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Is this person a good friend, or do I need to put some distance?


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So I am looking for advice from adults on a non-EMS subject. If you're not interested don't bother posting no biggie. Just looking for some outside opinions.

This last Halloween my friend and I decided to go out on the town together. We live in a fairly small town so a couple people in our little group wanted to go to the nearby city. I said cool okay.

Well my best friend told me that she couldn't go. She hadn't asked her parents, just assumed she couldn't. I told her that was cool, I'd hang with her in our town and we'd have a blast while the others went to the city. I turned down their invites to go with them so I could hang with my friend and she wouldn't be alone.

Then right as the other guys were about to split up and leave my friend called her mom and asked if she could go with them. Mom said yeah, but I told my friend that I still couldn't go.

Well I caved and called my mom. The answer was no because we hadn't gotten any solid plans for when we'd be back or who was driving us. My mom didn't even know the driver so that was a safety thing. Well I told my friend, "I still can't go. If you had told me about this before hand, and had we planned on it, then I could've gone."

And then my friend proceeded to make a very poor decision. She said, "Oh, well, okay. Bye." And she loaded up in the car with the rest of my group, leaving me ALONE on a dark street late at night, on the wrong side of town.

What is upsetting to me is that I sacrificed a lot for her. I waited for her for an hour and a half when she was late coming to our meeting place. I sacrificed by saying no to my other friends that I couldn't come to town so I could hang with my best friend. And then she totally disregarded all that, completely ignored the plans we'd made to go TOGETHER, and left me ALONE.

I am so angry because I trusted her to have my back. You never, EVER leave another girl alone. My friend's an airhead and maybe she doesn't get this.

But basically I just need some help especially from other women and girls on here. How do I deal with this? I want to tell my friend exactly why I am upset. I will. I've been friends with this girl for ten years, and I never expected this of her. What do I do?

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I would be upset too. And you have every right to be. She ditched you after you gave so much for her and she left you alone. Not only is that mean its very dangerous. I would tell her straight up why your so mad at her and make her feel bad so that you get your point across to her. I have best friends too and if they ever did something like this to me I would want them to be aware of how bad they hurt me. I would forgive them if they did say they were sorry but there trust would have to be earned back. I hope this helps with your issue with your friend and everything works out.

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Best write it down. Rewrite as seen fit before saying it. Excise the cursing, if needed.

You made a conscious decision to be with the individual, who for discussion's sake, I'll call Lucy*, instead of the group. Then Lucy dumps you for the group? Leaves you in the bad part of town, alone? Even as a duo, there is usually some safety in numbers.

"Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do!" She potentially endangered your possessions, and possibly your life. That explanation better be good, or you're probably better off without her in your circle of friends.

Anyone else care to add?

*Had to make the "I Love Lucy" quotation fit in.

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Best advice I can give you for this situation and any other: If your 15 year old child came to you with the same issue (knowing they would do whatever you said to do, and you would then be complicent in the outcome), what advice would you give them ?

Too often, we base decisions on emotions and hopes, instead of inteligence and reality.

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Hey guys. I read through your replies earlier and I thank you all for them. I read them before I talked to my friend today and so they were helpful to me. :)

Well my friend came to my club and I told her to step outside of the library for a minute because we needed to talk.


Basically what happened was I told her I was upset and frustrated. I gave her my view of what had happened, that I had to walk home by myself. She thought I could have gotten a ride, and I told her that that wasn't even possible. I think the most meaningful thing I told her was this:

"Lucy, girls have to take care of each other, they can't do this to each other, because shit happens when girls are by themselves. We have to have each others backs. I've got yours, I need you to have mine."

I have known this girl for ten years. I can tell she realized she did a really crappy thing, and I forgive her, but I do not trust her and I told her as much. She promised she would not do it again.

I think we both grew from this. My friend realized that she needed to be more considerate. I realized that I can't trust my BF. Which sucks. But at least now, she can earn my trust, rather than me just giving it to her to begin with. I think in the long run, we'll be closer because we could talk out our problems calmly and without fighting. Next time I can only hope it won't happen.

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Just as reference, how old are you and "Lucy"?

I am pretty sure they are right in the age range of 16.

But Cad ---- why did you need to grow from this situation? If your explanation was correct and fully truthful which I have no real reason to doubt that it was untrue, you should not have to grow from this situation except to maybe realize that nearly every friend that you have in life will do something that will either piss you off or cause you to doubt your faith in humanity.

And don't think for a minute that she won't do this again, I'm sure that she will to either you or another of her friends. We all do things that we regret or realize that we've F'd over a good friend. I've done it a couple of times before and always said I would never do it again, but circumstances happen. You know!!!!

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We're both fifteen.

I needed to grow because I had a really stupid blind faith in all my pals. It was like someone took a bag off my head. I can't believe I just trusted her like that--she hadn't earned it at all. And man you just never can trust humans can you?

And don't think for a minute that she won't do this again, I'm sure that she will to either you or another of her friends.

I know. And that's why I will not be putting myself in another situation that allows her to leave me in a dangerous place again. I know how it is. Done it a couple times myself. I don't even know what to do. I love this girl. But even though we talked, I can't trust her. How do I know when I can trust her to have my back again? Can I, ever?

Lucy's really not the malicious type. She's just airheaded and selfish. She did it completely without thinking about what could possibly have happened. I don't really know what to do from here.

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We're both fifteen.

I needed to grow because I had a really stupid blind faith in all my pals. It was like someone took a bag off my head. I can't believe I just trusted her like that--she hadn't earned it at all. And man you just never can trust humans can you?

I know. And that's why I will not be putting myself in another situation that allows her to leave me in a dangerous place again. I know how it is. Done it a couple times myself. I don't even know what to do. I love this girl. But even though we talked, I can't trust her. How do I know when I can trust her to have my back again? Can I, ever?

Lucy's really not the malicious type. She's just airheaded and selfish. She did it completely without thinking about what could possibly have happened. I don't really know what to do from here.

And your post here is a perfect segway into one of the reasons why 15 year olds are NOT allowed to ride along in most EMS systems.

15 year olds are, in and of themselves, airheaded and selfish and do things without thinking about what possibly could happen. That is what every administrator or Supervisor is going to be thinking when you approach them to ride along. Again this has nothing and everything to do with you, as well as everything to do with your age.

The liability of a 15 year old on a ambulance in what could possibly be the most dangerous place in the city, with maybe some of the most dangerous people in the city and you can get an idea of why administrators have heart palpitations when they get approached for a ride along request by someone your age. Not only are they thinking of your safety but they are thinking - how much am I going to have to pay to this kids family if something - god forbid- goes wrong on scene?

At least with an 18 year old or a 21 year old they are supposed to be (I SAID SUPPOSED TO BE) more level headed and mature (often times not) but there is truth in the maturity factor most of the time.

Again, I'm not saying that you won't be allowed to ride but look at the situation you just went through with this girl and then put yourself in the shoes of an EMS administrator and tell me if you would want a 15 year old like your friend riding with your service. That is what the administrator is thinking when he see's you!!!

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