For all the boys out there

[Happiness]

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally , the guys' side of the story.

(I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear " the rules"

From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1"

ON PURPOSE! 1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon

or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.

And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something

Or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation,

or NASCAR .

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Farting and belching are not sins. That's why the good Lord gave us all a farter and a belcher . Guys use them the way they were intended: as pressure relief valves...some more than others

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -

to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh

I have seen this somewhere before , I might have posted this here before but I think there are some new rules (typical men always changing the rules)

Enjoy

Happiness

[DwayneEMTP]

What? I don't get it....

I thought all of those things were obvious?

Dwayne

[Richard B the EMT]

T Shirt Saying:

I'm the Boss!

My wife said I could be!

[Lone Star]

If a man is in the woods and says something, and there is no woman around to hear him.....is he STILL wrong?

[rat115]

Seen this one before, and it's still a chuckle.

If a man is in the woods and says something, and there is no woman around to hear him.....is he STILL wrong?

Of course you would be, Loner. Just kidding with ya!

[HERBIE1]

If a man is in the woods and says something, and there is no woman around to hear him.....is he STILL wrong?

Yep- men are ALWAYS wrong.

Just ask a woman.

As an FYI for men-

Want revenge? Tell a woman that if you want her opinion, you'll give it to her.

(and then run like hell...)

[Lone Star]

Yep- men are ALWAYS wrong.

Just ask a woman.

As an FYI for men-

Want revenge? Tell a woman that if you want her opinion, you'll give it to her.

(and then run like hell...)

Q: What does a woman and an oven have in common?

A: You have to 'preheat' both of them before you put your meat in.....

[Richard B the EMT]

Q: What does a woman and an oven have in common?

A: You have to 'preheat' both of them before you put your meat in.....

Best take cover. Betty Freidan is loading her shotgun.

[JJR512]

I especially liked #1.