Death

[Just Plain Ruff]

I'm looking to find out what is normal, and what is not. What will go away with time, and what won't. I'm only a year into my EMS career, in a very very small community, with a very small call volume (Last year 4 calls, this year 30). So, needless to say, you know every patient. My experience is limited. I've been to a number of medical calls, a few trauma, and have experienced one death. The death I experienced was a choking, in a hospital setting during my practicum. I handled it well and therefor felt confident I'd do well with that side of things. However, this Friday I was called to a Code 5...which, where I'm from is a Unconfirmed Body. The patient had passed a number of days prior to our arrival and it was quite a gory scene. During the call itself I was fine, even after I got home I was fine. Then I tried to sleep and *WHAM* I could not get the image out of my mind. When I finally did get to sleep it was hours later and my dreams were flooded with the same image. The next day I thought of it often so I distracted myself by house cleaning thoroughly. But again, come bed time, I had to literally force the image out of my mind over and over again. In addition that, I keep smelling that smell at random moments, when obviously the smell is not there. So again, my question is...is this normal...and most importantly, will it go away??

I was the 2nd unit dispatched to a cardiac arrest which ended up being my father in law. We got cancelled by the first unit on scene and I returned to the hospital and clocked out, drove to the house and assisted my mother in law in her grief and also assisted the coroner in loading my father in law into the van.

I still remember that day like it was today, even though it's nearly 2 years ago.

I have coded or called several family members or friends over the years. I have also helped out many many more family and friends in the past 20 years of EMS service.

It will eventually go away but that timing is based on you and how you deal with things.

[poppy 007]

I had my first call 42 years ago and can't tell you how many calls I have made but I will tell you sadly death is a part of what we do. I don't know if you have ever delivered a baby or been shot at on a call or had the pleasure of someone walking up to you and saying "the Drs told me to thank-you for what you did'. It is a wonderful life and each run will stay in your mind as long as you want it to. Good Luck with your future it will be a great one.

[DwayneEMTP]

As many have said, it may go away, and likely will, or it might not. It truly does depend on your your previous experiences and what kind of toolbox you've developed for dealing with unusual stressers.

I have never had a hard time with death, not from the very beginning. But I grew up around drugs and violence and prison tattoos. I'm not sure if that is where my tools came from, or if having my particular set of tools is the absolute most healthy way to cope, but I've found that I'm comfortable with it. It's the people that try to convince you that 'you have to be sick after seeing such a thing! It's not normal not to be bothered!" that you have to worry about.

I had a non medical driver in Kandahar Afg that told me one night, "You know Dwayne, I've decided to go and get some help when I get home..." I said, "Ok man....help for what?" He said, "Oh, you know...all the dead babies we've seen and all.." I said, "But, I'm the medic on the truck brother..and I don't remember seeing any dead babies.." He said, "Yeah, I mean all the dead babies I might have seen...." I said, "Well....hmmmm......Good on you then...it sounds like get professional help is certainly what you need." :-) (ak, I'll bet you can't guess who this was!)

You should have a general 'vibe' about this issue. You'll feel yourself getting better, feel the pieces falling into place as your brain processes this new and disturbing information, or you'll feel that something seems to be broken and you're not getting better, or you're getting worse. In that case find some help. You should feel absolutely no pride in choosing to be in pain if you feel that you need help to alleviate it. In fact, if you have anyone that loves you, you have no right to make such a foolish decision.

On the flip side, if you're feeling ok? That's perfectly normal too...Look inside, follow your little internal barometer, and it will all work out fine.

Awesome first post Poppy...thanks for participating!

Dwayne

[Vorenus]

I had a non medical driver in Kandahar Afg that told me one night, "You know Dwayne, I've decided to go and get some help when I get home..." I said, "Ok man....help for what?" He said, "Oh, you know...all the dead babies we've seen and all.." I said, "But, I'm the medic on the truck brother..and I don't remember seeing any dead babies.." He said, "Yeah, I mean all the dead babies I might have seen...." I said, "Well....hmmmm......Good on you then...it sounds like get professional help is certainly what you need." :-) (ak, I'll bet you can't guess who this was!)

Well, I think I can at least understand your drivers view on the situation (of course, just my own speculations).

There is a stressfull component in the knowledge, that any minute you can get called to dead babies or other ghastly scences even though it might never happen, or never actually happened. It`s just a possibility, that`s always there.

Of course, that`s characteristic for EMS, so if he couldn`t cope with that, he should reconsider his position. But still, I can at least see his point of view.

[Medic2588]

My philosophy for dealing with death from the very beginning of my career has always been: Everyone dies - it's just a matter of when. People think I'm callous when they hear that, but honestly have you ever known anyone to live forever? Keeping in mind the fact that everyone dies, I realize that all I can do is do my best everytime I go out the door. If I do my best and someone dies, then it was meant to be. I don't let it get to me unless I think that I didn't do something right or I half-assed it.

It's kind of easier to get used to when you see a lot of death, but unfortunately that's difficult in a small community environment.