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Dating advice


medicgirl05

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I'm looking for some advice on dating in and out of EMS. I know some of you have been around the block a few times and I'm wondering if you think it is better to date inside the profession or outside?

If you are married is your spouse in EMS? Any advice appreciated. Thanks!

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My spouse is in EMS also, but I'm not running EMS anymore. When we first me we had no clue what the other one did. Helps somewhat but every relationship has it's ups and downs. It helps to have someone who understands the long hours and grumpy calls at home who can support you.

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If you choose to date someone in the industry just make sure you don't date someone who works for the same organization you do.

Dating an EMS-er isn't so bad. Dating a coworker? That's a huge mess just waiting to happen.

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I met my girlfriend of 24 years (and counting!) in my VAC, me as an EMT/Motor Vehicle Operator/Dispatcher, her as originally a "Paper-pusher", later as an "attendant" and dispatcher.

2 sisters from my VAC, who also went on to NYC Health and Hospitals Corporation EMS, married other (HHC) EMS personnel, one of which had also been in my VAC. The one who married from the EMS only person just got divorced, as he was two timing her.(Side-notes: there's a third sister inadvertently helped me get started with my "Lady J", and the unfaithful husband had, as the ring tone for his wife, "Who Let The Dogs Out?")

4 other couples were generated at my VAC. 2 of them were literally separated by death, the other 2 by infidelity.

As for the NYC (HHC) EMS, and then the FDNY EMS, I worked with one guy whose wife relieved him on the next tour (both NYC agencies had or have rules saying spouses cannot work together, although they can work out of the same station, even if assigned to the EMD).

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I think that the downside to dating within the profession is that it's an easy, commonly accepted reason for relationship issues and failure. "What happened with you guys?" "S/he just couldn't handle the fact that we worked different shifts/services/the stress" etc.

It's like hearing that a cop gets divorced, people nod their head in sympath and think, "Yeah, it's tough being a cop's wife.." What nonsense.

Relationship should be built on the fact that you've met someone that makes you crazy to be away from. There will always be some issues. But if they make you laugh, hold your hand even when you're stupid, and make you want to get naked constantly...it makes little difference what the job is, in my opinion.

Babs and I have been together for 27 years and I've worked every type of job imaginable, the last 17 of those while she cared for our autistic son...there's been plenty of stress, but I've never, not for a single moment, looked at another woman and wished that I could trade...Is that because I'm amazingly great at relationships? No...not so much...but I did wait until I found someone that I couldn't live without before deciding to commit...

Look at the person that you're with, when you get there...and if you can imagine living without them? You probably should...That should be your barometer...

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Dwayne is spot-on. I have been married for 26 years now, and I believe the worst thing you can do is choose a mate based on anything besides true love (looks, age, career, money or lack-there-of, etc). It is easier to find someone at work since you spend half your life there, but that is not necessarily the hunting ground I would choose, since one or both of you may have chosen an EMS career in your younger years, but may choose the opposite later in life. Which isn't to say that two EMS'ers can't make it work, but that would never be my sole criteria, regardless of the career you are in (women with no self esteem who chase cops or military guys to replace the daddy who did not beat them enough or beat them too often).

Get out from behind your computer and go live life with real people, doing the things you enjoy. If you are doing that, chances are the people around you have similar interests and hobbies as you, which gives you a conversation starter and a mutual interest to start things off with. We all get ugly and wrinkled as we age, so choose someone that is absolutely gorgeous on the inside, that you can communicate with easily, and whose company you enjoy no matter what you are doing.

Side note: If you are young, don't worry so much about finding the "one", until you have dated "many". What you thought was love at 14 was different at age 18, 20, 25, and will be different at age 30, 40, 50. So don't base a lifetime decision on thoughts you have at age 18.

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