I Love Pumpernickle

Again, thank you for the replies.

To answer some of the questions posted here since my last post:

Ruffems wrote: Pumpernickel how long have you been in EMS?

A: In total, 8 years

Ruffems wrote: So what did your medical director say the issues were?

A: He never really elaborated on one specific thing, but I knew personally that I was having trouble with IV's, and had been going to the ER dept. of local hospitals for extra shifts on my own in order to be able to practice them, but obviously this wasn't enough? I was put thru many scenarios, and didn't seem to have a problem doing any of them.

somedic wrote: Pumpernickle: you are displaying a lack of maturity and situational awareness. you've been given advice by good people here on the forum. If quitting and losing is in your blood then quit...its so much easier to quit and go to work flipping burgers or being a telemarketer. Backstabbing is a fact of life in many EMS systems if you want friends join the FD or get a dog...

A: I don't think I'm "displaying a lack of maturity", as you put it, because what I'm writing about here happened to me roughly about 3 years ago, and I've been having a hard time dealing with it ever since. I've tried giving my co-workers the benefit of the doubt, thinking that maybe it REALLY WAS ME, and that my skills really did suck, so I tried harder. Nothing seemed to work. I didn't quit right away after my experiences here, I gave myself some time to see if things would change. Then I thought that maybe because I was new (I had recently come here from a different province), and because people had not gotten the chance to know me yet, that that's why I was being treated this way. I was never treated this way in the previous province where I used to work.

Maybe I'm asking too much, in thinking that my co-workers can also be my friends, because, as somedic wrote, if I want a friend, maybe I should get a dog??

And I thank you, Asysin2leads, for your words of wisdom, even though I don't think I'd ever be able to do what you suggested.

I am a kind-hearted person, and I'm beginning to think that that is my downfall. I am not "ruthless", like some others are. I take everything personally, and I honestly don't have a mean bone in my body. I think that's what drew me to paramedicine in the first place. I honestly love the job, I just can't stand all the back-stabbing that occurs behind the scenes. And I personally think there's no need for it. I'm being targeted for some reason and I don't know why? Maybe it's because I'm french? If that's it, then I know it's never going to get any better, because I'm always going to be french! I always try to rationalize everything, asking "why would someone want to treat me this way when I've done nothing to them?" I was raised to "treat others the way you'd want to be treated".....I'm beginning to think that I'm at a disadvantage because of the way I was raised.

somedic, I will pick up that book you suggested, and read it. It certainly won't hurt, and who knows, it may even help.

Thanks for the replies everyone, I certainly appreciate them!

Problem is, I didn't know I was doing anything wrong that got me written up in the first place! Pretty hard to change something you're doing that makes people not want to work with you when you don't even know you're doing anything wrong???

Doesn't matter anyway, I've decided to leave paramedicine. This whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth, and if this is what paramedicine is going to continue to be like, I don't want to be any part of it. I've never seen so much back-stabbing between people in my life as it is with paramedics, and it's truly sad because we're suppose to be in this job with the same goal in mind, and that's PATIENT CARE.

Seems like some people are in this job just to make life miserable for people like me.....

Have a good day, everyone.

Well, I've waited 2 days, and don't seem to be getting too many people answering my question..... :?

I wonder why?

Do you not know the answer to my question?

OK, here's what happened:

I came to work from another province, where I used to work wasn't a very high call volume, but I didn't feel as if my skills were suffering.

Then I went to work in an area with a higher call volume.

Next thing I know, I'm being called on the phone by my new supervisor, and he's asked me if I got a letter in the mail from my medical director, I said "no" because I hadn't, and my supervisor said "go stand by the fax machine, I'm going to fax you a copy of the letter". When I read that letter, I almost fell out of my chair! It said that my "co-workers had little to no confidence in my skills, and that nobody wanted to work with me because of this reason, and it was recommended that my ability to practice paramedicine be withdrawn until I could proove that I was competant in what I was doing".

I had to go meet with my medical director, and he put me thru many scenarios, which I passed with flying colors, so my PCP tag was not taken away from me.

But now, I have serious problems working with the people who "wrote me up". Is it normal to feel paranoid and angry all the time, or should I be grateful that I'm still allowed to work? It's been very hard to concentrate on my job as of late, because I'm always wondering who's going to "write me up" next!

Does this sound like "BURNOUT" to you? Or do I have a legitamate reason to feel the way that I do??

I was just wondering if anybody in here would classify what I'm experiencing as "burnout"?

A few years ago, I had someone who I used to work with "write me up" behind my back, and send it to my medical director, which, in turn caused me to have to under-go some remedial training.

Ever since this happened, I can't help but to wonder if it's going to happen again, being "written up" I mean, and it has me so paranoid that I have a hard time concentrating on the job now, because I keep wondering if I'm "good enough".

Does this sound like "burnout" to you? Do I need a break, or do I need a career change, or do I just need to get away from the arseholes who "wrote me up" and have no confidence in my skills?

Do I need to go see a professional, or what do you think is the deal with me?? I almost feel like I'm crazy at times, and that I can't trust anybody.

Any and all replies would be appreciated.

Thank you.