head, drinking his bear, with ice cream, and sliced pineapple and corn dogs. He pulled out shaking on sticks warm roasted marshmallows bursting with maggots that JakeEMT ate with much enthusiasm. He then tried to burp the spawn of satan onto itku2er's new Polka dot dress with nipple holes and leather undergarments including crotchless panties. But along came ITK and she decided they would walk the plank. In preparation she saw Jake running into the crapper and took chase of the Lysol drinking bandit who tripped over his own two feet. After a quick romp inthe hay we needed showers with pineapple and more Canadian beer makes us drunk and then spew and romp again then go out and climb the side of a 400lb Croatian transvestite. Who rolled over and Belched loudly and scratching it's left upper extremity and groaning loudly Look, I'm back!!! Then a rabbit with huge teeth! started nibbling on her neck and ear and was groping. She was shocked so she punched him in the big rabbit teeth. They fell into a mud pit got all dirty she took a shower with pineapple and fresh whipped creme and a cherry vodka and tequilla to drink away the horror of having carnal relations during the middle of doing the the nasty with Lone Star, she feild mice visions was extremely satisfied to find LONE in her bed under the covers waiting for her to get her clothes off and feed her oatmeal to the parrot with the broken beak and feathers that had him flying in circles in his cage thats upside down over a roaring hanging on the ceiling swing which constantly swings sideways wanting outta here. "Where's the door?" wanting outta here but the door was left closed and the window was nailed shut. Left the building in the outback with long lines of rioting tourists lobbing tear gas which caused them with murderous intent to chase after the pizza guy with a gun without any ammo. Fearing spontaneous combustion, from the pornography magazine he left with his daughter's big nasty boyfriend to read and discuss at school tomorrow at show-n-tell. The nasty hairy legs of the female gym teacher were glaringly obvious to the boys who were jealous of their teacher's great big juicy beard and moustache 18 inches long dripping with lard from the carcasses of misbehaved students that can't focus on anything said in a lecture about birds and how they reproduce. In the trees the birds chirp the rain poured lightning flashed brilliantly s it hit the power lines and it exploded! Electrocuting the bugs in his beard......and pubic hair.

Fleas, biting tender

electrocuting the bugs

just thought all the 'pervs' would get a grin out of this:

http://www.break.com/movies_nsfw/xrayglass.html

left the building