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[Eydawn]

Mobes- we see people at their best, and their worst. We see the joy, and the grief... and that's part of it.

That is a very, very sucky call... and one of the downsides of working remote medicine. I am sorry to hear it turned out that way, and I'm glad you're venting and trying to deal with it.

Good job on the RSI save! Atta boy. Dust off, pick yourself up, and realize, no matter how much we cry yes, sometimes God (or however you choose to interpret it, cosmos, fate, flying spaghetti monster) says no and there's not much we can do except keep doing our best.

Wendy

CO EMT-B

[DFIB]

Thanks all.

Ya, I was as usual, more than an hour away from any hospital, and with a cardiac arrest post-head trauma, the writing is on the wall, even if she was alive when I got there and ran a near perfect ACLS code, the statistics are just not in some patients favor.

I am dealing with it pretty good now, I was just trying to rationalize it the last few days eg: Gods plan/everything happends for a reason/etc etc

The rationality I ended up with was "Sometimes bad things happen and due to my career of choice I have to be a part of that, therefore sometimes this job sucks".

Works for me.

Good news is, the very next patient I had was a pulmonary fibrosis with sepsis & pneumonia I had to RSI. I called the ICU this morning and they are taking her off the vent today, nice to get a win the day after a loss.

My instructor once told me that "Sometimes people die and sometimes they die in front of us". At first I thought that his statement was preparing us for the inevitable. I am now beginning to understand that he possibly had a deeper meaning for us.

It is true that no one has the ability to totally reverse the effects of energy on the human body, but we train to give our patients the very best chance at living that we can, we perform our skills and entrust the results to God. I think my instructor was telling us to prepare to care for our patients and embrace our humanity.

You gave both your patients the very best chance not only at survival but you also cared for them in their final moments. You ran the race. Solid work brother.

[Lytefall]

It dont suck, your job is not to save lives. Your job is to apply treatments as per what you discover, per protocols. You have done your job, you should feel no different than if she lived. Now.. If you effed up and killed her, that would suck!

It does suck. Sometimes it sucks. That's all there is to it. One I the best medics I have ever known, who is still working after 35yrs and loving every day, once told me something I will keep with me forever. While we never knew most people in life, it won't be possible to shed a tear for every patient but there will be calls that sadden you and stay with you forever. It's the day that you stop feeling the emotion for those types of calls that you know it's time to hang up your stethoscope and call it a career.

We are human. We should feel. We do this to help people. Its as plain as this: when we can't help sometimes it hurts.

The best medics I have known are the ones that genuinely care. To me the fact that this bothers you means your hearts still in the right place.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Richard B the EMT]

It's the day that you stop feeling the emotion for those types of calls that you know it's time to hang up your stethoscope and call it a career.

One of the best things one could say about all of us in EMS, from either the paid or volunteer sectors.

[thrutheashes]

To say that that was a crapper of a call doesn't begin to describe it. I feel for you, my friend. The job we do has us facing some of life's worst moments. I am glad you have found. Outlet where you can vent And not keep things bottled up. And to echo someone elaes's comment.....it is good this call bothers you, because it means you care. I'd be more worried about you of something like this didn't bother you!

On another note, great job on the save! We cN't save them all, but the ones we do, it sure feels good, doesn't it. Keep on touch.

[Kiwiology]

I know you're a good bloke Marc and that you genuinely try to do what is best for your patient because you care about them and want to make a positive impact in their life; hope you are doing OK

It dont suck, your job is not to save lives. Your job is to apply treatments as per what you discover, per protocols. You have done your job, you should feel no different than if she lived. Now.. If you effed up and killed her, that would suck!

Um, wow, dude, that is the most fucked in the head thing I have ever read and it makes my blood boil to the point of wanting to get stabby or something, at you, multiple times, in a blind rage and I sincerely hope you never set foot in the ambulance service or really any sort of role where you have contact with people

Hmm, re you s/b Kiwi ix hgb ok fe ok tv ok fio2 43.8 imp oxygen thief (p) ignore

Edited March 30, 2012 by Kiwiology

[Chief1C]

Someone could write a very long book, if a psychologist studied the way we (EMS folks of any size, experience or certs) handle grief. One of the folks who trained me, probably exceeding my age by fifty years, once said nothing should bother you, you'll learn not to feel anything. Thankfully, he's retired. Worst advice in the world. It's human to feel and to grieve for those we care for, after all; whether it's a career or not, our duty is to provide care. I don't think that can be done without being compassionate to a degree. Granted I'm not empathetic toward every patient. But kids, whether they have a start on life, or they're just born. Hey, blank slate man, no time to wrong anyone that anybody believes in.

I always second guess and rethink my actions, and if I have any question, I become a blithering mess - when it comes to kids or babies. No matter if anything could be done, or not - even if it was obvious that nothing could be done. I feel guilty, just a little. I have a speech I give to new folks who have something shitty happen, but I don't share it often, and I won't on here.

I can say - Just because it's raining today, doesn't mean it will be stormy tomorrow. Apply that as one sees fit.

[Richard B the EMT]

After Eastern Airlines Flight 66 (June 1975), and American Airlines Flight 587 (November 2001), I still am somewhat affected by what I saw at the scene of both crashes.

As a mention, I still have nightmares from the time Lady J and I were robbed at gunpoint in her then apartment building's stairwell. That was not an EMS call, but off duty.

[DwayneEMTP]

...Its as plain as this: when we can't help sometimes it hurts...

Man, I wish I could figure out how to say smart things in general, but most of all, smart things distilled as above. +1

What a ridiculously amazing thread this is.

I can't really imagine the thoughts that go into treating two patients with a single intervention in a life or death scenario. I've never had to do it. I've now seen death in most of it's incarnations, but the emotions wrapped up in losing the late term pregnant patient seems like it would be different. I don't think that I've ever run an arrest without considering the effect that it was having on the family as a whole. Losing a mom, or spouse, or parent. I'm grateful that the EMS Gods haven't seen fit to have me sort out the emotional abstraction that must be caused while participating in someone's reality of losing a lover and a child all in the same breath.

Mobes, you amaze me constantly, but bringing this call, and laying yourself naked before your friends here sets, once again, the most amazing example of the things that are right in paramedic medicine. Amongst a polluted profession of errors and misconceptions I'm grateful that you had the strength and kindness to remind us that we're a family. That we're stronger for leaning on, and learning from each other. That as we learn as individuals that we're obligated to teach, and council, and heal as a group. And I love that you bring the perspective that we can cry without being permanently damaged, that we can care without providing emotionally retarded care, that we can at times be cold and mechanical without also needing to be inhuman. Epic win.

Sometimes I hate my job. Sometimes I get really angry at the comments here. But when I see those uncommon times that our docs, and nurses, and medics, RTs and firemen, from very farthest reaches of the planet come together to say, "We're different. Sometimes I think I'm better than you, other times I'm intimidated, at times I want to choke the shit out of you, but at the end of the day we're family, just doing the best we can as one team..." I can't really imagine doing anything else..

Good on you Mobes. I'm grateful to be part of your team...

Dwayne

[Richard B the EMT]

From a clinical standpoint, when there is an "at home" death, you often have at least 2 patients, the one you just pronounced as dead, and whatever family member is there, too, if only for some emotional support.