spenac

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Horrible couple of days...

Someone broke into our condo and stole everything. Before we got back, they broke into our place again and put everything back exactly where they found it. The audacity!

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Havent really been ti this site in a long time. I do see names that I remember though

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I remember YOUR name, JTPaintball70. Don't recall your last posting, so it must have been a while.

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I remember YOUR name, JTPaintball70. Don't recall your last posting, so it must have been a while.

Quite a while. Been spending most forum time on another EMS site.

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Hope you went to be decontaminated before coming back here.

Winter Boots:

The Winter Boots
Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her pupils put on his boots?
He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling, and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on.
By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said:
"Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."


She looked, and sure enough, they were.
Unfortunately, it wasn't any easier pulling the boots off, than it was putting them on.
She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.
He then announced:
"These aren't my boots."


She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream: "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to.
Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.
No sooner had they got the boots off when he said:
"They're my brother's boots. But my Mom made me wear 'em today."


Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.
But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots
BACK
onto his feet again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked:
"Now, where are your mittens?"


He said: "
I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

She'll be eligible for parole in three years.


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I'm still alive.


Woo Hoo. I started page 222


I feel speshl.

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Teens
have their texting codes
(LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK
(snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering
seniors have our own texting
codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD -
At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO -Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In

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An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.

The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled "Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!"

The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!".

He began his series of questions:

Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet??"

Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me."

Tower: "Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you’re traveling at 180 mph?"

Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me."

Tower: Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so how do you know you're flying upside down?"

Aircraft” “The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar.”

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don't piss Momma off :::

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

---The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.


There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, that only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy.
She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops........

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

''Good Heavens, 'said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story'?"

...."Don't Screw with Mommy when she's been drinking."


....I love these touching stories !!!

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