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spenac

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The odds of finding a "normal" Pt nowadays is similar to the odds of finding one who is under 250 pounds

I remember the early dead manlift stretchers that were rated at 250 pounds max. Now they are rated at 750 & above.

Dude" ya gotta lay off the hotpockets"

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Nine Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older:

· Number 9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

· Number 8 - Life is sexually transmitted.

· Number 7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

· Number 6 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

· Number 5 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

· Number 4 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

· Number 3 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

· Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

· Number 1 - Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

...and as someone recently said to me:

Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long.

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· Number 5 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Not entirely true. Teach someone to use the internet and they'll bug you with an unending stream of forwarded emails, chain letters and "inspirational stories".

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Performing Community Service

One day a florist went to a for a haircut. After the cut, he

asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money

from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a

'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for

him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill

, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing

community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank

you ' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his

bill , the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm

doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and

left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there

were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between

the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

shit-hits-the-fan.gif

BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON

!deadhorse.gif

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What do you expect after 250 pages and 18thousand views.


What do you expect after 250 pages and 18thousand views


What do you expect after 250 pages and 18thousand views

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