Jokes

[Happiness]

A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne..

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne,too!'

'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me..... I am celebrating'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'

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Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze.

1st Hillbilly says: 'My wife sure is stupid!....She bought an air conditioner. '

2nd Hillbilly says: 'Why's that stupid?'

1st Hillbilly says: 'We ain't got no 'lectricity!'

2nd Hillbilly says: 'That's nuthin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin' machines!'

1st Hillbilly says: 'Why's that so stupid?'

2nd Hillbilly says: ''Cause we ain't got no plummin'!'

3rd Hillbilly says: 'That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wives put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar.'

1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: 'Well, what's so dumb 'bout that?'

3rd Hillbilly says: 'She ain't got no dick!!

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A balaclava wearing robber burst into a Red Deer Bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door a brave Red Deer customer grabbed the balaclava and pulled it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him.

The robber instantly shot him also.

Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.

The Robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"

There are a few moments of utter silence, in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. .....

Then one old man tentatively raised his hand and said,

"My wife got a good look at you."

[Richard B the EMT]

A bickering married couple was accosted by a gun wielding robber. He told the couple, "Your money or your live!"

The husband started walking away.

"Where the hell do you think you're going? I said 'Your money or your life!'" snarled the gunman

The husband responded, "I thought you said 'Your money or your wife.'"