Fallout from the Cheney shooting

[Dustdevil]

From: Texas Department of Parks & Wildlife

http://www.tpwd.state.tx.us/

Due to the shooting of an Attorney by Vice President Cheney, there needs to

be some clarification of the rules and regulations. Here are the new

regulations:

1. Any person with a valid State hunting license may harvest attorneys.

2. The taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use

of currency as bait is prohibited.

3. The killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If

accidentally struck, remove road kill to roadside, then proceed to

nearest car wash.

4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a helicopter

or other aircraft.

5. It shall be unlawful to shout, "whiplash," "ambulance!" or, "Free

Perrier!" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.

6. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills,

prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.

7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of

whorehouses, health spas, ambulances, or hospitals.

8. If an attorney is elected to government office, there will be a $500

bounty on the pelt.

9. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department

inspection for rabies, vermin and contagious diseases.

10. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter,

drug dealer, pimp, female law clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or

tax accountant for the purposes of hunting attorneys.

Attorney Bag Limits:

Yellow-Bellied Sidewinder = 5

Hairless Civil Libertarian = 7

Skinny-Assed Ambulance Chaser = 12

Horse or Cattle Rustler Defender = 20

Silver-Tongued Murderer Defender = 50

Jack-Legged Divorce Litigator = No limit

Honest Attorney = Extinct

GOOD HUNTING!

(Credit to Dr. Bledsoe, of course! )

[Ridryder 911]

I believe we ought to donate all funds to local EMS. Now that would solve our budget problems...now, sign me up !

Be safe,

R/R 911

[Dustdevil]

Top Ten Dick Cheney Excuses

10. "Heart palpitation caused trigger finger to spasm"

9. "Wanted to get the Iraq mess off the front page"

8. "Not enough Jim Beam"

7. "Trying to stop the spread of bird flu"

6. "I love to shoot people"

5. "Guy was making cracks about my lesbian daughter"

4. "I thought the guy was trying to go 'gay cowboy' on me"

3. "Excuse? I hit him, didn't I?"

2. "Until Democrats approve medicare reform, we have to make some

tough choices for the elderly"

1. "Made a bet with Gretzky's wife"

[Guest]

Frequently Asked Questions issued by Texas Department of Parks & Wildlife

Approved by J. Gretzky

Question:Is a Non-Residents license for 3 to 5 day permit available, if so what is the cost?

Answer: Yes, available at any licensed outlet $21.95 USD and surtax of $00.43 can be waved if the hunter purchase's birdshot.

Question:Is the use of surplus .50 mini gun allowed within city limits?

Answer: Only with the landowners prior permission, verbal is acceptable in California only.

Question:Is it possible to bring ones own Jack-Legged Divorce Litigator for controlled release purposes?

Answer: Sorry No, A culling is in effect, no foreign content permitted, except in the state of Alaska.

Question:Can a wounded whining attorney be taken home and used to train a dog?

Answer: No, They must be dispatched immediately due to the noise abatement regulations.

Update to #7

Quoting without permission from BB.

"It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of whorehouses, health spas, ambulances, or hospitals."

This regulation is presently under review and the board and stakeholders are considering 100 yards dependent on local availability.

Please check local conservation updates placed on most ER bulletin boards.

[Dustdevil]

Apparently, Cheney is going to be charged with a criminal offense after all. Since there was an ambulance present on the hunt, it is considered a "baited" hunt, which is in direct violation of DPW regulations.

That's pretty cut and dried. I don't think he can get out of this one. :?